Fucked Up Slacking

My initial plan was to slack all the way till March 12, and officially start working or finding jobs on March 13. Yet with each passing day I hate this boredom more and more. Why? Doing nothing in itself is fun. Nothing as in no work, no deadlines to meet. Just having fun. I started exercising again yesterday, and had a great time playing soccer with my friends today. On the other hand, I've been going to school since Monday, either for club meetings, or to do some project stuff. Project? Well, my project's already completed more or less, but I've to hand it over to my juniors who will be adding new features and whatnots. At the same time, I've to guide them and try to help them out. The juniors who took over my projects seem nice =). All these don't make me feel busy, when compared to my usual school life. In fact, I still feel like I've nothing to do. So why so I hate this nothingness?

You see, when you've nothing to do, your mind starts wandering. You start thinking of unnecessary stuff, or stuff that's been blocked out while you were busy preparing for your examinations. Generally, things that make you think usually make you sad. At least for me. Anyway, these are the exact words taken from my sister's blog:

since he`ll never change , ii`ll not change for his sake . ii remain as hhu ii was liikk the past . staying out every night . doing nothing , with no aim in life . haiis .

As you can see, her family doesn't matter. All that matters is what the BOY she "loves" wishes for. It's sad, but true. All she'll ever care about is stuff that doesn't matter at all at her age. I don't wish to elaborate any further. Also, as she wished, I've stopped contacting her altogether.

On another note, I really don't understand certain people. It's sad when you see segregation among your friends. Really. Whatever it is, I don't intend to give a shit anymore. When people say it's over, I think they usually don't mean it.

Lastly, there was a recent incident in SG that got all the males excited, maybe a few females as well. I don't want to act all gentlemanly and stuff, but the person involved probably never intended for this to happen, so stop all your almighty labelling of this person as "slut", "whore", etc. Seriously I would love to see your reaction if the person involved was related to you. Another thing to note is there were three people involved. The one who started all these, and the two people who never intended for this to happen. So why the fuck are you focusing all your attention on just one of them? Because she's a girl? I see people everywhere calling people who are defending this person to stop acting and whatnots. If watching something that is causing someone else to suffer brings you happiness, I don't want to know what kind of environment you grew up in. I'd bet your parents are either the same as you, or they wouldn't want to acknowledge you. Last but not least, I would never have wanted to blog about this at all, but the fact is some of the people I know are reacting in this fucked up manner as well, and the majority of the Singaporean male population as well. Anyway, I hope she's able to go on with life normally as soon as possible.

Johari Window

Mine:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=YC86

Darling:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Geri87

Please do them if you know either me or her! ^_^ Thanks!

Holidays

So here's my plan for the holidays...

Now Till 13 March
- Slack and relax.
- Spend all the time I can with Darling!
- Finalize all the MTC and FOC planning by then.
- Tidy up ESC club room.
- Hope that I get good results.
- Have fun with my friends!

13 March Till NS (No Idea When)
- Work at Acer (Hopefully).
- Spend all the time I can with Darling!
- Dedicate some time to FOC and MTC.
- Check out which universities I can apply for.
- Hope I get some scholarship somehow.
- Have fun with my friends!

Basically that's it. I think =).

Soul Meets Body

I've changed the song in this blog to Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie. It's a nice song, and the lyrics are as follows:

Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me,
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel... feel what it's like to be new.

'Cause in my head
There's a Greyhound station
Where I set my thoughts
To far-off destinations
So they may have a chance
Of finding a place where they're
Far more suited than here.

I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt
With our palms cupped like shovels,
But I know our filthy hands
Can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain.

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes, I'll hold you near,
'Cause you're thee only song I want to hear.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

Where soul meets body.
Where soul meets body.
Where soul meets body.

And I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes, I'll hold you near,
'Cause you're thee only song I want to hear.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
Source: SongMeanings

Random Thoughts

What's with the teenagers nowadays acting all matured and shit? They can't wait to grow up? Why? So they can start fucking, clubbing, smoking and drinking? Get a fucking life. Get real.

I've been blog-surfing the past few days, reading mostly the people who I know (and that's why I'm so affected). Get a life. Really.

First of all, is someone related directly to me by that which is thicker than water. You judge friends on whether they were there with you or not? That is so cool. Naturally, when you break up with someone, ANYONE can be at your side and tell you, "Cheer up." Maybe even lend you a shoulder to cry on. Yet, if they were really friends, will they encourage you to smoke, drink, run away from home? SORRY TO SAY THIS, but they probably happened to be there, because just like you are, they have no life. Hanging out at coffeeshops, spurting vulgarities faster than they can actually enunciate the fucking word properly, that is cool. Even cooler is the fact you went back to them because you needed them. In other words, they're just tools to you. I'm seriously sad with how things are turning out. Let me tell you this, MUM WENT TO BANGKOK ON TUESDAY, DID YOU EVEN KNOW? The money on your table, and everything else, was there because Mum asked me to. But you don't give a shit. You come home, take the money, bathe, make-up, and go out. I don't want to count the number of times I've had to quarrel with basically everyone because of you. Time and again I tell myself it's ok. It's ok. She'll turn better. It's ok. Thank you for being so selfish, and for only caring about your own happiness.

Next, I'll talk about some stuff in relation to relationships, and this concerns the person who is related to me by blood as well. How old are you? 15? 16? 20? Time to get married? THE ONE? BROKEN PROMISES? Because you broke yours I'm going to break mine? YAY I WIN. IT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE UP WITH ME THAT'S WHY I AM A CHAO AH LIAN NOW? IT'S BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME NOW I'M A PLAYBOY? FUCK ALL OF YOU. Don't blame your fucking weaknesses on someone else. You're pathetic. If you fucking want to get into a relationship, don't whine when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. YOU GOT PLAYED OUT? MENTALLY? PHYSICALLY? YES I GET IT. MOVE ON. There's no need to whine and degrade yourself any further. Or is it "Since I had sex with my first boyfriend, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll be a slut now."? PIECES OF SHIT. Fucking move on. At this age, all that matters is whether you're HAPPY with the person or not. Why bother about stuff like "Will you marry me?", "Are you the one?" and so on? Wake the fuck up, especially the ah lians wanting to act like a good girlfriend, and the ah bengs trying to be macho men. If you behave like a fucking slut, wearing miniskirts so short it barely covers your fucking panties, or if you behave like some fucked up no-lifer smoking and acting tough with that 40kg, 1.6m frame of yours, don't bother getting into any relationship. Even if you do, it'll be with someone as low-class as yourself. I THINK, and YOU KNOW, the most important thing is to do something about YOURSELF.

You owe it to yourself for being with whoever you want to be with. So don't fucking blame it on anyone else but yourself. It has nothing to do with your parents, nothing to do with your friends, and NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FUTURE partners. Compare, compare and compare. "I'm sorry I've to leave you because I not good enough for you." Yeah, seriously, if you want to break up just say it. If you really feel you're not good enough fucking go and improve yourself. I'm sick and tired of all the people around me getting troubled, either directly or indirectly, by people who simply have no direction in life. As you can see, I'm troubled as well, by my very own sister.

And some of you are probably thinking, "Aiyah this guy sore loser, ugly and no girlfriend that's why complain." I don't give a shit. I don't know if I'm ugly or not in your eyes, but I've a very nice and sweet girlfriend, and really good friends by my side. And I'm thankful for that.

To those no-lifers aka "chiobu ah lians" and "yandao ah bengs", I think your life is better spent in the coffin. Either that, or do something about it. There are so many people in Africa who would want to have the pleasures you all have. Stop wallowing in your self-pity. And to my own blood, please wake up from your dream. It's giving all of us nightmares. I still miss the sister who was scared of being alone at home.

Anyway, check out this post. I like it =).

Examinations Are Over... Is TP Life Over As Well?

EXAMINATIONS ARE FINALLY OVER! Since Year 2 I've barely rested. Everyday's about rushing this and that. If there's no projects, there'll be club stuff. If there's no club stuff, there'll be term tests. If there's no term tests, there'll be examinations! Well, you get it.

For now, I just hope I'll do well for all three papers =). Wish me, and my friends, good luck, ok?

TP life isn't yet over for me though, although I will surely miss those times. I still have one event left to run, and I've to return to ITCU to help out from time to time. It won't be the same anymore though. It's going to be sad. I've to close the chapter and move on. No more talking shit in CENT room, or looking at (school) girls together. I'm sad =(.

Anyway, I was thinking of how much my TP life could have been better, and I'm proud to say, it couldn't have been THAT much better. Looking back at when I first entered TP, I feel like a different person. Better in many ways, but at the same time, worse in some ways. I never expected school life to have such an impact. Sad to say, I'm not looking forward to university life at all. That's a little too far though, I still have to serve my country =).

Why am I not looking forward to university life? I'm not really sure, but maybe because I'm scared that it'll never compare to my TP life. Sigh. Even if it does it wouldn't be the same people =(. Some people go to school because they've no choice, they just need a Diploma to find work. Some go without knowing what they want, some go for very weird reasons, like choosing a course based on the girls, etc. I don't know about my friends' reasons, but I know for a fact we've been through thick and thin together, and this itself makes it hard for me to accept we're graduating soon. I never felt this way back in secondary school, probably because I didn't really enjoy it. But this feeling right now, it's really something special =).

Anyway, I think my TP life would've been a little better if the stuff that happened in Year 2 never happened. Then we would still all be good friends now. Having fun, etc. Well =(.

Having A Break

I'll continue "The Past 3 Years" posts another day, probably sometime after my examinations. Talking about examinations, 2/3 papers are over. Left with the last one. Wish me good luck =)!

I seldom listen to radio, so I'm not really up to date with the latest songs from whatever the hottest genre is suppose to be right now. Anyway, I happened to listen to Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You the other day, during Valentine's Day (while I was at Suntec with her ^_^). Well, someone made a dedication, so I actually sat through and listened, and it didn't sound like a love song at all. True enough, it's a song about her family breaking up, about her teenage years, about all the shit she went through. Off topic for a moment, please take some time to understand the lyrics before dedicating a song in future... Lol ^_^.

The thing is I can really relate a lot to this song. As some of you know, or not know, my parents divorced when I was in Secondary 3. It wasn't easy, and till today it's not. I don't mind talking about it though, and in fact joke about it at times, because I don't see a point in being sad over it all the time. My sadness probably can't compare to theirs. I love them both very much, honestly. Yet, sometimes the things they do just makes you wonder what you are to them. I probably have one of the best mothers in the world, and I'm really glad =).

Why am I writing this suddenly? I don't know, probably because of my sister and the stupid song ^^. You see, my sister hasn't returned home to sleep for the past week or so, again. I'm tired, really. She writes on her blog that my dad bothers her, that she's afraid of him. Please, to my sister, you don't even know what you have. You even have the cheek to say "No wonder mother left you." You, barely 16 years of age, trying to judge your own parents divorce. You said "Let mother off, don't bother her." Are you trying to run away? Or are you trying to protect mum? You don't even know where she is now. You claim we take away your happiness? FUCKING SHIT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING THAT'S HAPPENING. You feel unwanted? Want to compare? Mum and dad works so hard for your sake, yet you say this kind of things. You come home daily to take a bath, and then go out again. Mum washes all the clothes for you. I've to do the dishes sometimes. Hotel? Don't talk so nice and sweet on your blog. You only portray that side to your friends, never to us. I asked you if you were coming back, you said later. Then you told me to stop asking. Fine =). If you can't agree on my point of view, it's ok. If you hate me, it's ok. The basic respect ANY HUMAN should have is to respect your parents, and respect yourself. You don't have any of that.

If you really hate it when people call just to ask how you are, I suppose your wish is granted. Many a times I've NOT wanted to call you, but because I was worried I had to call. And this is how you respond. You know what? Do what you like. You claim you're tired? Yeah, I suppose so, for constantly staying out late, drinking, and god knows what. For constantly wasting your time on finding guys that promise you "forever", only to break up eventually, and you simply whine to your almighty friends, who are ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE. Why don't you ask yourself what you're doing?

I'm tired of many things, but unlike you, I don't push the blame to anyone. I've never felt this disappointed in anyone before, and I think you already know that. Whereas other families are able to be together happily, I'm stuck in the center whenever any conflict takes place. And you, don't help in any way, because you always feel you're the victim. I'll tell you, all of us are victims, and all of us are at fault as well.

Another thing, I think Singapore's media/journalism/whatever you call it, really sucks. Downright sucky =).

The Past 3 Years... (Part III)

I'm back! Had a really great Valentine's Day with G! She's so damn sweet! *hugs*

Anyway, back to topic, 2.2 was a tough year. Thankfully, with a little luck here and there, I managed to clear it successfully. I forgot to mention a rather significant, those embarrassing moment in Year 2. I can't remember if it was 2.1 or 2.2, but I actually went to ask for a girl's number. The stupid thing was, I was practically trembling. LOL. I'll never forget her saying, "Don't worry, I won't eat you up." The point is, after that incident, I told myself to seriously just be myself. I normally wouldn't screw this kind of things up. Yet because she's a girl I was interested in, I screwed it up. It became pretty weird talking to her on the phone (Well, I succeeded in getting her number anyway). Eventually we just stopped talking, and till today I feel stupid whenever I think about it. To all the boys and men out there, when you ask for a girl's number, just be honest. Just say you find her attractive. Don't give stupid reasons like, "I want to make friends." You think the girls are stupid? Of course, always try to strike up a conversation before getting the number. But don't use stupid pick-up lines =P. Well, even though I screwed up, I was honest, so it was still a success! Okay, enough laming =).

Year 2.2 was also the period in which my sister started changing for the worse, drastically. Till today it's still happening, and every single day I hope and pray that she'll realize her mistakes. It's sad, really. I've never felt more sad since the day my parents divorced. Blood is thicker than water after all... So, to my dear sister, if you happen to read this, please, wake up.

Anyway, all these while, G was always there! She's always talking and joking with me, cheering me up and whatever, and it's really sweet. I'm trying to fit her into my posts as much as possible, but I think I'll end up writing about her instead. So dear dear, I'll write something for/about you in future. I'll dedicate an entire post to you =P! Don't be jealous ok =P?

I guess that's all for today. I'll write about about Year 2, and start on Year 3 in my next post. GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE IN TP WHO WILL BE HAVING THEIR EXAMINATIONS NEXT WEEK =)!

P.S.: To everyone who's been reading from Part I, sorry about the disorganization. It's been a really long time since I wrote something this long =(. Nevertheless, I hope you'll have an enjoyable time reading about what happened during my school life in TP.

The Past 3 Years... (Part II)

So I was saying, my team mates were very lazy. Nevertheless, most of them are my good friends, so it was still fun working with them =). The projects were really tough, seriously. Thank goodness I like programming a lot, so it was more or less an enjoyable, though tough, journey. The toughest part was actually trying to get E off my mind as I work on my projects. Anyway, since I'm a natural genius, I managed to complete my projects and did pretty well for all of them =P. 2.1 was an especially important year because I got to know a bunch of people from the other class, P02. Oh ya, I was in P01 for most of my lessons, if not all. Anyway, I'm still pretty close with most of these people today. The sad thing is, a lot of stuff happened in Year 2 =(. Till today, I feel that what happened was largely stupid and unjustified, and it seems to have split the entire cohort into multiple groups. I wouldn't mind if it was the people involved that aren't close anymore, but people who aren't involved are poking their noses into everything and taking sides, causing the cohort to split up even more. When I first got to know these people, I didn't hold any positions, but when the problems started, I was the Vice-President of CENT Club (my course's club). So it was pretty sad when you see your own course fall apart and you can't do shit about it. Oh ya, Jia Hua and Chris were the ex-Main Committee before my batch took over. Another important point to note was I became the VP at a much later stage than the rest became the President, Secretary and stuff. It seems my name was left out =(. Unwanted.

I can't remember the exact timeframe during which all those stupid friendship stuff happened, but I remember blogging about them. Sad to say, till today, we aren't close anymore. Perhaps the bad blood is gone, but the wound doesn't seem to close for some of them/us. Well well. Anyway, I went on to run the Open House 2005, and it was one great event! Together with Jeremy, Maclean, and Gregory, the event went really smooth, considering it was our first time. Nevertheless, there are always people trying to bring you down and shit behind your back. EVEN TILL NOW! The sad thing is some of them are pretty well-known people as well, such as holding the positions of Presidents and whatnots in other clubs. Bah. Even weirder is the fact that I don't recall them helping out at all. As an ex-President, I think it's bad to talk shit about other clubs. If you have something against him/her, bring it up and settle it nicely.

Due to certain circumstances, my President eventually stepped down, and I had to take over. Thankfully, Jeremy took over as the Vice-President, and together with Maclean, Raj, Gregory, and the rest, we managed to more or less do well as a club. We eventually stepped down of course. Anyway, I'm not going to elaborate of each and every event we've done, but I love CENT Club! I mean OUR CENT Club, the one with Maclean and the rest! It has to be one of the most memorable memories (WTF) in TP for me. It was great. Jia Hua and Chris were also really good seniors, and we had good advisors as well =). So that more or less sums up Year 2.1 for me. It was a semester full of ups and downs. If that wasn't a rollercoaster ride, I don't know what is. Everytime I write about Year 2 I seem to flare up a little =(.

Back to personal life, I can't remember when it was (2.1 or 2.2), but E got back in touch with me. She said she really missed me, and wanted to work things out. Being the weakling that I am, I agreed and we tried working things out. She was really sweet when she went overseas, as she actually prepared a present for each day she's away. and I was supposed to open them daily. Nevertheless, things didn't work out, so yup. It's not a bad thing actually, otherwise I would never be with the sweetie I'm with now =). Let's call this sweetie G =P. I got to know her through Roy, so I guess I've to thank him for that. BUT, to be fair to myself, the rest was entirely my actions =P. Anyway, G has been really sweet all these while, from the day I know her till now. I don't know why I'm wondering off topic now, but it's Valentine's Day now, so HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY dear dear =)! I'll continue on how I got together with her later on =P.

Year 2.2 soon started, and some of my friends got posted to different classes, so the project groupings were different for certain subjects. Again, it was one hell of a semester. DSA and EWA were killer subjects. Both had weird lecturers! Weird in a good way actually, they are both very nice lecturers to talk to and joke with, but when it comes to school work, they're scary! Thanks to them though, I really learnt a lot more about programming. 2.2 was a really busy year as well. Events and projects were all thrown together to form a huge lump of monstrous schedule that I can't run away from =(. I think I got to know G sometime around this period as well, and we got really close somehow, although I've only seen her once before this (which she doesn't remember =P). ... I'll continue another day. Getting tired and examinations' in one week's time and I'm still slacking. Damn it. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

The Past 3 Years... (Part I)

Alright, my life at Temasek Polytechnic has finally come to an end, more or less. All that's left are the examinations in roughly 2 weeks' time, and that's it. 3 years have passed. Since it's actually something important, I'll try my very best to write everything that comes to mind when I think back on the 3 years.

It feels sad, honestly. There's no happiness at all in this. You know, I thought I'd go, "Yay finally!" On the contrary, I'm actually feeling, "Please don't end." I had a very good primary school life, but my secondary school's one was more or less screwed. Life at Temasek Polytechnic was, simply put, the best school life I've ever had. I made friends and made enemies (which was against my will), organized and helped out at events, and most importantly, I had fun. Though there were lots of downs as wells, in the end, the trip was fun. It was great, really.

I'm honestly feeling very sad over it. Life's not going to be the same anymore. No more going to school just to waste my time away with my friends. No more waking up late, taking a cab, only to still be marked late. Or early, depending on the lecturer. No more debating with some friends which is the correct way to go about programming this and that. It ends, just like this. I know for sure I'm going to miss Temasek Polytechnic.

In Year 1, I didn't really focus much on my studies. Most of my time was spent skipping lectures (with my friends), especially in Year 1.2. I didn't really know what I wanted, I only knew that I'll choose Computer Engineering in Year 2. Yet, somehow or rather, I managed to do rather well, and till today, I believe that was what drove me to work hard for my results. I actually felt like achieving something for once, academically. Anyway, the studying part went smoothly for me in Year 1. However, the thing I'll always remember was my class A301. Although we aren't close anymore now, it was a great class. If I'm not wrong, there were only 3 girls in that class. Of course, you can imagine the boys' disappointment. Well, at that time I was attached to E (fake name, of course!), so it didn't really bother me that much. Still, being in a class with that many guys is really weird. Simply put, when you sit at the back of the class, all you see is guys' asses. Really interesting. Lol. I made some really great friends in Year 1, and till today we're still close. Shouts to Maclean and Gregory! Anyway, I ONLY PARTICIPATED in ONE event in Year 1, and that was the Open House. I joined as an E-Guide, and as fated would have it, the organizers were Jia Hua and Chris. Why fate? Well, in Year 2, I will find out that these two people are actually my seniors in the club I will join.

So, time passes, and I worked like crazy during the holidays (the one before the start of Year 2.1). Maclean, Gregory, Chin Ming, Roy, and a whole bunch of us worked at Acer. Some of us got helpdesk, others got on-site. Well, I'm luckier :P. I got to do some testing of the computers there, which was really fun! Anyway, things soon turned out bad, as E would break up with me just before the start of Year 2.1. It was a really down moment for me at that time, but it was a mutual break up more or less, I guess. Heh, that rhymes. Anyway, E's with another guy now, so I'd like to wish the two of you all the best!

Anyway, Year 2.1 started. I became a zombie for the first 2 weeks. I didn't have the mood to study, and I spent nearly every other night drinking. Alan kept me company almost everyday. He's a really good friend of mine, although both of us have been busy recently. The stuff taught in Year 2.1 was killer, compared to those in Year 1. Most of us got lost, we didn't even know where to start. Somemore, bit by bit, I managed to grasp most of the concepts, and things became a little smoother. It was a really tough year, especially when my group mates were all so lazy :P...

Ok, I'll stop here for now. Not feeling very well, will continue another day. =)

I Will Update!

Been a while since I last updated. Life's been pretty hectic. Anyway, I was recently warned that I might get debarred for one of my examination papers, for being constantly late in class. I've already provided the reasons, and found out as much as possible, and so far the chances of getting debarred is rather low. Sigh, what good is a reason when your lecturer think you're lying? Like I would like to lie about something as personal as the reason I've told them. It's pretty sad when your lecturer is prejudiced against you. Well, what can I say? To top it off, I got marked 3 more times late than I should be. When I told him about it, he was like, "If you really early why would I mark you late?" Hey, you're the one taking the attendance, don't ask me something like that. I've no reason to lie. I just don't want some petty lecturer to ruin my future. So please wish me the best, thanks ^^.

Anyway, on to the better things, life's been pretty good. I'm in the Engineering Project Show. It's actually not that good. You see, all of us are literally standing there doing nothing. The people who have visited my booth so far are mostly adults/lecturers. The students are more interested in the games projects =(. Still, it's a good experience being able to explain and demo the project to various people, and learn how to answer questions appropriately. My sister's been much better as well =).

Alright, I'm lazy again :(. Good night! =)

Check out this song, it's really nice!

Nightmare Of You - I Want To Be Buried In Your Backyard
The streets are all violent
with murderous excitement
The hunter and the prey are dancing everyday
That waltzing jibberish
where intake becomes outlandish
I'm in a bad way every passing day

"So where do do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
for i haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now i want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart
You're still in my heart

A flash of dark interest steers us into this car crash
uniting our remains, a firey hurray ...ay ay ay
Our hands touch unnoticed
pressed up against melting glass
You're calling out my name as the air escapes

Oh "Where do do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
for I haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart

Oww..

"Where do do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Woo..

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
for I haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart

When the flowers grow
just know you're in my heart

When the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart...
Source: http://www.letssingit.com/

Alright, school's been ok so far. My sister's a little better behaved as well. At least for now.

Anyway, as much as I hate to admit, sometimes life's really unfair. Let's say you're assigned a project, and you've to lead a team of people under you. You put in 101% effort for a project. Similarly, there're others doing other projects as well. Whether within or out of your own group, there're those who are like you, giving all they have, and those who simply do little, or nothing at all. Yet special attention is paid to a certain group of people, whether they're those that put in effort or not. Why? Is it because they've been assigned a project that's more important? Can't ALL project supervisors pay equal attention to their groups? Well, guess I'll leave it at that.

On another note, Dr William Tan just did a 24-hour marathon in my school. He's aiming for the Guinness Book of Records. It was really inspiring watching him completing laps after laps. I think the total count in the end was 660 or 661 laps! It started around 7pm on Thursday, and ended around the same time on Friday. I ran on both days, and my legs hurt like crazy now. Nevertheless, it was fun! =) Hope this milestone gets recorded into the Guinness Book of Records!

Lastly, I'd like to take a short moment and thank a special someone ^_^. No idea when she'll read this though =P. You know who you are, idiot! =P Thanks for being so ! <3

My parents chose to divorce, but my sister chose to destroy everything's that's left of it. Now I know why you need friends. Because sometimes your own family just can't be trusted. I don't blame any of them. I think this is what you call fate. Or destiny. Or bullshit. I like the last one the best. I've never felt more disappointed than this. Not disappointed with myself, but with my sister. Good job. You win. What else do you fucking want? I've to swallow my pride when I saw your fucked up friends, had to keep quiet like an idiot. It's alright, I tell myself, but you only go further. Sorry? Stop your fucking acting. Maybe I'll tell this straight to your face the next time I see you. Selfish POS. Get your fucking idea right, I don't, and will NEVER owe you a thing. This family is a tool to you, mother and father are just puppets to you. I don't feel like going home? Your friends are so cool :), so are you.

Malacca Trip

Hello all,

I went to Malacca yesterday with my mother and sister, and it was really fun yet tiring. I know Malacca means nothing to some of you fellow Singaporeans, but it's been a long time since I stepped out of Singapore. Anyway, I had to wake up at 5.30am, catch a quick breakfast, take a quick bath, and then finally leave house at 6.15am or so. Reached Lavender at 7am, waited for the coach to arrive, and off we went.

We went via the Tuas link, and reached the Singapore customs around 8.30am or so, I think. Anyway, fast-forward a little, we reached a small town in Malaysia to catch some snacks or "brunch". Haha. Finally, we reached Malacca around 1.15pm, for lunch! The food was very nice! Oh ya, before that, we went to this "The World's Bees Museum" or something like that. Shows you all the different types of bees, and the honey there is good as well ^_^.

Anyway, after lunch, we went to this shopping mall, can't remember the name. Got myself some clothes. I feel quite bad wasting my mother's money =(. After that we went to some small district with a lot of Peranakan snacks. Bought some stuff there again.

Ok I'm getting lazy to type on. Bottom line is, it was fun! On another note, I don't know about my sister. I think she might read this but anyway, I find it a bit hard to trust her sometimes. She still behaves like nothing's ever happened, and just a moment ago she lost her temper when my mother wanted her mobile phone back. I'm tired, honestly. I know my mother is too. We're all trying so hard but you seem to take everything for granted. When we're nice to you, you step all over us. When we try to correct you, you lose your temper.

It's sad when someone uses you, it's worse when it's your own family member. I don't know what you're trying to achieve till now. Just hope you'll come to your senses soon and realise your mistakes. I know it takes time, but I'll be going NS next year, and if you don't change by then it's going to be hard for us.

Lastly, to end this on a good note, good night =).

Things have been improving at home, hope it gets better...

Anyway I'm leaving for Malacca in 5 hours. Good night people!

I miss a particular someone very much ^_^.

Fucked Up

Hello all, been a long time since I posted. Hope life's been very good for all of you. Anyway, my sister finally came home. YAY! My ass.

I was sort of happy when I first heard it. It's been MONTHS since I saw her, although she probably doesn't care. Yet when I came home, she acted like nothing's changed. Like my mother and I was wrong. No respect for anyone at all.

I've been trying not to write about her for a long time. It's always on my mind. The past few months were really good for me, but I'm always worried about her. My parents too. When staying with my father, my sister consistently left house only to return 3 or 4 days later. Each time, she would refuse to pick up her phone, giving excuses as stupid as "HANDPHONE LOW BATTERY LA". The last time I checked I shouldn't be able to get through someone if the handphone's off =).

Thanks to this, my mother and father are on really bad terms once again. Nice job. I really appreciate the amount of effort you put in just to screw the whole family up. Your friends? Lol. Friends? People who encourage you to smoke, or help you with "unlocking" your mother's room door. Oh ya, I've yet to make a report about that. You think you're so great? Thanks to you, mother and father are NOT EVEN ON TALKING TERMS ANYMORE YOU SMART ASS.

Ask yourself, have you ever kept to your promises? No. No. No. You lied about this, lied about that. Tell mother A, tell father B. Thanks.

The first thing you asked me when you came home today, "Can use your computer?". No sense of guilt, no sense of shame. Fuck your conscience. I know what you're going to say. "Why you always use vulgarities? Just like Papa." First of all I hate comparisons, secondly I don't use vulgarities as much as you hope I will. You don't even have any respect for yourself. Style. Make-up that makes you look like some china doll I can buy off the shelves. Cool? I know why you came home today, because you needed to take a bath. I'm tired of everything you're doing.

All I know is the things I value in my life are in the following order:
1. Family
2. Girlfriend and Friends
3. Studies
4. Health

And the things you value are in the following order:
1. "FRIENDS"
2. Money
3. Yourself
4. Yourself
5. Yourself

I'm disappointed, really. You stayed at father's home as long as he had a computer with a working internet connection for you to use, but the moment the internet got cut off, you start straying outside. Selfish bitch. You think you're the only one with problems? You claim you want to return to school to study, so FOR ONE LAST TIME I HOPE YOU KEEP YOUR WORD.

Just to let you know, don't ever let me see your friends in OUR house. Especially not in MY room. Really. If you hate this you can ask them to come to me personally, or maybe even kill me. Just like you killed the faith and hope everyone had in you. Why? Because you feel no one cares for you.

About that, JUST TO LET YOU KNOW. SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. I'm the one without problems. You think mother or father will worry if I'm out for 2 days. No. You think I like that? Go on this way. You're becoming all you ever hated.

P.S: If you still want to play nice I'll listen. Otherwise don't interfere in my life. The sister I had is gone long ago. You just look like her. No, you don't even look like her. She looked much sweeter =). Also, she had a heart. How do I know that? Because her cheeks are naturally pink and rosy. Yours are white with powder =). Like you're trying to hide something.

Oh ya, I won't be surprised if you read it and acted like nothing happened as well.

HOSTS Secure

Hello all, I've written a simple program. Check it out here

W T F ?

http://www.neowin.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=393514

Update

Hello all, hope you're all doing well =). Been a long time since I updated, don't really know what to write at this moment. Just feeling kind of bored, since I'm awake yet doing nothing. No one to accompany me as well. Well, can't blame anyone, it's 3.40am. Haha.

Anyway, I've made some changes to my wall again =P. Will post a new picture up soon. My mother's been complaining that I'm using paper and ink unnecessarily. Lol.

Sometimes I feel really out of control. I know my stupid friends are going to think of something dirty -_-. Anyway, it's like, I know what I'm doing/saying is wrong, yet I can't seem to stop myself from doing/saying them, only to regret after that. Sigh. I feel really sucky, especially when it concerns someone I really like.

Life's been good to me recently, I guess. I sort of miss my sister though. As I've said in previous posts, she's currently living with my father. I got a call from my father the other day, seems that she mis-behaved again =(. You know, I wish you're reading this right now. You might think that right now you're mixing with the best friends you can find in the world, that they're the ones who are always right, but remember, you're only 15. You haven't seen what father and mother have. I don't really know what to tell you anymore. When I try calling you, you almost never pick up my calls. You complained that I don't spend much time with you anymore. Seriously, do I have a choice? Anyway, I really hope you'll show more respect to Mum and Dad before it's too late. You never know when someone is going to leave this world. I don't know about you, but I've always thought of what would happen to us if Mum and Dad weren't around anymore.

I think Dad has told you this already, that Mum seems to be having a recurring cataract. I don't know if you remember, but around ten years ago Mum had an operation to remove the cataract. Now it's back. If you haven't already contacted her, I think it'd be good if you do so now. On a brighter note, I think she will be able to have an operation that wouldn't be too expensive =).

Ok, I seriously don't know what else to write. Take care people. Good night =).

Rasterbator!

Here's my current wall:


Click To View Bigger Version

http://homokaasu.org/rasterbator/

Good morning =). I'm currently at work, and I'm late today. Thankfully someone woke me up =P. The funny thing is I woke up around the time I'm supposed to reach my workplace, which is in Jurong, and I live in Simei. So I'm appromixately 1.5 hours late =\. The reason I can blog now is because there's currently nothing for me to do. Anyway, a conversation around 15 minutes ago between me and a fellow "friend" went like this:

"Friend": "YC, did you tell anyone you not coming today?"
[In a really demanding and authoritative tone.]

YC: "No, not yet."
[Ok, this is my mistake, but I was sleeping when I received the message last night.]

"Fried": "Did you know that Mr. XXX is coming? We thought all of you were coming."
[So, now it's my fault that others didn't turn up. Anyway why is Mr. XXX so important? Lick balls?]

YC: "Ok."

"Friend": "Check your minutes in future."
[Same irritating tone.]

YC: "Ok."
[The truth is I've checked it and I didn't see anything. I just found out I should check "Agenda" instead.]

"Friend": "Bye."

I forgot if I said "Bye", but anyway I proceeded to call those I should call and apologise. Anyway, I used to think "Friend" was friendly and nice before I actually got to work with her directly. Well, well. The sad thing is I know it wouldn't make a difference. Where there's power involved, there'll be politics. Please make it transparent though. I don't want to comment too much, I'm sick and tired of being judged by people who don't even know me. I hate to say this, but I'm in school to excel in my studies AND enjoy, not get involved in stupid politics and fail my studies, nor to show off just because I get some award. Before I got involved with you all, which is the BIGGEST MISTAKE I've made in my polytechnic life, I had a really great school life. Great friends, FUN club, and not-so-bad results. I don't need you to survive in school. Heck, I don't even see a need for you in anything. So, do me a favour, do yourself a favour, don't think so highly of yourself. On another note, I really respect some of you, so please don't get the idea that I'm against everyone.

P.S: Note that I tried to refrain from using any profanities, so as not to hurt other people's feelings.

Aftermath

Ok, I don't exactly feel happy, because it wasn't us who got to present =(. It went well anyway, so yup... =). I want to write about other things anyway.

So it's 4.30am and I'm awake. I don't have to be early for school or anything later on. Yay!

I don't know what's going on in this world anymore. There're people that I wish I could get rid of, seriously. I don't even know why they want to act all familiar with me and shit when they're causing me so much trouble. Fucking hell I wish you would just get out of my life. I don't really know you anyway, and don't intend to know you that well. When you tried committing suicide, why didn't you die?

You aren't even 18, yet you're talking about stuff like loving someone forever, being just someone's tool, and whatnots. Get a hold of your hormones. Your friends are pretty cool too. "i wan euu shoo muchh butt i dunch thinkx euu wan mii animoree" Oh my god, my eyes. You talk about loving someone and shit, when you obviously have no love for your parents.

What the fuck is wrong with you all? Making use of others' sufferings for your own happiness. Read between the lines, maybe you know I'm talking about you, or maybe you don't. It doesn't matter, it's just a rant, and this isn't really targetted at anyone in particular.

You know, sometimes it's weird when someone you didn't even notice back then suddenly becomes someone that's constantly on your mind, and in a very bad way. Back then = 3 years or so. It sucks, and the worst of all, you didn't even have a say in it. It wasn't your choice. Like, A makes friends with someone you treasure a lot, and leads your loved one astray. A.

^_^

Die Forgotten.

Ok, the presentation got postponed till today =). I've more or less recovered, so yay! Wish me all the best for later =)!

I think it's a really sad thing to be forgotten, whether you're dead or not. It just sucks. I think. Let's say, you die. If you believe in a Heaven and a Hell, then good or bad for you, depending on which one you go to. If you end up in Heaven, you'd probably have peace and happiness for all of eternity (if eternity does exists). If you end up in Hell, too bad. I don't know if there's a Heaven or a Hell, but I do know when you die everything's gone. You know, all your dreams, your friends, your family, your everything. Actually they aren't gone, you're the one that's gone. Like, if there's an afterlife, you'll be seeing everyone crying for you. Mourning for you. Maybe they'll get over you after a while. Some might remember you, but some WILL forget you. What if the people who forget you are those you really hold dear? It's scary. If there's no afterlife, you'll just die, get eaten up by maggots, the end. I think. I don't know.

I don't know if I'm scared of death, but I'm sure I'm scared of being forgotten. Like I never existed. The sad thing is, I don't have to die to be forgotten. Some of my friends might just forget me one day, and I might also forget some of my friends.
All the friendship, the feelings, everyone, gone. To be forgotten is such a sad thing. It's like you never made any impact in his/her life. Whether you were there or not doesn't matter. Just another stranger. I don't know why I'm writing this either. I might forget I wrote this when I wake up. Seriously. If you don't remember it, it never happened. If no one remembers you, you never existed. Something like that, heard it before? I think it's quite true.

I think sometimes I just write plain crap.

Long Post... Maybe

It's 12.28am now, September 26. I think it's the day my SIP group has been looking forward to, wanting to get over and done with it as soon as possible. We'll be presenting to someone important later, and I don't know about the rest, but I'm pretty excited and worried at the same time. Anyway, after today, I think I will take a break from my SIP for a while. Probably a week at most. Whatever it is, please wish us all the best for the presentation!

It's been really tiring doing this project, but I've to admit, it's really fun and satisfying at the end of it all. I probably learnt more during this semester than any of the others added together. 3.1 was, and probably will remain, my busiest semester ever. You've your project, you've your club(s), you've your family (which isn't exactly going very well), you've your friends, and you've your personal life (which is going pretty well). So there you have it, some things good, some things bad, some things you just rather not give a damn about.

I've been giving my best to the project ever since it started, and I know some of my group members are too. It'll be really nice if we can complete everything. I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about what my project is about here, so I better not. Whatever it is, it's something really cool. So, tomorrow's finally the day, and I fall sick =(. The main point of this paragraph is, I really want to recover. I need to =P.

Ok, enough about my project. On to school life in general. Seriously, I hate it sometimes. SIP itself has already given me problems, but I'm able to deal with it properly, because it's something you already expect. I frequently have conflicts with one of my group members about how to go about coding/solving some stuff, but at the end of it all we fix the problem, and more importantly, we're still friends, and group members. You've some problems with your supervisors and lecturers, but that's fine with me also. Sometimes it's our fault, sometimes it's the upper management, but whatever it is, it's all good with me as long as it helps the project.

However, when you're getting problems and shit from things/people you're supposed to have fun with, it's really irritating. I don't want to go into details here, but some of my closer friends should know what I'm talking about. Whatever it is, don't force your ideas on others, just because you think it's wrong, or disrespectful, or whatever. First of all, you aren't involved, you simply saw it happening. Secondly, I hate being someone I'm not just to please you all. Lastly, if I can tolerate you behaving like someone you aren't just to please the rest, please show some basic respect for someone who's simply being himself and having fun.

Ok, I'm lazy to blog on. I just woke up a while ago, and I intend to get back to sleep soon. Good night people! Dumb dumb =P.

Upd8

Ok I was supposed to sleep like 1.5 hours ago, but I've been relaxing and listening to songs instead. Anyway, I'm going to school in like 7 hours' time, and it's coding, coding, and more coding again. BUT, I'm also going to have fun! Why?

Firstly, we've already met the project objectives, so now it's mostly adding in more features. We'll be going down to Philips on Wednesday and Thursday to set-up the stuff, and also, we might have to present to them. Hopefully not! I personally would want to fine-tune and fix all the bugs before presenting. I don't want to present a buggy project =(. Anyway, I'm looking forward to coding and integrating and whatever tomorrow!

Secondly, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I'm going to Seoul Garden with my friends and her! Yay =P.

Ok, life's been pretty good to me recently =D. I wish I could work though =P. $_$

Lastly, enjoy the lyrics. I like Eric Clapton's version more, but =P.

Damage - Wonderful Tonight
Intro

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

Verse 1

It’s late in the evening
She’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make-up
And brushes her long brown hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright?
And I say yes
You look wonderful tonight

Du, lu, lu, lu..., oh, oh, oh, oh..., lu, lu, lu, lu..., lu, lu, lu, lu...

Verse 2

We go to a party
And everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady (Beautiful lady)
Who’s walkin' around with me, yeah...
And then she asks me
Do I feel alright?
(I say) And I say yes
I feel wonderful tonight

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

Bridge

(Oh...) I feel wonderful
Because I see
The love that’s right in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize
How much I love you (I really do)

Verse 3

It’s time to go home now (Yes, it is)
And I’ve got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
And she helps me into bed
And then I tell her as I turn down the lights
I say, darling, you were wonderful tonight

Hey, hey..., I said, darling, you were wonderful tonight

Repeat/Fade Out

You look wonderful, you’re everything I need and more
You look wonderful, so beautiful tonight
You look wonderful, you never leave me wanting more
You look wonderful, so beautiful tonight

Source: http://www.lyrics4all.net/

Ok, good night! =)

Edit: I've changed the song to "I Caught Fire" by The Used.

Happy Birthday To Myself *Updated*

Hello, it's finally my birthday =)! Thanks to all the following who have wished me so far =P.

Before 12am:
Murni
Judy
Maclean

Exactly At 12am =P:
Geri =P

After 12am:
Josephine
John
Poh Tiam
Nicholas
Terry
Kelvin
Aunt Alicia
Jeremy
Aunt Helen
Chin Ming
Joven
Hong Wen
Alan
Ethelyn
Hilmi
Asheeq
Yiren
Jie Yan
Dian

MUM AND DAD! & Sister!

To all those that I forgot, sorry! =P

^_^ I'm old and sad now =P.

Update (2.42am, Sep 9):
Anyway, I had a good birthday! I just found out from my mum that my Lunar birthday falls on the same day as my actual birthday this year. She says it happens once every 19 years or something. Although I didn't celebrate with any of my friends, I had a really great time with someone special =). Thanks for being so sweet! I love that video! =D

On another note, I'll probably be having a late celebration with Maclean and the rest sometime next week. Yay!

I'm 19 now! 19 years and 1 day old! =D

Life + Lyrics

The school semester is finally over, SIP has officially ended, but I still have to return to school everyday to finish up my project. My group has to demonstrate a fully-working prototype by this Friday, September 9. Great! Exactly one day after my birthday. I can't even fully enjoy my birthday without any worries. Anyway, other than that, my life's been pretty good, school- and personal-wise.

Personal life's been going great =). <3

Family-wise, I don't really know what to say. My sister seems to be getting from bad to worse each day. She doesn't live with my mother and I anymore. By right, she should be living with my father. However, the truth is, she's not. She's treating my father's house as a hotel. Returning only to bathe and whatnots. It seems she got in touch with my maternal grandmother recently. I hate to say it, and I really feel sad when I think about it, but I feel she's only "keeping in touch" for money. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why humans change so much within a span of a few months. Anyway, I hope she'll stop and wake up from whatever she's doing now and actually live. Instead of wasting her life away.

Anyway, enjoy the lyrics below. I really like both songs =).

The Used - I Caught Fire
Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
We could take our heads off
stay in bed and just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting

In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

The Used - Let It Bleed
This poison’s my intoxication.
I broke the needle off in my skin.
Picked the scabs and pick the bleeding.
And assumed that it was all in vain.
A positive scab that's never healing.
Calloused hit me in the face.
A burning bridge thats's so misleading.
Poison’s more potent now with the flame.

Let it bleed.
And take the red for what it's worth, whoa.
Watch the fire.
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time.
If you feel like dying, you might wanna sing.

The fire department couldn't drown the city.
They didn't even try to wash it clean.
What did you think, that I was sober?
Put me out cause I'm on fucking fire.
A positive scab that's never healing.
Regret that I kept this clean.
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying.
It's not a lie if you can let it sing.

Let it bleed.
And take the red for what it's worth, whoa.
Watch the fire.
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time.
If you feel like dying you might wanna’ SING!

OH, OH, OH, OH YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
HA, HA, HA YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
HA, HA, YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
HA, HA SING!!!!!!!
YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
YOU MIGHT WANNA SING OR SCREAM IT!!

This poison’s my intoxication.
I broke the needle off in my skin.
Picked the scabs and picked the bleeding.
Yeah, assume that it was all in vain.

Let it bleed.
And take the red for what it's worth, whoa.
Watch the fire.
Momma fill your lungs with smoke for the last time.
If you feel like dying.
If you feel like dying.
If you feel like dying, you might wanna’ SING!
HA, HA, HA YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
HA, YOU MIGHT WANNA SING!!
YOU MIGHT WANNA SING OR SCREAM IT!!!!

Source: http://www.sing365.com/

^_^

It's been a while since I actually felt like blogging. Anyway, my father passed me this "Transforming Problems Into The Path" book recently. As you can guess from the title, it's mostly about Buddhism. While I'm a Buddhist, I don't think I'm devoted enough to call myself one. Back to topic, the book's really nice. Anyway, there's this part in the book that I really like (I haven't finished reading it, just 1/4 through).

[Start]

HOW ATTACHMENT ARISES
First of all, we see somebody and we feel he or she is so wonderful. This person is super, this person is the best, most perfect. In our attachment, we exaggerate that person’s qualities. We think that everything they do… the way they walk, the sound of their voice, everything they do, the way they eat is so special, so beautiful. (Laughter) We see no wrong. Our mind paints this picture and we believe in it. And probably they do the same to us – in their eyes, we achieve a godlike
status. (Laughter)

When we get together and start doing things and sharing things together, we want our partner to conform to our selfish and incorrect projections that we have put on them. We begin to feel that they are not perfect, they do not behave in the way we would like them to behave, from our point of view.

So we start to impose ourselves upon them, to try and force them to act in a way more suitable to our preconception about how they should be. And they are doing the same to us – we are no longer a wonderful person in their eyes either.

Through familiarity, they are beginning to see our faults. They are getting a bit edgy, and trying to get us to change our ways so that we will conform to their image of how they think their partner should be.

You can see the recipe for disaster now. We start to feel that we are being constrained, this person is suffocating us. “Let me do what I want!” And so the small arguments start. And bigger arguments follow.

SELF-CENTRED ATTACHMENT
This disaster in our relationship arises because we are self-centred in our original attachment. When we see the person as being so perfect, it means this person is so perfect for me. We actually incorporate this person into our ego, our self-identity. Psychologically, we try to make this person an expression of ourselves.. This is so selfcentred. We give them no space to be an individual, to have different thoughts, to do things the way they want. This is an incredible recipe for fighting, because they are doing the same to us.

So, unhappily, because of our self-centredness and our inflexibility, we will not budge. A little bit perhaps, but in big things we will not accommodate their wishes. So there is disenchantment in our attachment, which we call love. Then we begin to move away from each other. Although actually there is love and some fondness for each other, this is contaminated by our attachment, our ignorant exaggeration of the qualities of the other and grasping at them. We begin to move away.

If we do not have skill, we start to dislike each other. Then, certainly, one of us, or both of us – usually it is one of us, which is very sad, – swings to the other extreme of hating, and the object of attachment is now suddenly an enemy, a devil.

Instead of being a god, now everything they do is bad. We do not like the way they walk. We do not like the way they breathe. The way they cough. The way they brush their teeth.

SWINGING FROM ATTACHMENT TO AVERSION
We think, “They are doing it to hurt us, to make us suffer.” This is what our mind does. Maybe I am talking in extremes, but it does happen this way.

Now our mind flips from attachment to aversion. We go overboard, we see them as totally bad, totally negative. We do not ever want to see them again. But this is the same person we thought we could never be happy without, just a few months earlier.

This is selfishness, this is preoccupation with “Me,” and “My Happiness.” It is an absence of love, an absence of wisdom, and absence of compassion. It is a selfishness which is the root of relationship problems, of all our problems.

GIVING UP OUR SELF-CHERISHING
The only cure for selfishness and self-cherishing is cherishing others. In loving others universally and having compassion for them, we forget about ourselves.

It is not suppressing what we need. We just forget about ourselves because, paradoxically, if we give up our selfish pursuit of things, people automatically love us.

If we have sincere affection for somebody, they embrace us. They want to be always with us. If we have sincere compassion and kindness, then everybody feels comfortable in our company, so we always have friends. People will want to help us, if we are in trouble. If we are trying to do something, and if we are known to have a kind heart, then people will have great joy in helping us.

So the paradox is this – we give up this neurotic pre-occupation with “Me”, “Poor me”, “My happiness”, “I need a relationship”, “I need this”, “I need that”. By abandoning this, we receive. And it is the very “I need”, “I want”, “I must have” that is pushing people away, pushing happiness away.

[End]

Anyway, you can get the eBook from here

On another note, I've been really busy recently =(. To a certain someone, thanks for being so understanding =P. Hehe.

I've been screwing things up recently, damn. Since the day I could actually say "Happy Birthday" to my mother, I've never once missed it. Yet, I missed it this year. It's today, and it totally slipped my mind. As in, totally. In the past, no matter how busy I was, I would always somehow manage to remember, and get her a small gift at the very least. This time round, I didn't remember, till she jokingly asked "Where's my present?" I even had the audacity to ask her, "What present?" Then I remembered, it's the 23rd of August, it's my mother's birthday. Even my sister wished her. I'm ungrateful, seriously.

Come to think of it, all I did on my father's birthday was to call and wish him.

Then there's my sister, who's currently staying at my father's place. I've never been a good brother to her, I guess. If I had tried a little harder, she might have turned out much better.

I don't know what else to say. Even if I did I don't feel like typing on. To my family, though they'll never read this, I'm sorry. I sort of hate being so busy with school now.

For An Idiot

Damn it, when did I become a gift?
So I'm the present, and we're the future? =P

I've no idea if it's "mooshy" or "marshy",
But I know for sure you're very mushy =X

And when I looked into your eyes on that every night
Everything around me suddenly felt so right

Sorry that I can't always accompany you
But hey, I'll never stop missing you

It was fun being funny and seeing you laugh
Wondering if I was being too crude or rough

If you love my laugh and smile
I don't mind going that extra mile

Every night before I go to sleep
I think of how you'll look asleep

And every time I suddenly sneeze
I know, it's because it's me you miss =P

So please don't worry about making me mad
I might have a temper, but it's not that bad

When you think back on that very day
Know that I'm missing you in every way

Damn it, it's really hard to rhyme
So I'm just going to try harder next time

- August 3, 2005

Luna Sea - I For You

Romanji:
neh hontou wa dalehmo
neh aisehnai to iwaleh teh
kowagali no kimi to deh ai
yatto sono imi ni kizuita

kizutsuku tameh ima futali
deh atta nala kanashi sugiluyo

kokolo kala kimi ni tsutaeh tai
kitto tada hontou no kimi no sugata o motomehteh

mada bukiyou ni walau neh
mada kanashimi ga niau kala

kimi to deh a-u tameh dakeh ni
sou umaleh tanala kaeh lalehlu kana...

kokolo kala kimi ni tsutaeh tai
kizutsuki sugita kehdo mada mani a-u yo
kokolo kala kimi o aishitehlu
kimi ni fulu itami o nugutteh ageh tai
subehteh I for You

kokolo kala kimi ni tsutaeh tai
kimi no ehgao itsumo mitsumeh lalehtala
kokolo kala kimi o aishitehlu
kimi ni fulu hikali o atsumeh teh agehtai
subehteh I for You

Translation:
You told me
That you couldn't love anybody
I finally realised what you meant
When I saw that you were afraid of everybody

How ironic is it
If us two met
only to get hurt?

With all my heart
I have to tell you this
All I want to see is the real YOU

You still don't smile very well
Because even now, you still wear sadness around you

If the only reason I was born
was so I could meet you,
do you think I'll be able to change everything?

With all my heart
I have to tell you this
We're hurt, but we've still got time
With all my love
I love you
I want to wipe away
All the pain that falls on you
I for You

With all my heart
I have to tell you this
If only you could smile at me like that
forever...
With all my love
I love you
I want to gather every piece of light
and give it all to you
I for You

Source: http://www.geocities.co.jp/MusicStar-Piano/1957/lyrics/

I don't know what to blog about. Damn it. Some people are able to blog everything they feel, or experience, but I think I can't. There're some things you just have problems putting into words.

Anyway, hope all of you are doing fine! =)

Edit:
Finally thought of something to write. I like wasting time. Doing nothing at all. Like, just lie on my bed, listening to some music. Usually I end up forgetting I'm actually listening to music. Like everything just disappears from your mind. That feeling's really nice. Like you're actually free. Free, unbounded to anything. Like you can just do everything you like without even giving a damn about anyone, or anything. Well, well. Then again, once you "wake up", everything comes flooding back into you, and you go like "WTF."

So yup. That's my entry. You know you can never be really free. Sad, but true. I think. At least I can't.

To My Dearest Sister

Recently I found out that my sister hasn't been attending school. Since school started 3 weeks ago, she's only present for 5 times. All these while, none of my parents, nor myself, suspected anything.

Then her teacher gave my mother a call, and my mother told me. My mother was patient and calm about it. She told me she'd wait for my sister to come home, then talk to her properly. I felt it wasn't fair if my father doesn't know about it, so I gave him a call. He got one of his close friends, who's quite close to my sister, to help. Somehow, my sister decided that not coming home would be the best thing to do. She'd probably say, "I want to be alone and think through things." or something similar.

When my mother was sick for nearly the whole of last week, where were you? Mother was sick, down with this virus that makes her really giddy, and she still worked hard for you. The last time we talked properly, you said I didn't care about you anymore. Do I not? I barely have time for myself, and I almost never see you at home. The only time you're at home is when both mother and I are at work and in school, respectively. The only time you're at home is when you're skipping your lessons. Kinda cool, right? Skipping lessons with your friends, and bringing all of them to OUR house. Dirtying OUR house. Those fucking friends of yours who would probably kill and steal for a living. I'd really like to meet them one day. By then, you'd probably be one of them as well.

You know what? Each time you decided to run away from home, mother couldn't sleep the whole night. Father calls me repeatedly. I ALMOST ALWAYS END UP QUARRELLING WITH BOTH OF THEM. In fact, I do. What the fuck do you know? You already know father and mother aren't on very good terms, yet for your own selfish reasons you ignore this fact. Has father ever called you to ask about me? Almost never. He always calls me to ask about you. You claim mother dotes on me more. What about the times she took you to Malaysia, leaving me alone at home? What about the times when we went out, and she asked you if you wanted anything, only to have you show her a black face? I believe both mother and father love us equally, just in different ways. But you, you like to compare. You complain about me having complete freedom, and whatnots. Hey, wake up. How old are you? Anyway, whatever freedom I've today, I earned it on my own. When I was your age I still got caning. What about you? When was the last time you got caned? I earned this freedom, get this in your head. I studied when needed, and did well. I called back to let them know I won't be coming home. I DON'T LOSE MY TEMPER AT THEM WHEN THEY ASK ME FOR A LITTLE HELP IN HOUSEKEEPING.

Yet all you do is whine. Whine, while mother worries about your safety, while father worries about your safety, while I, worry about mother's health, worry about father's health, worry about them arguing again, and worry about you. Worried that you might do something really stupid. Wake up.

It almost feels like you're playing all of us out, you know that? Mother locked her room, probably hoping that it would stop you from changing clothes and thus, going out, but what did you do? You brought someone home to spoil the door knob/lock. Your own home. Have you got no conscience? By the way, the box of Hawaiin Host chocolates wasn't for your fucking friends. It was for you, and for mother. I don't remember being rich enough to treat your friends without knowing it. 1/2 of the chocolates was gone when mother finally wanted to eat it.

You said you've dreams too. I still remember what your dreams are. But all you're doing now is destroying them with your own hands. Your friends, have they ever talked to you about anything else other than "love", or how much they hate your other friend? Are you that weak that you can't stand alone for yourself? That weak that you would mix with the wrong bunch of fuckers just for support? People who can't even control themselves, till the point where they can't help it but finger themselves at the back of the class during Chinese lesson, and then proudly tell you how pleasurable it is. Maybe I should put their names and school here the next time. You know what's right, or what's wrong. But you simply refuse to change. Why?

張信哲 - 從開始到現在

張信哲 - 從開始到現在

如果這是最後的結局
為何我還忘不了你
時間改變了我們告別了單純

如果重逢也無法繼續
失去才算是永恆
懲罰我的認真是我太過天真

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我不該愛的人

如果再見是為了再分
失去才算是永恆
一次新的記憶為何還要再生

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我不該愛的人

拿什麼作證
從未~ 想過愛一個人
需要那麼殘忍才證明愛的深

難道我就這樣過我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最愛的人
為你等從一開始盼到現在
也同樣落的不可能~

難道愛情可以轉交給別人
但命運注定留不住我愛的人
我不能我怎麼會願意承認
你是我愛錯了的人

Source: http://www.powersugoi.net/tingdong/song.php?song=70

For all those who don't understand the lyrics, click on the link above. There's an English translation there =).

I don't know what to write here. Damn. Full of thoughts, yet I'm at a complete loss for words.

Some people just want to use you.

Lyrics

The Used - Blue & Yellow
And it's all in how you mix the two,
And it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole,
through everyone that feels it.

Well your never gonna find it,
If your looking for it,
won't come your way,
Well you'll never find it,
if your looking for it.

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you.

And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again,
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
it burns a hole, through everyone that feels it

Well you're never gonna find it,
If your looking for it, won't come your way, yea
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it.

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste some time with you.

Time with you...
Waste some time with you...

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste my time with you.

Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste my time with you.

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

Waste some time with you... (repeats)

Saosin - Bury Your Head
Bury your head,
Bury your head,

I was feeling fine,
You’ll be coming clean tonight,
And I’ll be falling down with you once again,
Call me your valentine call me once tonight,
And I will have said it's okay,

The things you said, I’m rehearsing them,
(The things you said, The things you said)
The things you said, I’m rehearsing them,

They went back on us,
(Until his eyes rolled back couldn't step it up),
I could know when to come on to it,
It’s the thought that emerges,
(Take back couldn't step it up),
I could never love the ion change,

Bury your head, and the child smashed you down,
And the psalms will soon recall me again,
(Fall down below),
I’ll sleep tonight when you're okay,
And I haven't said it's okay,

The things you said, I’m rehearsing them,
The things you said, I’m rehearsing them,

They went back on us,
(Until his eyes rolled back couldn't step it up),
I could know when to come on to it,
It’s the thought that emerges,
(Take back couldn't step it up),
I could never love the ion change.

They have been the ones who’ve seen enough,
This is what you call love,

They stole my lies,
Sold right and all,
They wandered around and round my mouth,
They stole my lie,
Sold right and all,
(Stole it all, Stole it all),
They have been the ones who’ve seen enough,

They went back on us,
(Until his eyes rolled back couldn't step it up),
I could know when to come on to it,
It’s the thought that emerges,
(Take back couldn't step it up),
I could never love the ion change,

You'll be coming clean tonight...

Source: http://www.sing365.com/

Just Another Post

Hello all, I'm finally updating this blog. To be honest I've been wanting to update it, but just didn't exactly know what to write. I'm still not writing what I really want to write, just going to update this with some stuff that's been going on in my life.

Hmm, school's been pretty tiring, especially the last two weeks. SIP is already tiring enough, and I still have to participate/organize some events, and stuff. They're really fun though. Took part in SAF Day last Friday as an usher, and it was really relaxing, and rewarding! Haha =P. Regarding my SIP, I think I've to learn C#. Sigh. Anyway, Wee Quan is coming back tomorrow, so yay! He was away for 2 weeks due to reservist =(.

On another note, Joven, one of my best friends, will be going for National Service this Friday =(. Wish him luck!

Alright, I really don't know what to write. Good night and take care =).

Note: Alright I updated, idiot. =P

*Update*
Since I can't fall asleep either, I think I'll just try to write something. Anyway, what I'm going to write is just a general question/opinion, nothing too personal. How is someone supposed to move on, after breaking up? Most people will start keeping themselves busy, keeping themselves occupied with all the activities they can find. When you're busy doing something else, your mind stops thinking about the sad things. However, facts are facts. When you're alone and doing nothing, probably every night before you sleep, you'll still think of all these sad stuff. Ok, that's all. I really don't know what to write at all. GOOD NIGHT! =)

Look Away

Hey, you're still really sweet =). Thanks for your concern, I appreciate it =). Take care, and all the best in whatever you do!

Chicago - Look Away
When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found,
I’m said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.
Found someone else,
I guess I won’t be coming ’round.
I guess it’s over, baby;
It’s really over, baby, whoa...
And from what you said
I know you’ve gotten over me;
It’ll never be the way it used to be.
So if it’s gotta be this way,
Don’t worry, baby, I can take the news okay.

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

When we both agreed as lovers,
We were better off as friends,
That’s how it had to be,
Yeah, that’s how it had to be.
I tell you I’m fine
But sometimes I just pretend;
Wish you were holding me,
Wish you were still holding me, whoa...
I just never thought,
That I would be replaced so soon;
I wasn’t prepared to hear those words from you.
I know I wanted to be free;
Yeah, baby, this is how we wanted it to be.

But if you see me waling by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

[repeat chorus 2x]

When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found.
I said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.
Source: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/

Standard.

Alright, the results of the ESC Election is out. Wei Jian will be the new ESC President, while Janice will be the new Vice-President. Myself, I came in 5th position for the most number of votes, so I won't know my position till the meeting with the rest of the new ESC Committee. Anyway, congratulations to everyone who got in, and special thanks to all those that voted for me. Jeremy got in as well! =)

On another note, some people are already playing games. Sigh. It's quite sad, especially when you really thought of them as friends. They try psyching you into taking other positions, so they can have the positions they want, and whatnots. I wouldn't mind taking any position to be honest, provided everyone is actually selfless. However, this isn't a perfect world. People fight for power, not because they know they're capable enough to serve the school, but for their own stupid reasons. It's quite sad to see all these when we, the new committee, have not even officially stepped up. Anyway, other than a select few, I think it would be fun working with everyone!

Recently, I started talking to people that I haven't been talking to for ages (MSN Messenger, SMS). It's fun in a way, but then again, I realise I'm just a form of entertainment to some of them. Well, well. There're the really interesting ones that want to know what you look like before continuing a conversation. It's a sin to be ugly, it seems. This world is just so fucking superficial. If these people could take a look at themselves, they'll probably see they're rotten inside. Anyway, it might seem like I'm whining, but hey, whatever makes you happy.

I'm not trying to sound all angelic and shit, I won't deny I do care about how a girl looks like. But that wouldn't stop me from being friends with anyone, pretty, ugly, or pretty ugly. However, I won't want a friend who's ugly inside, no matter how pretty she is. It spoils my mood completely.

Anyway, was blog-surfing just now to kill some. Saw one of my friend's friend's blog, and it seems that she just broke up. Anyway, it's pretty sad to see someone giving up all hope on love, and shit just because someone broke his/her heart. So yeah... =(. Personally, I always ask myself, "What if it wasn't love to begin with?" Then again, it might be self-consoling, but it gives me hope, so who cares? Of course, I do miss the sweet times, and still dream of her every now and then, and still feel that it was love. Lol... That doesn't mean I can't hope, right? Maybe love is something I haven't experienced yet. Fuck, I'm a self-consoling fool. All I'm *really* trying to say is, have some hope, love does exist. Among friends and family. Surely love between two people has to exist too, right? Otherwise most of us wouldn't be here. If our parents didn't fall in love and made love, you wouldn't even be here. I said MOST, of course there're the minority, but I'm not going to elaborate. Sorry =).

I love listening to sad, depressing love songs when I'm sad. To some, it makes them feel worse. To me, it gives me this sense of enlightenment. No idea why, but it helps me accept things more. So here's a song for all the heartbroken ones out there:

Nine Days - Wanna Be
To watch the leaves grow on the trees with you
Is out of question
I walk into this summer all alone
The usual session
You feel your instinct then you act
But was it your intention?
To leave me down and broken
Now you've ended our ascension

I still can feel the beach sand in my shoes
Remember when?
We talked along the ocean's song
'Til blue from black fade in
But that was then I learned to live
Without you far within
I ask you why you're back to try
To let me lose again

You brought me here
You wet my taste
You disappear
Without a trace
It wasn't me who made the call

'Cause now I wanna be
Where you sleep
Where you laugh
Where you breathe
And I hate to say
Still I swear
Brown your eyes
Gone away

Should I feel some closure
I deserve if that at least
And would you be so kind to show
Reasons for your release
You woke me up from a distant past
I left behind complete
The message that you sent that night
Now falls to bittersweet

Or was it me?
My honesty
You fail to show
I never know
It wasn't me who made the call

'Cause now I wanna be
Where you sleep
Where you laugh
Where you breathe
And I hate to say
Still I swear
Brown your eyes
Gone away

Was it me?
My honesty
You fail to show
I never know
You brought me here
You wet my taste
You disappear
Without a trace
Did you think I'd ever lead you wrong?
Just know I'll save all of our moments
That we are

And still I wanna be
Where you sleep
Where you laugh
Where you breathe
And I hate to say
Still I swear
Brown your eyes
Gone away

Now I wanna be
Someday you'll wish you never
Where you sleep
Someday you'll wish you never
Where you laugh
Someday you'll wish you never
Where you breathe
Someday you'll wish you never
And I hate to say
Someday you'll wish you never
Still I swear
Someday you'll wish you never
Brown your eyes
Someday you'll wish you never
Gone away
Someday you'll wish you never
You took it all the way (and)
You took it all away
Source: http://www.sing365.com/

CHEER UP! Don't attitude LA!

Site Update: Hope you all like the new song. Thanks to Geri for the song! She sent it to me quite some time ago though =P.

Re.

Imagine watching someone precious to you becoming less and less of the person you knew with each passing day. You're just an observer, someone who probably understands the most, but has the least power. You can try to bring the old her back, but you'd probably die trying. Or maybe, you already know, whatever you do, the old her's never coming back. You can't do anything, can you? All you can do is watch and ache. Watch her change as your heart aches. Tell me, what would you do?

No, I'm not even saying that you love her. Maybe you loved her. Even then, she was, and will probably be someone precious to you for the rest of your life. What would you do? Move on with life, and act like this person never existed? Or keep holding on, hoping that someday the old her will return, maybe not as a lover, but at least as a friend. At least, as someone you can recognize. What would you do?

Add that to the fact that you're currently facing more problems than the average person at your age should face, what would you do? You hate whining, and the truth is, you do feel lucky compared to others around you. Yet, these problems affect you so much they tear your sould apart. So what if you're good results, or good whatever? Who's there to share the joy? Who's there to share the pain? You were never the type who could ignore the problems. You just keep challenging them, until they're all solved. Yet, every once in a while, something without a solution comes up. So, what would you do?

You probably want to find someone to blame, yet the only person you can think of happens to be someone who was, and still is, very precious to you. Even then, you feel like a product of all the games played by everyone around you. A product without a will. A product of this society. What would you do? You'd probably still hug her when you see her. No, not probably. You know you'll still hug her, and just wish that time stops. Yet, you also know that some things once gone, will never return again. As much as people always say nothing's impossible, you know it yourself, that some things are really impossible.

As though that's not bad enough, you come across things that completely shatter your beliefs. Even some of your friends turn out to be completely different from what you thought they were.

Why did things turn out this way, when all you ever wished for was for a little happiness, together with all the precious ones around you?

Shameless Plug

Update, Finally.

I've been trying to blog for the past few days, but each time after I type a paragraph, I've no idea what to write next. So I always end up signing out, without actually posting anything. There's just so much on my mind, yet so little of them can actually be phrased into proper sentences by me.

A lot of things have happened recently, not just to me, but around me. First of all, a friend's mother passed away recently. Let's all pray for a moment for their family. I don't know what else to say, but to my friend, we're all here if you need anything.

From that incident, I've come to realise how fragile a human life really is. You know, we constantly whine about our problems. What problems? What is "hate" compared to the feeling of losing someone you love? No girlfriend? No boyfriend? Get a life, move on. I'm ashamed of my constant complaining as well. To my friend, you're really strong, and I respect that.

Other than that, SIP has already started for me like a week ago. It's been quite fun, working with Wee Quan and Willie. Both of them are really dependable. We've been doing a lot of research, and it's honestly very fun working with them. Willie and I have managed to come up with a couple of applications that are important to our project, while Wee Quan is constantly working hard, trying to grasp and understand VB.NET. The other group working with us is working hard as well. Yay!

However, where there's good, there's bad. Sadly, I'm stuck in the lab with people who I'd rather have nothing to do with. The same people who caused others to take sides, and whatnots. Cool. One of them seems to have an eye problem. He constantly stares at us. Not us, as in my group. But us, as in nearly everyone he doesn't know. I think he's trying hard to remember our faces. Another one constantly acts like he doesn't give a damn about you, but while I was explaining code the other day he tried listening. Also, he loves staring too. However, similar poles repel. Whenever I look back at them they turn away. I don't stare, to begin with. I simply make eye contact and try to smile, but by the time my mouth starts curling their heads start bowing! Damn. They're really sensitive too. Like the other day Jeremy opened the door for me and I was talking to him, and somehow I got accused of scolding one of them. Lol. Talk about self-conscious. He went on to tell Andrew not to talk to me. Hey boy, how about I give you a sweet and you be my friend? Anyway, as though that wasn't enough, Mr. Eye Problem decided to pass some rather sarcastic comments towards one of my group mates! In spite of the fact that my group mate helped him install Visual Studio .NET 2003. Yeah, we play games 24/7, according to him. Well, it's better than behaving like a boot-licker 24/7 anyway, so, whatever makes him happy! Anyway I'll probably talk to them soon, although they'll definitely back out on their words again.

But I'm thankful, I'm not one of you. To someone who might or might not be a friend, get a backbone.

Anyway, enough about my SIP so far. It's 98% fun, 1% tiring, and 1% irritating. That 1% irritating would be gone soon. I'm learning how to ignore people who aren't needed.

You know, to me, you're either a friend, or you're not. There's no in between. However, to some people, they categorize friends. "Useful friends.", "Useless junk.", etc. To them, a friend is USEFUL, not helpful. Haha.

Last but not least, I received good news today! I got into the Director's List again =). Hehe. My mother and father were both very happy when they heard it ^_^. Also, someone whose name I shan't mentioned was very happy for me too =). Also, Raj told me some good news regarding Nicholas. HEHE ^_^.

Alright, see all of you again sometime soon!

U2 - With Or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you

Source: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/

I think I've lost the ability to blog recently. Bye.

Backstreet Boys - Incomplete

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

Source: http://www.sing365.com/