20041221

...

To the parents of the kid who got one of my friends into trouble for no apparent reason, fuck you. Bringing up your child this way will surely result in a bastard in future. Hehe. I can't wait and see what happens next. USE YOUR FUCKING BRAINS. May the law be fair for once.

20041220

Forget It

Removed.

20041219

Reflections

This is going to be about my polytechnic life so far, since 1.1.

1.1
The first person I got to know was Fahmi. I thought we got along well since both of us were rather inclined in computer stuff. However, during the INETCF project, I realised how proud and egoistic he is, and thus, we ended up submitting 2 totally different sites, although we're supposedly in the same group. Even worse, I could've sworn his is a template from some of the sites, yet he insists on doing it himself. He always boasts about his Flash and Dreamweaver, but I seriously think he sucks. Selfish too. Doesn't even bother helping his own friend, Khalid, when his CD couldn't work. Accused Gregory of copying his work too. Highly anti-social. Private studies would suit him better. The second person I got to know was Maclean, and till today we're good friends. I've the utmost respect for him, after what he's been through. Unfortunately, most fuckers only see his vulgar self. He's one of the few friends whom you can count on, that's for sure. I can't remember who was next, but from there came Timothy, Alex, Alvinder, Gregory, and the rest. Anyway, all was well initially, but Timothy and Alvinder had to start doubting Maclean, and started spreading rumors about Maclean lying about his past and shit. For a long time, I kept everything from Maclean, trying to knock some sense into Alvinder and Timothy. But they went too far. Even told their friends like Ismail and Mogan and who knows what else. Even came up with some FUCKED UP plan trying to "expose" Maclean. Hypocrites, and you didn't even have the guts to admit anything =). Anyway, the semester didn't end very well, with Timothy and Alvinder on one side with some others, and me and the rest on the other side. I think nothing else significant happened.

1.2
My 1.2 class was filled with PRCs and some really irritating fucked-ups. Thankfully, my old buddy, Kelvin, was with me. We also made friends with a girl called Evelyn, some hip-hop fanatic. Lol. 1.2 was rather boring. But things went well. Met up with Maclean and the rest from time to time, sometimes with Timothy and Alvinder, aka hypocrite gang tagging along. I guess that's about it.

2.1
As luck would have it, I ended up in a class with Gregory, Maclean, Tiong Guan, Jian Feng, Willie, and a few more of my 1.1 classmates. And Alvinder! And he's in my group. And he did nothing. Anyway, I talked to him about the past, told him to apologise to Maclean and stuff but nothing happened I guess. I think I talked to him in 1.2 in fact, not 2.1. Anyway, it was the most stressful semester I've ever had. Largely due to my group mates doing nothing, and giving me half-assed work. Other than Maclean, none of them really tried. Alvinder didn't even DO. Amazing. Thankfully I cleared the papers, together with everyone else. But Maclean had to fail Math =(, and someone whom I shall not name had to insult him recently. Someone we all treated as a friend.

2.2
I'll write about it when it ends.

That's all. Have fun folks. I usually blog without people's names in it, but I'm getting tired of using him, her, etc. Using the name is so much easier.

Anyway, about some of my friends, I know very well I'm just a tool to you. I'm just keeping quiet, because as you use me to help you pass your exams, I learn a lot more stuff than you. Knowledge is power =). Just don't go too far.

20041214

-

What do you know? What do you understand? Why do you not bother? You only judge everything superficially... Respect a little, at the very least.

20041210

Sweetness...

Hi people, She left for New Zealand already... And she did something really sweet for me. Basically, since she'll be gone for 16 days... She wrote 16 short letters, and gave me 16 gifts. I'm suppose to open one up each day, according to the respective date... Really sweet =). Thanks a lot! I don't know what else to say... Just hope you'll have a really safe and enjoyable trip =)!

Here's a picture of the sunflower, which is the gift for today. It's real. Really nice ^_^.

Click for the full-sized picture =).

Have a good day!

20041208

...

We worked and fought for it, only for others to take the credit and lead us. Great. People involved should know what I'm talking about. Screw those who didn't bother to help.

A demon doesn't belong in this world of humans... I guess I just got to accept that. When people look at him, they only see the anger, they only see the demon. Even his girlfriend was like that. But he's only being realistic, in order to protect and make his dreams come true. His girlfriend was scared of him losing himself to power, and just today, another person said something similar. No one sees past those eyes into the burning pain inside him. The feeling of wanting to be stopped. Does he have a choice? If he fails, his future's gone. He likes pain, because pain makes him learn more. He believes anything that doesn't kill him will only make him stronger. But even with all these anger and hatred, he's always tried to make those people important to him happy. Obviously, he failed. You can't possibly make someone happy when all that's inside you is pain. He failed, time and again. It almost feels like it's his destiny to be alone, to destroy all that's in his path. He seeks power. Absolute power. It needs no definition. Day by day he questions his conscience, his humanity. One day, he'll probably lose faith completely in humanity. He could've been saved, if only someone bothered to understand, if only someone bothered to listen... Someone did, but he didn't notice, until that someone stopped listening. Now there's no one listening. Wait, there's someone. He appreciates it. However, some things have a beginning, but no end. He'll just keep losing more and more of himself, till he achieves his goal. Then he'll feel empty. But at least, he lived his life the way he chose to. Is it his fault? Or is it this society's? When all he ever wanted, was a little understanding. When all he ever wanted was someone who could understand why he seeks power so much. Unfortunately, no one shares his dreams. No one... Darkness is nothing when you compare it to the loneliness he feels. Even when there's someone, he won't be able to see him or her anymore. He's already blinded by his goal. His goal which will surely result in nothing but pain. The final result would be emptiness itself.

Life So Far...

Sorry I haven't been blogging recently. Lots of things are happening in my life, some good, some bad. Alright. Let's start with yesterday first. School started. Hmm... So I guess I can finally start eating and sleeping properly, and start working out again. I seem to do nothing but sleep and waste my time away during holidays. I don't even eat right, thus I avoid working out. So I guess it's all good. My teacher for yesterday's lesson seems good. He let us off within 40 minutes, although it was a 3 hour lesson. Lol. So basically I went to school for 40 minutes. Today's lesson was alright too I guess. Was late for the first lesson, and got some sarcastic remarks from the teacher. He's rather cocky too. But I think he might be able to teach well. The two lectures that followed were accompanied by two boring lecturers. They suck.

Lots of club activities coming up, and the sad thing is some people aren't doing what they should be doing... Sigh. Just hope everyone plays their part and help the club gain more recognition within the school. If your commitment isn't there, just quit or walk away. We can still be friends. Don't drag the club down due to your own selfish reasons.

Sometimes in life we give our all, thinking everything's fine as long as others are happy. But my dear friends, things don't work this way in real life, no matter how you look at it. No one's going to think, "Hey, you're a really nice person, giving it all up for the sake of others." Alright, some people will, but the majority won't. And then you feel left out, you feel unappreciated, you feel useless. And worst of all, you feel worthless. But do you know that every single time you feel down, you're bringing those who actually care for you down too. These people want you to be happy. You don't need to sacrifice yourself, you're only a human. Seek your own happiness, do what you really want to do. No matter how hard you try you'll never be able to make everyone happy. When it finally happens, or... IF it even happens, the one's that's going to be sad is you. The one that's shouldering all the shit is you. What for? And those people you helped don't even care. And those who do care... Won't be happy. So... Live your life... And see for yourself, who's really worth your time. Don't waste your time on people who are simply wasting our Earth's resources. Spend your time with the special friends and family, and the special one. Time is like money. You should spend it wisely, not waste it away. The difference is, you can earn money... But you can NEVER regain the time you've lost. This particular paragraph is specially dedicated to Maclean, Nicholas, and my ex-girlfriend. And to Nicholas, this quote, which I got from Smallville (LOL), is for you.
"A High School Boyfriend Isn't Her Husband, It's An Obstacle." - Lex Luthor
So yeah. You get what I mean.

Ok, anyway that's it. More onto my personal life... I've been in contact with my ex-girlfriend, and we're getting along rather well now. So I'm happy, but at the same time I've my doubts. It's not so much of her, but more of me. So yeah... I've talked to her about them already. She's going to leave for New Zealand with her family for a trip this Friday, and won't be back till the 27th. Please pray that she returns safe and sound, together with her family =). Enjoy your trip!

I guess that's all for now... I feel at peace. At least for now... Take care people =).

Edit: I read The New Paper just before I was about to sleep. Just want to comment on some stuff about my fellow countrymen. It's good to participate in stuff like Singapore Idol, support the participants, and most importantly, give people who actually have talent a chance to make Singapore proud. The sad thing is, some people vote so much, and each vote costs $0.50, but they don't DONATE a single cent to charity. How helpful. Secondly, those crazed fans of Sylvester complained that the results weren't fair, because the voting figures weren't shown. Now it's released, and Taufik won by an overwhelming percentage, and the very same people are saying "I don't believe it." and shit like that. I respect both of them for even having the guts to perform on stage, but it's obvious who has more TALENT. If this was a show about looks, it would have been a modelling show, and not one to showcase singing talent. If this was a show about how cute someone's grin is, what's the point of singing? I personally know a large number of people who voted for Sylvester cause they found him cute. I won't be surprised if they didn't even watch his performance. Wake up. Of course, there're those who preferred Sylvester's to Taufik's voice and everything, so yeah, one man's meat is another man's poison. It's over already, just get over it and stop complaining. Another thing, spend some time to donate some of your money to charity. They'd appreciate it a lot.