20060221

Having A Break

I'll continue "The Past 3 Years" posts another day, probably sometime after my examinations. Talking about examinations, 2/3 papers are over. Left with the last one. Wish me good luck =)!

I seldom listen to radio, so I'm not really up to date with the latest songs from whatever the hottest genre is suppose to be right now. Anyway, I happened to listen to Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You the other day, during Valentine's Day (while I was at Suntec with her ^_^). Well, someone made a dedication, so I actually sat through and listened, and it didn't sound like a love song at all. True enough, it's a song about her family breaking up, about her teenage years, about all the shit she went through. Off topic for a moment, please take some time to understand the lyrics before dedicating a song in future... Lol ^_^.

The thing is I can really relate a lot to this song. As some of you know, or not know, my parents divorced when I was in Secondary 3. It wasn't easy, and till today it's not. I don't mind talking about it though, and in fact joke about it at times, because I don't see a point in being sad over it all the time. My sadness probably can't compare to theirs. I love them both very much, honestly. Yet, sometimes the things they do just makes you wonder what you are to them. I probably have one of the best mothers in the world, and I'm really glad =).

Why am I writing this suddenly? I don't know, probably because of my sister and the stupid song ^^. You see, my sister hasn't returned home to sleep for the past week or so, again. I'm tired, really. She writes on her blog that my dad bothers her, that she's afraid of him. Please, to my sister, you don't even know what you have. You even have the cheek to say "No wonder mother left you." You, barely 16 years of age, trying to judge your own parents divorce. You said "Let mother off, don't bother her." Are you trying to run away? Or are you trying to protect mum? You don't even know where she is now. You claim we take away your happiness? FUCKING SHIT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING THAT'S HAPPENING. You feel unwanted? Want to compare? Mum and dad works so hard for your sake, yet you say this kind of things. You come home daily to take a bath, and then go out again. Mum washes all the clothes for you. I've to do the dishes sometimes. Hotel? Don't talk so nice and sweet on your blog. You only portray that side to your friends, never to us. I asked you if you were coming back, you said later. Then you told me to stop asking. Fine =). If you can't agree on my point of view, it's ok. If you hate me, it's ok. The basic respect ANY HUMAN should have is to respect your parents, and respect yourself. You don't have any of that.

If you really hate it when people call just to ask how you are, I suppose your wish is granted. Many a times I've NOT wanted to call you, but because I was worried I had to call. And this is how you respond. You know what? Do what you like. You claim you're tired? Yeah, I suppose so, for constantly staying out late, drinking, and god knows what. For constantly wasting your time on finding guys that promise you "forever", only to break up eventually, and you simply whine to your almighty friends, who are ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE. Why don't you ask yourself what you're doing?

I'm tired of many things, but unlike you, I don't push the blame to anyone. I've never felt this disappointed in anyone before, and I think you already know that. Whereas other families are able to be together happily, I'm stuck in the center whenever any conflict takes place. And you, don't help in any way, because you always feel you're the victim. I'll tell you, all of us are victims, and all of us are at fault as well.

Another thing, I think Singapore's media/journalism/whatever you call it, really sucks. Downright sucky =).

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