20070803

Update, Finally.

Been a while since I updated. Have been really busy with many things recently, and barely even have time to spend with my friends, family, or Geri. I don't really feel good about this, and it's been a while since I've had any doubts on what I'm doing. Right now I'm wondering if it's worth it to dedicate so much time to what I believe in at the cost of my loved ones, because at the end of it all I might not be able to get the results I want. Some of you might not have any idea what I'm talking about, but some of you do.

Having to take care and be responsible for so many people is not easy. It's something really challenging for me, in spite of being involved in so many activities back in Poly. It's fulfilling when someone comes up to thank you personally, yet disheartening when your men simply don't seem to care. It's painful when you've to deal out punishments, and it's nice to see them smile when you reward them. At the end of the day, I just pray and hope that I've made a positive difference in their lives. I believe in doing things to the best of my ability, either that, or I won't bother doing it at all. I hate 1/2 fuck standards. I'm a perfectionist, although I try my best not to impose that onto others. But many a times this trait of mine has caused me to unknowingly neglect the feelings of others, yet I still keep making the same old mistakes.

Thankfully I'm having off these few days, and although it isn't much of an off for me as I'm still trying to settle some things, nothing beats resting at home right now. I'm so caught up in my stuff that I've forgotten about the things that really matter. Now's the best time to recharge myself, catch up with my dearest ones and ONE =), before returning to work (NS), and giving all I have =). Hopefully.

I didn't even get a chance to be physically there for her on our 2nd year anniversary =(. Sorry dear =(.

Anyway, to Geri, thank you for the wonderful gifts =). I love you! ^^ I'm really happy to see you today after so long! =)

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