20050119

Argh!

Monday's papers were crap. Should be able to pass MSD, but I doubt I'll score. On the other hand, DMSD's... A goner, I think. Thankfully yesterday's paper (BUSSP) was ok. I think I could've done better though, if I hadn't spend most of yesterday's morning talking shit in the library. Lol.

Well, can't blame anyone else but myself, too much stuff on my mind. Just got to work hard for the remaining 3 papers. COMPCOM later on, followed by the 2 killer papers, DSA and EWA on Thursday =(.

Someone please lend me your brain for a few minutes, mine isn't working! Damn, normally I would've the term break to look forward to after the term tests, but my break isn't a break at all! I need all the sleep I can get =(. Alright, off to study COMPCOM now!

20050116

Deep Trouble

Lol, thanks to the HDKs, I ended up not studying at all yesterday, and I still haven't studied. Basically, I went to the school library to study with Maclean and the rest yesterday, but I reached only at 4pm or so. And they left at 4.45pm. So before I could settle down, it was time to go. After that, we went to Century Square's arcade for some Outrun 2, before I went to McDonald's with Maclean. Andrew called to tell us he was leaving, and that the rest were still playing games. Anyway, didn't see any of them after that except for Gregory. Saw ALMAN while with Maclean! Haha. Mr. Alman, you've grown BIG. Lol ^_^. Glad to see you're doing well.

Basically, I came home after that. Wanted to study, but thought of going over to Boon Tiong's house to study with him. Lol. Things didn't turn out that way though. I ended up talking to Joven and Hong Wen about some stuff, with Boon Tiong playing this Chinese war game. Later on, Boon Tiong joined us, and we talked about some crap. Stuff for intelligent people, according to Hong Wen. Anyway, Boon Tiong literally fell asleep while we were talking! There goes my studying session with him. Since Hong Wen, Joven, and me were still DAMN awake, we decided to leave and come to my house instead. I was supposed to study while they use my computer, but in the end we ate and talked some more. Slept around 5am. Woke up at 2pm or so. Joven's late for work. Lol. Hong Wen went home to sleep. And I, WANTED to study, but I already promised my mother I would go to that Robinson's Sale with her. And I just got home, with both subjects for tomorrow untouched. This is challenging!

Also talked to my mother and father regarding some problems that're affecting me, and they both gave similar advice. So I'll listen to them. They're probably right =). This shows that even when divorced, they still share similar thoughts! ^_^

Good luck to my friends who're taking the term test this week. I'll be away from the computer, at least I'll try. Bye bye.

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20050108

Null

Hi all, here I am again. Here's what's really been going on for the past few weeks/months. I'm on really good terms with my ex-girlfriend, and she wants to get back together. But being the bastard I'm born to be, I didn't want to, cause of numerous reasons. I still have feelings for her, but I don't ever want to say I love her, or anyone else. At least not for now. Love has chosen to desert me. I know she might be crying as I'm typing this, and I really don't feel good at all. She's always been a great girl. Great personality, really sweet looking, helpful, nice, etc.

A couple of times she wanted to end everything. As in, she goes her way, and I go my way. And each time, I will somehow manage to convince her not to be so rash, and each time, I'm not even sure of myself. That's the kind of person I am. She always feels that she owes me something, because back then it was her who left me. But she never realises that I played a big part in the breaking up. My temper was horrible. Anyone else would've left too. Probably at a much earlier time as well. Even till now, she feels that she owes me something. I've told her a lot of times she doesn't. I don't know what else I can say, I really feel empty sometimes.

Why am I writing this now? Because she just sent me an sms, saying she doesn't want to be so selfish anymore. She wants us to just be friends. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I really want to blame her parents for everything, but in the end it's me. Time and again, I've made her cry. I guess I've probably done it again. I just want to take this time to write something personal to her, she might read this in a few months time or so. I can't sms her right now, she said not to. And if I do sms at this time, it'll only make her feel worse. Moreover, I think it's better that I write this now before I completely become numb or something, I'm already empty enough.

I don't know what I can say or do to make you happy, but I'm sorry for causing you this hurt you don't deserve. You've been a great girl to me for 2 years. You still are. I hope you'll always be. You deserve someone much better than I am, someone who your parents like. Know that this time round it's not your fault at all, not even a single bit. It's me. I know it's tiring for you to wait for me, especially when I seem to be playing you. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say anymore. Just take care, I'll always be cheering you on, somehow.

I would like to include her name in there, but I don't think she would want that. She's probably the sweetest girl I've ever known. I don't think I'll be updating this blog for a while, unless it's not related to my life. There's nothing worth mentioning in my life anymore.

Puzzle

Well well. This was some * conversation between me and Dian yesterday. No offense to any girls, please take it lightly =).

DN & YC
DN: "If you think her pussy is smelly, you should smell her mouth!"
YC: "More like they switched places due to it being unused for too long, and the pussy is now rotting away in place of the mouth."
DN: "Lol."

Rubbish...

Drknz & YC
Drknz: "Dumbass, concentrate on what you really want."
YC: "I don't know what I want anymore..."
Drknz: "Weren't you so sure of achieving your goal? It's been a smooth journey so far, why are you stopping?"
YC: "As smooth as the journey is, I haven't exactly been feeling too good about the things I've been doing."
Drknz: "When you've succeeded, then make up for everything. 'The Ends Justify The Means.'"
YC: "By then it'll be too late. The number of people I've hurt and are hurting are increasing on a daily basis."
Drknz: "People? Hurt? Do you mean your friends, or someone you love?"
YC: "I've no idea. Love? That feeling no longer exists in me."
Drknz: "No idea? You don't even know if some of them are friends! Yeah, someone like you doesn't have a need for love."
YC: "Wait. I love my friends too. Isn't that love? As in, real friends."
Drknz: "You know what kind of love you mean. The kind where you'll hug and whatnots, eventually it's... lust."
YC: "You're going way off topic here. But you're right in some way... Lust and love eh? I can't see the line differentiating them anymore."
Drknz: "You see what I mean? Just abandaon all these feelings. You don't need friends as well."
YC: "I don't care if I need friends or not, but I want to be there for them if they ever need me."
Drknz: "You're confused like hell."
YC: "Is hell confusing?"
Drknz: "Get serious. If you trust, always be prepared to be betrayed. If you love and want to be with someone, there's bound to be lust. And betrayal. A relationship cannot survive without trust. And you DON'T need these feelings. Just aim for your goal."
YC: "Then why the fuck do I feel weird? I feel empty."
Drknz: "Bear with it and achieve your goal. That's all that matters, no?"
YC: "I thought it was a yes... But now I don't know anymore."
Drknz: "You're lost aren't you?"
YC: "Lost? I don't know. If I know I'm lost I can at least find my way. But now I don't even know what to do."
Drknz: "Why don't you think about what you really want? You can always join me when you're ready."
YC: "Do I have any other choices?"
Drknz: "Yes, Light. But you can't believe in his beliefs can you? All that optimistic bullshit."
YC: "Yeah..."

20050107

-

It's been a really busy week for me. Last week was equally busy. Thankfully, next week won't be. I've managed to clear most of my teaching sessions successfully so far. Haha. The only MAJOR problem left is DSA. I'm doing File I/O, with Willie. Lol... It's really tough. I need to know SLL, Stack, Queue, and just about every single data structure out there for File I/O. Damn =(. On a lighter note, I'm feeling so bored now that I'm working out. Lol. Just taking a short break now. Anyway, go over to Geraldine's blog, on the lower right side of my site. There's a nice poem down there.

Ultimate contradiction of the day:
superstitions are made up because of human's lack of faith in the divine. if we had solid faith, then there wldn't be the need to adhere to all these superstitions, wld there? we would trust in God and in turn, He'd pave the way for us. superstitions or not.

Lol. To the person writing this, feel free to message me, but I've to protect my own religion. I thought you were a friend... Anyway thanks for being there at times.

20050105

Wishes

Just finished most of my teaching notes... =). Currently taking a break listening to the song in the previous post. It's really nice. Anyway, just want to post some thoughts.

To Her parents, one day when you all have crossed the line, don't expect me to keep quiet. All I ever wanted was to be happy with her. That was back then. Now we're just friends, and is it wrong for friends to go out? Yes, the attraction is still there, but what have I done wrong to you? I really wished I could call and tell you all that I'm going to write here, but if I do, she'll be the one getting the scolding. To think I've helped fix your computer and whatnots so many times. I even sat beside you, Mr. I-Want-To-Chop-Your-Leg during Chinese New Year. If I'm not wrong that was in 2002. We were playing Blackjack! Damn you. And the moment you found out she's my girlfriend you all forget everything? I've never seen people as weird as you. You aren't unique, you're downright weird. When she comes out with me, to catch a movie, to the park, etc., and she returns home HAPPY, you've to say "How come you so happy? Meet him again right?" And ultimately, you always end with "Don't meet him anymore." And auntie, I don't owe you a thing. When she quarrelled with you, and I told her to apologise, I WASN'T INTENDING ON PLEASING YOU. I didn't even want you to know I was involved. But what did you do? When she apologised, you went "Aiyah ask YC don't act." Smart? Numerous times I wanted to thank you for letting her come out with me, but each time I was wrong. Because before I could thank you, you had to whine and complain to him, and poor her will get ALL the scolding. To both of you, back then I was weak. I'll admit that. But I was still able to reason with both of you well enough. And I didn't want to speak up because I don't want to end up quarrelling with both of you. You only want to satisfy your EGO. Uncle, you didn't even have the guts to tell me you wanted to chop my leg off. You told your son and daughter to tell me. It's scary. If I ever get attacked in public, I'll know who to find. Thank you for the information. Auntie, you came all the way to my house early in the morning, at 8.30am, thinking she was at my house. DIDN'T your husband fetch her to school already? Which part of your brain isn't working right? And I opened the door for you to come in, you didn't want to. And both of you don't even respect MY father. If I did something wrong, just tell me directly. Stop with your OBVIOUS acting. It's irritating. And yes, I'm not putting some information here for the sake of protecting her. Unlike you. And right now I AM SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH HER. Even then you forbid her from coming out with me. You think you're great or something? Be thankful she's even obeying you. Other girls would've rebelled. You pray to your God at Novena Church every Sunday, for what purpose? And I know, you once told my friend's parents you don't have time for God. Hypocrite. My father always told me to respect the two of you as parents, and I've always tried that. I know you care for her, but this isn't the way. She's already honest to you, yet you distrust her every word. If you don't allow her to watch a movie with me, just tell her. Why allow, only to give her a severe scolding when she returns home? And if you really think you're right, I would gladly post whatever I can remember of THAT FATEFUL DAY I met the both of you, on this blog. Or anywhere else. And let the world judge for themselves.

"If you really love her, leave her for 5 years and return later." Hello? Can someone explain this to me? "The later you marry, the longer you last." YEAH. Don't marry then, you'll last forever. And you said this knowing my parents are divorced. Clever insult.

Because one day when she's sad, know this: I wasn't the one who wanted all this to happen. It's the two of you. All I am asking for right now, is some explanation. What did I do wrong? To Her, I really wish some day your parents will understand you the way you want them to. And maybe, treat you more like an adult. Sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

Note: I know some of you are going to say I don't have the guts to tell them directly. Think what you want. Because unlike you all, I swallow my ego when needed.

On another note, to a certain someone who listened to me whining, thank you. I hope you get well soon =).

20050101

HDK!

Tonight I'm meeting Boon Tiong and the rest, and we're going to drink all night. Drink to our hearts' content! Hm, maybe I'll get all of them to give me 10 dollars then we can donate to the tsunami victims or something. I WILL try to get them to do it. Lol. Can't wait to go! Alright, see you people around. Everyone, please donate whatever you can to the tsunami victims =). Anyway, here's a really nice song (sorry to those who can't read Chinese):

Beyond - Love
传来的声音好熟悉 一个人好像在梦里
一直在想念你 远方的你不要哭泣
因为我从来没故意 伤害了你的心
你最爱问我 什么时候可以陪伴着你
你对我说过 不能入睡 太累 一个人太空虚
轻轻的呼吸 在耳边 你是否已陶醉在怀里
漫漫长夜里 拥抱你 我只想对你说
I Love you

Happy New Year!

Just dropping by to wish all of you a Happy New Year! Sorry I haven't been blogging. Too many things, too little time. I'll just like to take this time to thank all my friends who were there when I needed them =).

May 2005 be a better year than 2004, which was a worse year than 2003, and a better year than 2002! Lol =).

All the best in everything!

Please take a moment and pray for the victims of the tsunami. Pray for their family to pull through this. Pray that the victims find peace in some place nicer... Just pray.