Put On A Mask And Smile.

Every day is a struggle between who I really am, who I think I am, and who I think I should be.

There are times I know clearly what's right and wrong, yet I still end up doing otherwise. I hate myself for succumbing to social pressure sometimes, yet I know that it is impossible to fully be myself all the time. That's probably one of my greatest weaknesses.

I long for the day I can just blank people I honestly don't give a damn about, and not wonder if I had just done something wrong. I long for the day I can do a good deed without worrying if others think I've an ulterior motive. Similarly, I'd really like it if I could just help others without wondering if they are simply just using me as a tool. Yes, I know the world doesn't revolve around me. Yet I can't deny that people are not as nice as I would like to believe. Every single day I see people using others and being made used of, the cycle goes on. I guess that's the way life is.

I'm getting increasingly irritated by some people. People who judge you as though they know all about you, people who constantly like to compare themselves against you, people who seem to take pride in condescending you, the list goes on. I love competition. Without it, how can we progress? I love fair and open competition, and that is why I never hide my aims and goals. Maybe that is wrong in this society, whereby everyone acts really nice and humble, but deep down inside them, they're probably rotten to the core, filled with schemes of their own.

And for that, I am thankful for the few groups of friends I've come to regard as brothers. Friends who've been through everything together. Not the kind of bonding I see so often in school. The kind of "Hall Life Rocks", "School Life Rocks", etc. bonding, where everything is so cheer, so colorful, and so fake.

P.S: I miss my double ace! =) And I wrote this post because I was trying to kill some time, nothing more ^^.

I Miss My Dearest =P

My dearest Geri flew off to Taiwan yesterday (or rather, this morning at 1.25AM), and will be back on Monday, 6pm! I miss her =P! Ok, end of post =X.

Wake-Up Call

Damn I screwed up one paper =(. Playtime's over for me =(.

Some Software I Use

Although I've posted some stuff here that's related to Windows, I actually spend about 1/2 the time on a Linux machine as well, either Ubuntu (on my PC and laptop), or Fedora (in school). I actually like the way Ubuntu handles windows, as well as the usage of virtual desktops, and have been some applications running on my Windows setups to try and achieve a similar effect. I don't particular like too much eye-candy, as I prefer function over form, but a little eye-candy never hurts. I'm running Windows XP by the way.

Virtual Desktop Applications:

• Shock 4Way 3D - I am currently using this as it works really well. You can configure the eye-candy settings to your liking and all, and can pretty much configure each virtual desktop separately. Sending of windows from one desktop to another is also possible, although you'd have to use the built-in screen manager to do so. I'd liked it more if I could just right-click on an existing window and have some sort of "send to" function. One gripe I have is that this application can take up to 40MB of RAM, which can be an issue for some people. There are various other Shock software on the website, although I haven't tried them.
• Virtual Desktop Manager - One of Microsoft's PowerToys. It works, although it is pretty basic. It might be more suited to your needs than the above depending on what you want. Give it a try =).
• Desktops - By Sysinternals (now part of Microsoft). I've tried it and it works well, but I still prefer Shock 4Way 3D.

Others:

• TaskSwitchXP - A really good Alt-Tab alternative. It makes Alt-Tab more useful by giving much more information =).
• Taskbar Shuffle - Ever wanted to re-arrange the order of the taskbar buttons, like how you can re-arrange tabs in Firefox?
• allSnap - I love how windows snap to the edge of the screen or to one another in Ubuntu. It just gives a more organized feeling. allSnap provides that function in Windows.

Non-Related:

• Dropbox - More of a service than an application, it allows you to store files very easily. Check out the site for more information. The bad: It might not be free once out of beta.

Alright, I guess that's about it =). Hope you find these stuff useful! And...

Wall-E

I was browsing around on Gizmodo, when I came across a post that leads to this. It's really cute =)!

At the same time, I also found these 2 posts on Gizmodo:

• Minoru 3D Webcam
• Endless Banana

Seriously, what the hell. Lol =).

Focus

Alright, I've to be really focused this week and finish whatever work I have by Friday evening. Let's see what I have for now...

• CS2106 Tutorial
• CS2106 Lab
• MA1301 Tutorial

I think I can manage. I have to, somehow =P. I'm going to enjoy my weekend with Geri before she flies off to Taiwan!

Great Weekend + SuRun

Despite my earlier post which was kind of whiney regarding school matters, I had a great weekend =). Being with Geri is simply the kind of thing that may just happen once in your life =). Ok, end of lovey-dovey stuff. Of course, being with my wonderful friends and Geri makes for an even more awesome weekend.

On to some computer-related stuff, for those of you who are still on XP (like myself), regardless of what you feel towards Vista, SuRun is something you should check out. Why? Basically, in XP, most of us are running with administrator rights, unless you specifically selected yourself to have limited rights. Running with limited rights basically means that you do not have access rights to things which are system-related. However, for people like myself, running in a Limited User Account (LUA) can be quite troublesome, as I would then not be able to do certain things which would requite Administrator rights (which is why I have been trying to convince myself that running with administrator rights is alright. That is where SuRun comes in. Basically, it allows you to elevate yourself to administrator rights only when required (for the particular action you need to perform).

There are already various posts on the internet on why LUA is preferred over an administrator account, so I would not be giving my take on it. I've gotten most of my information regarding SuRun from the this thread over at Wilders Security, and below are the more important sections (or other links) that I believe would help you in setting and getting your SuRun configuration up and running as soon as possible (in order):

1. Get SuRun from the website.
2. Read the first post on this thread for a brief overview.
3. Read this post for a tip on how to set up SuRun quickly.
4. Read this post for some final touch-ups.

That's about it! I strongly recommend you read through the thread itself as it contains a wealth of information, as well as possible problems you might encounter running with limited rights (which can be fixed pretty easily). Also, please visit this site (taken from the Wilders Security thread) for a load of reasons on why you should NOT be running with administrator rights.

Happy running in LUA mode =)!

Irritated

I was out enjoying myself with my dearest and friends at Sentosa yesterday (Jazz By The Beach). It was pretty much just chilling out and relaxing, which is more or less what I need after a hectic week in school. On the way home, I got a SMS from Percy (one of my SOC friends), asking if I had submitted a particular assignment for the group. I thought it was strange that he'd ask such a question, especially when the deadline is on Friday, so I called him up and told him that I've submitted for our team already. Guess what? For some reason, my team was listed under the "Not Submitted" category in NUS IVLE system.

What the hell? So I've emailed my tutor and lecturer, to clarify things, as well as attach a screenshot of proof that I've submitted. If the marks deduction penalty applies to my team, I've nothing to say. Simple administrative mistakes like this should not be happening. Sigh. All I hope for now is that the penalty will not apply to my team, since it doesn't make sense to being with.

Tired!!! Is An Oxymoron

Every now and then you get really tired, and wonder what's the point of living. No, actually I'm just joking, I'm just really tired and want to sleep =P. There's so much to live for in life! Despite the hectic school life, there's always things to look forward to. My recent falls (sort of) have reminded me once again, that there's always something to be happy about. Of course, the things that are bothering you will still be lingering somewhere in your mind, but hey, try to find the light in the darkness =)!

Sometimes I think I actually have a good time making fun of others, all in the name of fun, of course. I'm damn sure I'm being made some of as well, well even if I'm not I don't care. The world doesn't revolve around me, or you. It revolves around love baby! Lol. Or money, or whatever. Anyway, here's some interesting shit that happened this week (yes, it's only Wednesday):

Eugene was trying to study in a quiet corner in school. He was, as usual, trying hard to study, and with him was Ben, and both of them were studying hard for coming paper. Beside Eugene was Yong, who was trying to complete his latest assignment. Deciding to take a break from his studies, Eugene went to help Yong with his programming (which he enjoyed). This is a dramatic story. Opposite Eugene was Lisa, who kept looking on as Eugene was helping Yong. That kind of "I-need-help" look, you know. Now, Eugene doesn't help people who don't help themselves, especially when they blatantly act like they deserve help because they are damsels in distress.

Thus, Eugene told Lisa nicely to put in some effort first before asking for help. At the same time, Eugene managed to help Yong finish his assignment. Following that, Eugene went back to his studies with Ben. Anyway, they had some chit-chat in which Eugene said the words "F you" to Ben jokingly. Now comes the dramatic part: Lisa suddenly looked at Eugene, shouted "What? You want to F me is it?" for no apparent reason at all. Eugene was clueless as to what just happened, and so replied "Huh?" Of course, Lisa, who was full of confidence, said that Eugene had been staring had her. Well, what can Eugene say?

Thus, Eugene decided not to argue with "damsel-in-distress" Lisa, and just kept quiet about it. Surprisingly, Lisa still had the cheek to ask Eugene for help afterwards. Of course, Eugene just smiled, and said nothing. Moral of the story?

Eugene's an idiot for not saying anything, and Lisa's shameless. She's probably just unhappy that Eugene didn't help her.

After hearing his story, I told Eugene that his peace-loving nature is not going to work out all the time. Being a peace-loving person myself, I've come to realise that most of the time I avoid conflicts because I think it's simply a waste of time, since most people don't handle it well anyway. With that being said, I always believe that conflict is sometimes necessary for progress.

Anyway, there's a lot of things that've happened this week that are truly amusing, but most of them are quite geek-related. Lol. Here's one of them... I was reading some forums and some guy posted that he knows he's being cheated on by his wife. I know it's quite sad to read this kind of things, but then someone came in and replied "Uninstall her." I can't help but chuckle to myself after that.

Lastly, made some changes to my desktop (Winamp controls, coloured To-Do):

I might post a tutorial on how I did some of the things, but for basically, Samurize rocks =).

Latest Laptop's Desktop Screenshot

Update 1:

Finally I managed to design a clock I like! Check it out!

Today's a good rest day as I my last mid-term's today! Anyway, I just hope I can do well, don't want to think about it. Here's the latest update to my desktop (on my laptop). =P

A little-known fact, I like gothic-style dressing ^^.

Currently listening to: Eminem - Hellbound

Anyway, for those of you interested, the things displayed on the desktop are all done using Samurize. It's pretty amazing, although it hasn't been updated for a while. I used to use it, stopped, and am now back to it. Together with Launchy, I can get access to all my stuff rather easily, yet maintaining a clean desktop =).

Application: Samurize
Samurize Plugins Used:

• ProcessInfo
• Weather 2004
• Simple Calendar
  

Laptop's Desktop =P

Update:

Changed the theme.

Theme: SlanXP 2.0

Currently listening to: Electrico - Shadow

Applications: Launchy

Wallpaper

Theme: Whistler Schnapps (As Per Previous Post, Just A Different Colour Scheme)

By the way, I'll be having my last mid-term paper tomorrow! =)

Desktop Screenshot

Update:

After studying for the past few hours I've decided to rest and update my desktop a little more. It currently looks like this:

Just added a Calendar. Lol =P. Anyway, just some more useful software for you all:

Taskbar Shuffle - Allows your to re-order your taskbar buttons (similar to how you re-arrange your tabs in Firefox).

Neoshooter - Old, but good and free screenshot capturing application (I used it for both this and the earlier screenshot).

Old Post:

I've decided that I'll start posting more geeky/techie stuff on this blog from now on, since I usually talk to my friends about it anyway (especially Mac, lol). Anyway, here's my desktop (I just did a clean install recently) screenshot, with Samurize (haven't touched it for ages). Still deciding whether to patch the icons with the Tango Superpatcher or not... Haha.

Theme: Whistler Schnapps
Wallpaper: Love Juice

Currently listening to: Alesana - Endings Without Stories

Test Post Using Windows Live Writer + Gintoki (Gintama) Drawing By My Sister

This is just a test =). By the way, my sister drew the following and emailed it to me ^^. Heh =).

 

Currently listening to: Armor For Sleep - End Of The World

3 papers to go, wish me good luck!

1 . CS1102
2. LSM1302
3. CS2106

Bah =(.

It Gets Dim

This facade will not last forever.

This again, reminds me of why I simply don't fit into this society. Well, when you've a wonderful girlfriend, wonderful friends, and awesome friends whom you can trust wholeheartedly, life kinda rocks =).

Eminem - Hellbound

~{Announcer}~
Welcome back, to the stage of history

~{Eminem}~
Yo.. Slim Shady!
Yo... I Fuckin' I...
I'll puke, eat it, and freak you (eww)
Battle? I'm too weeded to speak to
The only key that I see to defeat you
would be for me to remove these two Adidas and beat you
and force feed you 'em both, and on each feet is a cleat shoe
I'll lift you off your feet so fast with a roundhouse
you'll think I pulled the fuckin ground out from underneath you
(Bitch!) I ain't no fuckin G, I'm a cannibal
I ain't tryin to shoot you,
I'm tryin to chop you into pieces and eat you
Wrap you in rope and plastic, stab you with broken glass
and have you with open gashes strapped to a soakin mattress
Coke and acid, black magic, cloaks and daggers (ahhh!)
Fuck the planet, until it spins on a broken axis
I'm so bananas I'm showin up to your open casket
to fill it full of explosive gasses
and close it back with a lit match in it
while I sit back and just hope it catches
Blow you to fragments
Laugh, roll you and smoke the ashes

Chorus: J-Black (repeat 2X)

I see the light at the end
But every time I take a step, it gets dim
Tell me is this hell we're livin in?
If so, heaven's got to be better
But if we're hellbound, whatever, let's go down

~{J-Black}~
Am I the worst? Because I, never go to church (never)
I run a red light then sideswipe a hearse
I'ma drink 'til my liver rot, see the doc
Leave the E.R., then hit a bar for a liquor shot, fuck the liver spot
One day we all gon' die
But when I die, I'ma be so high
that I'ma get up and walk, leavin the concrete bare
with the chalk outline still there
I smoke 'til I choke and I sex a lot
I got a cross on my chain but it's just to rock
Now if I pray everynight (night)
Do I still have to hold my trey very tight?
You feel me God? I done did so much shit while on Earth
I smoke, I drink, I curse, and to make matters worse
I bust my gun first, and then I chat with your corpse
Since way back, I was one to never like back-talk
See me at the pearly gates in line, wearin a Northface
Nickle nine at my waist, God done lost faith
Angels greet me but I don't reply back
Just show me to my quarters, and oh yeah, where's Thai at?

Chorus 1/2

~{Announcer}~
Maxie was seriously wounded but the soul still burns
Final battle, fight!

~{Masta Ace}~
Analyze the strength of my game, like Lee Corso
Call me a lost soul, with a vest and my torso
And of course, yo, y'all know I'm no stranger to danger
Like Christ in a manger, feel a whole range of my anger
I breathe down shit so hard you can see sound
And beat down these rap clowns in like three rounds
My pen 'bout as sharp as a dagger, walk with a swagger
Tie your wife to the back of a black Jag and I drag her
Ten blocks, untie the bitch and I still bag her
Give her a smack in the ass and a six pack of lager
My shit go as deep and as dark as a train tunnel
My flows spill like usin the wrong end of a funnel
Everyday I grow more older, and more colder
Fly you to Colorado, roll you over with a Boulder
I know you want to retaliate but you won't dare
Cause you fuckin with some niggaz like this who just don't care

Chorus

{J-Black}
But every time I take a step, it gets dim..
Tell me is this hell we're livin in?
Haha..

{Announcer}
Time's up!
You lose!

Source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com

Useful Software

Alright, I'm just going to take a break for now, and write about why I use the following software:

1. Digsby
It's an IM client that's still in its beta stages, but it has already won me over (at least on Windows). I use Pidgin primarily, since I use Ubuntu fairly often (as long as my projects or whatever doesn't require Windows). Anyway, I simply love Digsby for the following:

1. Ability to connect to many IM services (actually it doesn't matter to me, cause I mainly use MSN, but it's still a very good thing to have, since I do have friends who are on other services.)
2. Ability to connect to Facebook, and other social networking sites, and receive updates! I didn't care much about social networking sites in the past, but since getting into Uni I realised Facebook is one of the easier ways to let me know how my friends are doing. Even then, I found it troublesome to open a browser, log-in, etc. However, with Digsby, it's just there. The updates and all. It's just so seamless!
3. Ability to connect to various email services. For example, I currently have mine set up to connect to my Gmail and Yahoo! Mail. From Digsby I can check how many new emails I have, etc. (like Gmail Notifier).

Well, there're still some cons with it though, but I trust that they'll be resolved soon.

1. No way to invite other people to a conversation, in other words, it is currently unable to start a multi-user chat. Of course, people can still invite you into their chat, but you can't invite others. This can be an issue for those who do mass chats often.
2. Memory usage is a little high, although this has been hugely improved in the latest version.
3. I think the file transfer is a little cranky. Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Lastly, one point that some people have a problem with... You must have a Digsby account. Now, why is this good, and why is this bad? Basically, with Digsby, you sort of assign all your other accounts to it. So, all you have to do is log into Digsby, and everything else, such as your MSN, Yahoo!, Facebook, etc. will log in automatically. Some people might find this an invasion of their privacy, especially if you use a particular email for professional correspondences. Well, to me, if you're worried, just don't link that particular account. Also, from Digsby:

"This information is stored on our servers and is encrypted in a manner that would prevent anyone, including DOTSYNTAX LLC employees from accessing your passwords."

Of course, the final decision is yours. In addition to Digsby, I also use Pidgin often (on Ubuntu).

2. Avira AntiVir Free
For those of you who refuse to pay for an anti-virus, and do not want to resort to piracy, Avira AntiVir is really good. It has served me well for the past few months =). I frequent the following sites often, so do a check for yourself if you want to:

www.wilderssecurity.com
www.av-comparatives.org

3. WinPatrol
The free version is already very good. Basically, this program will notify you of any changes made to your system, and ask if you would allow it, etc. This is a very brief description, please check out the website for more information. Also, if you choose to buy the Plus! version (like I did recently), visit billpstudios.blogspot.com for a coupon to receive a $10 discount =).

4. Unlocker
Taken straight from the site:

• Ever had such an annoying message given by Windows?

• It has many other flavors:
  
  Cannot delete file: Access is denied
  There has been a sharing violation.
  The source or destination file may be in use.
  The file is in use by another program or user.
  Make sure the disk is not full or write-protected and that the file is not currently in use.

• Unlocker is the solution!

Ok, enough said =).

Alright, I guess that's about it. Have a good day =)!

Eden

I love this song, for some reason =). Anyway, today marks 3 years and 2 months since Geri and I have been together ^_^.

On a separate note, I highly recommend Digsby. Take a look for yourself ^^. Will blog about why I recommend it another time, if and when I feel like it. Ok, take care people.

Sometimes life sucks, but you just got to keep telling yourself you will make it out alive somehow.

Rant

I hate my (school) life the way it is now, I wish it wasn't like this, but I don't have much of a choice now. I'm supposed to be enjoying myself now, because I was supposed to go Zouk with some of my friends, but here I am, blogging, and ranting, after writing approximately 70% of a 2000-word essay.

I don't particularly care about nightlife, nor clubbing for that matter. I care about relaxing, about having some time for myself, and more importantly, having a damn life. But no, I haven't had such a chance at all. In fact, I feel so busy and stupid that even blogging seems like a complete waste of time now, and the only f*cking reason I'm doing so is because I don't know how to continue the essay. This is not the life I envisioned, and everything just seems to be getting worse each day. I remember what one of my professors said during one of the talks before school started. He said he always gets As, and that one of his friends was the so-called slack one, as in he didn't do well, but really enjoyed University life. Anyway, he goes on to say that all he is now is just a professor, while his "slack" friend is now doing very well in life, running his own business and all. I remember he ended his talk with something like, "Don't be a loser, enjoy your uni life." I think he meant it to a certain extent, although it might seem like a joke at that point in time.

You know what? I fully agree. I miss my poly life. Yes, a lot of people say poly life is slack, bla bla bla. Well, I say, it's precisely because you all think this way, and that's why you didn't score during poly. Poly life can be slack, but you can choose to put in your effort and do well. And I frigging did. I put in my effort, I did well, and most importantly, I ENJOYED MYSELF. Not because I got results of straight As, or distinctions, but because poly life was fun in itself. Despite putting in effort to study, I still had the time to play, to join CCAs. Yup, CCAs, I enjoyed running my club, and I appreciate the wonderful members I had. Yes, there was f*cking politics, which till today, I'm quite lost as to what really happen. But you know what? I don't give a f*ck about some guy who chose to abandon his brothers over one girl. Nor do I give a f*ck about someone who only cares about his grades, someone who can sacrifice his friendships just to be in a lecturer's good shoes. I cared about my wonderful friends, about the occasional drinking sessions we'd have in school, about the events we ran together, about the daily ogling and chasing at girls, about the once-in-a-blue-moon guys heart-to-heart talk. I cared about living my life.

I didn't have a wonderful secondary school life, especially during upper secondary, due to the amount of family issues and whatever. I took all that negative energy, and told myself to put it to good use during poly, and I did. I enjoyed poly life so much that I went back to help out after I graduated, that till today the bunch of idiots I mixed around with are still my good friends, that we still crack the same jokes and it still makes us laugh, that I can't help but feel sad when I think and know that in future we're going to change and drift further apart.

During NS, I still had time for them. For Geri, and also for my family. Yes, it wasn't much, but there was time. No matter how busy I was, I could always find time for them. At the very least, when I do spend time with them, I didn't have to think about ANYTHING ELSE.

Then came uni life, and I'm utterly defeated by it. Yes, I could probably not give a damn, and maybe aim for an average CAP, but that's not what I want. Why is it that I'm finding it so f*cking hard to manage my time? Why is it that the only time people bother to make friends or talk to you is when they need help? What the f*ck. When you frigging needed help I tried to be there, no matter how busy I was. But when I needed help you weren't even around. Screw you all.

I don't really care anymore. I've realised there're bound to be sacrifices on this path I've chosen, or rather, been forced to choose. And I'm going to walk it, come out of it alive, and if there are things I must do, I will do it, somehow. I hate how abstract this f*cking post is, I hate how much I cannot say, and I hate the way my (school) life is. This mugging, this frigging culture, this is bullshit.

I wish I could type like this for my essay, you know? But I can't. This life just isn't what I envisioned. Nothing close to it at all. Where's the fun in school, when all you do is study? There's no free time at all, if you spend your free time with schoolwork idling at the back of your mind.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not up to it. F*ck.

It's been a long time since I actually felt like blogging, and today's one of them. I've been really busy recently, and on top of that there are many personal issues on my mind, which sucks considering that I've a sit-in lab test later (at 2pm), as well as a Math test on Friday.

Before I came into Uni, I thought that if I stayed in a residence, I'd be at least able to return home once a week (other than weekends, of course). I thought I'd be at least able to meet my dearest Geri at least once or twice during the weekdays. I also thought that I'd be able to live life to the fullest, doing the things I love, like working out, actually joining and participating in some CCAs, among others. I thought wrong for all of them.

So far, there has only been once when I returned home during the weekdays, and that was only because my main computer was down, and I had to fix it or I'm screwed. That took such a toll on me that I felt really burned out by the end of that week. Nevertheless, getting to see your family kind of makes it a lot better =).

The number of times I've met Geri during the weekdays can be counted with one hand. I'm really trying to find time, but time is not friendly with me nowadays. I'm really thankful I've such a wonderful and understanding girlfriend =).

I've only really jogged twice, and only exercise VERY lightly about twice a week, one of which is ON A WEEKEND.

I think my time management skills suck, but I'm trying. I'm so tired. This is not the kind of life I wanted, but sometimes there's no choice due to certain obligations.

Also, yesterday was my sister's birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEI MEI =)!

"And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again" - The Used, Blue And Yellow

21 + 1

Happy 22nd Birthday to Myself! Haha =). Well, my friends had some sort of mini celebration for myself and Jeremy on Friday already, and it was really nice! Dearest Geri came as well ^_^. Thanks guys and girl =P.

Spent the entire Sunday doing tutorials though, and today's Monday, my birthday, and I'm schooling. Bah. Thankfully Geri came down for lunch with me, and brought a mini cake as well. Thanks dear ^^. I'd love to blog more but am very tired right now =(. Thank you all for the birthday wishes ^^.

Oh ya, from Welson to me: