20060226

Johari Window

Mine:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=YC86

Darling:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Geri87

Please do them if you know either me or her! ^_^ Thanks!

Holidays

So here's my plan for the holidays...

Now Till 13 March
- Slack and relax.
- Spend all the time I can with Darling!
- Finalize all the MTC and FOC planning by then.
- Tidy up ESC club room.
- Hope that I get good results.
- Have fun with my friends!

13 March Till NS (No Idea When)
- Work at Acer (Hopefully).
- Spend all the time I can with Darling!
- Dedicate some time to FOC and MTC.
- Check out which universities I can apply for.
- Hope I get some scholarship somehow.
- Have fun with my friends!

Basically that's it. I think =).

Soul Meets Body

I've changed the song in this blog to Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie. It's a nice song, and the lyrics are as follows:

Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me,
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel... feel what it's like to be new.

'Cause in my head
There's a Greyhound station
Where I set my thoughts
To far-off destinations
So they may have a chance
Of finding a place where they're
Far more suited than here.

I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt
With our palms cupped like shovels,
But I know our filthy hands
Can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain.

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes, I'll hold you near,
'Cause you're thee only song I want to hear.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

Where soul meets body.
Where soul meets body.
Where soul meets body.

And I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes, I'll hold you near,
'Cause you're thee only song I want to hear.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
Source: SongMeanings

20060225

Random Thoughts

What's with the teenagers nowadays acting all matured and shit? They can't wait to grow up? Why? So they can start fucking, clubbing, smoking and drinking? Get a fucking life. Get real.

I've been blog-surfing the past few days, reading mostly the people who I know (and that's why I'm so affected). Get a life. Really.

First of all, is someone related directly to me by that which is thicker than water. You judge friends on whether they were there with you or not? That is so cool. Naturally, when you break up with someone, ANYONE can be at your side and tell you, "Cheer up." Maybe even lend you a shoulder to cry on. Yet, if they were really friends, will they encourage you to smoke, drink, run away from home? SORRY TO SAY THIS, but they probably happened to be there, because just like you are, they have no life. Hanging out at coffeeshops, spurting vulgarities faster than they can actually enunciate the fucking word properly, that is cool. Even cooler is the fact you went back to them because you needed them. In other words, they're just tools to you. I'm seriously sad with how things are turning out. Let me tell you this, MUM WENT TO BANGKOK ON TUESDAY, DID YOU EVEN KNOW? The money on your table, and everything else, was there because Mum asked me to. But you don't give a shit. You come home, take the money, bathe, make-up, and go out. I don't want to count the number of times I've had to quarrel with basically everyone because of you. Time and again I tell myself it's ok. It's ok. She'll turn better. It's ok. Thank you for being so selfish, and for only caring about your own happiness.

Next, I'll talk about some stuff in relation to relationships, and this concerns the person who is related to me by blood as well. How old are you? 15? 16? 20? Time to get married? THE ONE? BROKEN PROMISES? Because you broke yours I'm going to break mine? YAY I WIN. IT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE UP WITH ME THAT'S WHY I AM A CHAO AH LIAN NOW? IT'S BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME NOW I'M A PLAYBOY? FUCK ALL OF YOU. Don't blame your fucking weaknesses on someone else. You're pathetic. If you fucking want to get into a relationship, don't whine when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. YOU GOT PLAYED OUT? MENTALLY? PHYSICALLY? YES I GET IT. MOVE ON. There's no need to whine and degrade yourself any further. Or is it "Since I had sex with my first boyfriend, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll be a slut now."? PIECES OF SHIT. Fucking move on. At this age, all that matters is whether you're HAPPY with the person or not. Why bother about stuff like "Will you marry me?", "Are you the one?" and so on? Wake the fuck up, especially the ah lians wanting to act like a good girlfriend, and the ah bengs trying to be macho men. If you behave like a fucking slut, wearing miniskirts so short it barely covers your fucking panties, or if you behave like some fucked up no-lifer smoking and acting tough with that 40kg, 1.6m frame of yours, don't bother getting into any relationship. Even if you do, it'll be with someone as low-class as yourself. I THINK, and YOU KNOW, the most important thing is to do something about YOURSELF.

You owe it to yourself for being with whoever you want to be with. So don't fucking blame it on anyone else but yourself. It has nothing to do with your parents, nothing to do with your friends, and NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FUTURE partners. Compare, compare and compare. "I'm sorry I've to leave you because I not good enough for you." Yeah, seriously, if you want to break up just say it. If you really feel you're not good enough fucking go and improve yourself. I'm sick and tired of all the people around me getting troubled, either directly or indirectly, by people who simply have no direction in life. As you can see, I'm troubled as well, by my very own sister.

And some of you are probably thinking, "Aiyah this guy sore loser, ugly and no girlfriend that's why complain." I don't give a shit. I don't know if I'm ugly or not in your eyes, but I've a very nice and sweet girlfriend, and really good friends by my side. And I'm thankful for that.

To those no-lifers aka "chiobu ah lians" and "yandao ah bengs", I think your life is better spent in the coffin. Either that, or do something about it. There are so many people in Africa who would want to have the pleasures you all have. Stop wallowing in your self-pity. And to my own blood, please wake up from your dream. It's giving all of us nightmares. I still miss the sister who was scared of being alone at home.

Anyway, check out this post. I like it =).

20060224

Examinations Are Over... Is TP Life Over As Well?

EXAMINATIONS ARE FINALLY OVER! Since Year 2 I've barely rested. Everyday's about rushing this and that. If there's no projects, there'll be club stuff. If there's no club stuff, there'll be term tests. If there's no term tests, there'll be examinations! Well, you get it.

For now, I just hope I'll do well for all three papers =). Wish me, and my friends, good luck, ok?

TP life isn't yet over for me though, although I will surely miss those times. I still have one event left to run, and I've to return to ITCU to help out from time to time. It won't be the same anymore though. It's going to be sad. I've to close the chapter and move on. No more talking shit in CENT room, or looking at (school) girls together. I'm sad =(.

Anyway, I was thinking of how much my TP life could have been better, and I'm proud to say, it couldn't have been THAT much better. Looking back at when I first entered TP, I feel like a different person. Better in many ways, but at the same time, worse in some ways. I never expected school life to have such an impact. Sad to say, I'm not looking forward to university life at all. That's a little too far though, I still have to serve my country =).

Why am I not looking forward to university life? I'm not really sure, but maybe because I'm scared that it'll never compare to my TP life. Sigh. Even if it does it wouldn't be the same people =(. Some people go to school because they've no choice, they just need a Diploma to find work. Some go without knowing what they want, some go for very weird reasons, like choosing a course based on the girls, etc. I don't know about my friends' reasons, but I know for a fact we've been through thick and thin together, and this itself makes it hard for me to accept we're graduating soon. I never felt this way back in secondary school, probably because I didn't really enjoy it. But this feeling right now, it's really something special =).

Anyway, I think my TP life would've been a little better if the stuff that happened in Year 2 never happened. Then we would still all be good friends now. Having fun, etc. Well =(.

20060221

Having A Break

I'll continue "The Past 3 Years" posts another day, probably sometime after my examinations. Talking about examinations, 2/3 papers are over. Left with the last one. Wish me good luck =)!

I seldom listen to radio, so I'm not really up to date with the latest songs from whatever the hottest genre is suppose to be right now. Anyway, I happened to listen to Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You the other day, during Valentine's Day (while I was at Suntec with her ^_^). Well, someone made a dedication, so I actually sat through and listened, and it didn't sound like a love song at all. True enough, it's a song about her family breaking up, about her teenage years, about all the shit she went through. Off topic for a moment, please take some time to understand the lyrics before dedicating a song in future... Lol ^_^.

The thing is I can really relate a lot to this song. As some of you know, or not know, my parents divorced when I was in Secondary 3. It wasn't easy, and till today it's not. I don't mind talking about it though, and in fact joke about it at times, because I don't see a point in being sad over it all the time. My sadness probably can't compare to theirs. I love them both very much, honestly. Yet, sometimes the things they do just makes you wonder what you are to them. I probably have one of the best mothers in the world, and I'm really glad =).

Why am I writing this suddenly? I don't know, probably because of my sister and the stupid song ^^. You see, my sister hasn't returned home to sleep for the past week or so, again. I'm tired, really. She writes on her blog that my dad bothers her, that she's afraid of him. Please, to my sister, you don't even know what you have. You even have the cheek to say "No wonder mother left you." You, barely 16 years of age, trying to judge your own parents divorce. You said "Let mother off, don't bother her." Are you trying to run away? Or are you trying to protect mum? You don't even know where she is now. You claim we take away your happiness? FUCKING SHIT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING THAT'S HAPPENING. You feel unwanted? Want to compare? Mum and dad works so hard for your sake, yet you say this kind of things. You come home daily to take a bath, and then go out again. Mum washes all the clothes for you. I've to do the dishes sometimes. Hotel? Don't talk so nice and sweet on your blog. You only portray that side to your friends, never to us. I asked you if you were coming back, you said later. Then you told me to stop asking. Fine =). If you can't agree on my point of view, it's ok. If you hate me, it's ok. The basic respect ANY HUMAN should have is to respect your parents, and respect yourself. You don't have any of that.

If you really hate it when people call just to ask how you are, I suppose your wish is granted. Many a times I've NOT wanted to call you, but because I was worried I had to call. And this is how you respond. You know what? Do what you like. You claim you're tired? Yeah, I suppose so, for constantly staying out late, drinking, and god knows what. For constantly wasting your time on finding guys that promise you "forever", only to break up eventually, and you simply whine to your almighty friends, who are ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE. Why don't you ask yourself what you're doing?

I'm tired of many things, but unlike you, I don't push the blame to anyone. I've never felt this disappointed in anyone before, and I think you already know that. Whereas other families are able to be together happily, I'm stuck in the center whenever any conflict takes place. And you, don't help in any way, because you always feel you're the victim. I'll tell you, all of us are victims, and all of us are at fault as well.

Another thing, I think Singapore's media/journalism/whatever you call it, really sucks. Downright sucky =).

20060215

The Past 3 Years... (Part III)

I'm back! Had a really great Valentine's Day with G! She's so damn sweet! *hugs*

Anyway, back to topic, 2.2 was a tough year. Thankfully, with a little luck here and there, I managed to clear it successfully. I forgot to mention a rather significant, those embarrassing moment in Year 2. I can't remember if it was 2.1 or 2.2, but I actually went to ask for a girl's number. The stupid thing was, I was practically trembling. LOL. I'll never forget her saying, "Don't worry, I won't eat you up." The point is, after that incident, I told myself to seriously just be myself. I normally wouldn't screw this kind of things up. Yet because she's a girl I was interested in, I screwed it up. It became pretty weird talking to her on the phone (Well, I succeeded in getting her number anyway). Eventually we just stopped talking, and till today I feel stupid whenever I think about it. To all the boys and men out there, when you ask for a girl's number, just be honest. Just say you find her attractive. Don't give stupid reasons like, "I want to make friends." You think the girls are stupid? Of course, always try to strike up a conversation before getting the number. But don't use stupid pick-up lines =P. Well, even though I screwed up, I was honest, so it was still a success! Okay, enough laming =).

Year 2.2 was also the period in which my sister started changing for the worse, drastically. Till today it's still happening, and every single day I hope and pray that she'll realize her mistakes. It's sad, really. I've never felt more sad since the day my parents divorced. Blood is thicker than water after all... So, to my dear sister, if you happen to read this, please, wake up.

Anyway, all these while, G was always there! She's always talking and joking with me, cheering me up and whatever, and it's really sweet. I'm trying to fit her into my posts as much as possible, but I think I'll end up writing about her instead. So dear dear, I'll write something for/about you in future. I'll dedicate an entire post to you =P! Don't be jealous ok =P?

I guess that's all for today. I'll write about about Year 2, and start on Year 3 in my next post. GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE IN TP WHO WILL BE HAVING THEIR EXAMINATIONS NEXT WEEK =)!

P.S.: To everyone who's been reading from Part I, sorry about the disorganization. It's been a really long time since I wrote something this long =(. Nevertheless, I hope you'll have an enjoyable time reading about what happened during my school life in TP.

20060214

The Past 3 Years... (Part II)

So I was saying, my team mates were very lazy. Nevertheless, most of them are my good friends, so it was still fun working with them =). The projects were really tough, seriously. Thank goodness I like programming a lot, so it was more or less an enjoyable, though tough, journey. The toughest part was actually trying to get E off my mind as I work on my projects. Anyway, since I'm a natural genius, I managed to complete my projects and did pretty well for all of them =P. 2.1 was an especially important year because I got to know a bunch of people from the other class, P02. Oh ya, I was in P01 for most of my lessons, if not all. Anyway, I'm still pretty close with most of these people today. The sad thing is, a lot of stuff happened in Year 2 =(. Till today, I feel that what happened was largely stupid and unjustified, and it seems to have split the entire cohort into multiple groups. I wouldn't mind if it was the people involved that aren't close anymore, but people who aren't involved are poking their noses into everything and taking sides, causing the cohort to split up even more. When I first got to know these people, I didn't hold any positions, but when the problems started, I was the Vice-President of CENT Club (my course's club). So it was pretty sad when you see your own course fall apart and you can't do shit about it. Oh ya, Jia Hua and Chris were the ex-Main Committee before my batch took over. Another important point to note was I became the VP at a much later stage than the rest became the President, Secretary and stuff. It seems my name was left out =(. Unwanted.

I can't remember the exact timeframe during which all those stupid friendship stuff happened, but I remember blogging about them. Sad to say, till today, we aren't close anymore. Perhaps the bad blood is gone, but the wound doesn't seem to close for some of them/us. Well well. Anyway, I went on to run the Open House 2005, and it was one great event! Together with Jeremy, Maclean, and Gregory, the event went really smooth, considering it was our first time. Nevertheless, there are always people trying to bring you down and shit behind your back. EVEN TILL NOW! The sad thing is some of them are pretty well-known people as well, such as holding the positions of Presidents and whatnots in other clubs. Bah. Even weirder is the fact that I don't recall them helping out at all. As an ex-President, I think it's bad to talk shit about other clubs. If you have something against him/her, bring it up and settle it nicely.

Due to certain circumstances, my President eventually stepped down, and I had to take over. Thankfully, Jeremy took over as the Vice-President, and together with Maclean, Raj, Gregory, and the rest, we managed to more or less do well as a club. We eventually stepped down of course. Anyway, I'm not going to elaborate of each and every event we've done, but I love CENT Club! I mean OUR CENT Club, the one with Maclean and the rest! It has to be one of the most memorable memories (WTF) in TP for me. It was great. Jia Hua and Chris were also really good seniors, and we had good advisors as well =). So that more or less sums up Year 2.1 for me. It was a semester full of ups and downs. If that wasn't a rollercoaster ride, I don't know what is. Everytime I write about Year 2 I seem to flare up a little =(.

Back to personal life, I can't remember when it was (2.1 or 2.2), but E got back in touch with me. She said she really missed me, and wanted to work things out. Being the weakling that I am, I agreed and we tried working things out. She was really sweet when she went overseas, as she actually prepared a present for each day she's away. and I was supposed to open them daily. Nevertheless, things didn't work out, so yup. It's not a bad thing actually, otherwise I would never be with the sweetie I'm with now =). Let's call this sweetie G =P. I got to know her through Roy, so I guess I've to thank him for that. BUT, to be fair to myself, the rest was entirely my actions =P. Anyway, G has been really sweet all these while, from the day I know her till now. I don't know why I'm wondering off topic now, but it's Valentine's Day now, so HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY dear dear =)! I'll continue on how I got together with her later on =P.

Year 2.2 soon started, and some of my friends got posted to different classes, so the project groupings were different for certain subjects. Again, it was one hell of a semester. DSA and EWA were killer subjects. Both had weird lecturers! Weird in a good way actually, they are both very nice lecturers to talk to and joke with, but when it comes to school work, they're scary! Thanks to them though, I really learnt a lot more about programming. 2.2 was a really busy year as well. Events and projects were all thrown together to form a huge lump of monstrous schedule that I can't run away from =(. I think I got to know G sometime around this period as well, and we got really close somehow, although I've only seen her once before this (which she doesn't remember =P). ... I'll continue another day. Getting tired and examinations' in one week's time and I'm still slacking. Damn it. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

20060211

The Past 3 Years... (Part I)

Alright, my life at Temasek Polytechnic has finally come to an end, more or less. All that's left are the examinations in roughly 2 weeks' time, and that's it. 3 years have passed. Since it's actually something important, I'll try my very best to write everything that comes to mind when I think back on the 3 years.

It feels sad, honestly. There's no happiness at all in this. You know, I thought I'd go, "Yay finally!" On the contrary, I'm actually feeling, "Please don't end." I had a very good primary school life, but my secondary school's one was more or less screwed. Life at Temasek Polytechnic was, simply put, the best school life I've ever had. I made friends and made enemies (which was against my will), organized and helped out at events, and most importantly, I had fun. Though there were lots of downs as wells, in the end, the trip was fun. It was great, really.

I'm honestly feeling very sad over it. Life's not going to be the same anymore. No more going to school just to waste my time away with my friends. No more waking up late, taking a cab, only to still be marked late. Or early, depending on the lecturer. No more debating with some friends which is the correct way to go about programming this and that. It ends, just like this. I know for sure I'm going to miss Temasek Polytechnic.

In Year 1, I didn't really focus much on my studies. Most of my time was spent skipping lectures (with my friends), especially in Year 1.2. I didn't really know what I wanted, I only knew that I'll choose Computer Engineering in Year 2. Yet, somehow or rather, I managed to do rather well, and till today, I believe that was what drove me to work hard for my results. I actually felt like achieving something for once, academically. Anyway, the studying part went smoothly for me in Year 1. However, the thing I'll always remember was my class A301. Although we aren't close anymore now, it was a great class. If I'm not wrong, there were only 3 girls in that class. Of course, you can imagine the boys' disappointment. Well, at that time I was attached to E (fake name, of course!), so it didn't really bother me that much. Still, being in a class with that many guys is really weird. Simply put, when you sit at the back of the class, all you see is guys' asses. Really interesting. Lol. I made some really great friends in Year 1, and till today we're still close. Shouts to Maclean and Gregory! Anyway, I ONLY PARTICIPATED in ONE event in Year 1, and that was the Open House. I joined as an E-Guide, and as fated would have it, the organizers were Jia Hua and Chris. Why fate? Well, in Year 2, I will find out that these two people are actually my seniors in the club I will join.

So, time passes, and I worked like crazy during the holidays (the one before the start of Year 2.1). Maclean, Gregory, Chin Ming, Roy, and a whole bunch of us worked at Acer. Some of us got helpdesk, others got on-site. Well, I'm luckier :P. I got to do some testing of the computers there, which was really fun! Anyway, things soon turned out bad, as E would break up with me just before the start of Year 2.1. It was a really down moment for me at that time, but it was a mutual break up more or less, I guess. Heh, that rhymes. Anyway, E's with another guy now, so I'd like to wish the two of you all the best!

Anyway, Year 2.1 started. I became a zombie for the first 2 weeks. I didn't have the mood to study, and I spent nearly every other night drinking. Alan kept me company almost everyday. He's a really good friend of mine, although both of us have been busy recently. The stuff taught in Year 2.1 was killer, compared to those in Year 1. Most of us got lost, we didn't even know where to start. Somemore, bit by bit, I managed to grasp most of the concepts, and things became a little smoother. It was a really tough year, especially when my group mates were all so lazy :P...

Ok, I'll stop here for now. Not feeling very well, will continue another day. =)