20050429

Today...

My mother gave me some cash today to buy a new pair of sneakers =P. Initially I thought it was a dream as I was half-asleep when that happened, but thankfully, when I woke up, opened my wallet, there it was! Haha.

Anyway, went to school at 10.30am for a meeting. There was supposed to be a meeting at 9.30am with Mr. Clement Chew and Jeremy, but I overslept. In fact, I don't even remember how I fell asleep last night. The meeting with ESC ended around 1+pm. It was quite ok, much better than the previous one. There's this girl Janice, or something, that's really hyper. Lol ^_^.

After the meeting, I went to Tampines Mall's Converse to get my shoes. As luck would have it, it was sold out. Another design that I also liked was also sold out. So I went home, gave Tiong Guan a call, and both of us went to Bugis' Converse. Again, it was sold out. Haha. Since I won't be having much time next week, we went on to Suntec City's Converse. Sold out. Lol. We then went to Heeren's. We saw Isabel working for California Fitness. Haha. Talked for a while before going to Heeren's. Well, it's sold out as well, but they have the high cut ones. The girls working there are really sweet. As in, they smile, say thanks and whatnots in their sweet voices =). Haha =P. Anyway, I bought the high cut one, before going to Cineleisure to meet Alan for a while. He's working at Cocoon. Talked for a while before going home.

On the way home, something unexpected happened. I mean, it's a small thing, but it was nice. There's this girl who hit me accidentally while walking past. And she actually said "Sorry." Of course, I replied "It's ok.", and she actually turned around and smile. To some of you this might be nothing, I might seem like I'm exaggerating things, but it's really rare to see people like this, males or females alike. As stupid as it sounds, it actually made me smile.

So there you have it, my day. Thanks to Kelvin, Hilmi, Alan and Maclean for constantly picking up my call. LOL. Asking them "WHERE ELSE GOT CONVERSE?" =)))

20050428

Life Recently...

On Monday, I was at the helpdesk, as usual. Nothing much really happened, except for one or two really irritating calls. Most of my friends already know about it =P. However, from Tuesday till today, I've been working for Acer at the Singapore American School. It's a really nice place.

When I stepped in I was rather taken aback. There's actually a gurka (don't know how to spell that) with a gun guarding the school. Anyway, once in, it felt like another world, like another city altogether. You see people of all nationalities mixing with one another, yet all talking with the same accent. Haha. The people there, from the youngest students to the oldest teachers, are mostly very friendly. I think these foreigners are really nice. They smile as you as you walk by, wish you good afternoon, regardless of age, sex, or race. Who the hell says Singapore is multi-racial? Yeah, we sure are multi-racial, in the sense that we don't have racial riots like in the past. But do we smile and greet others as we walk by? No. Even if it's the same race. It's stupid. I've tried starting conversations with males and females alike while bored (waiting in line to have a haircut, etc.), and I ALWAYS get weird looks. Like what the hell? Is it wrong if I ask how's your day?

So there you go. Anyway, SAS is literally a self-contained city. The girls there are mostly very pretty. I worked only on Tuesday and today actually, as I was sick yesterday. I was pretty much stuck with the young kids on Tuesday, but today I got a chance to walk around, and some girls are really really pretty. Anyway, the young kids are pretty fun to talk to as well. They go like, "Hey is that a new CPU?" and whatnots. Really friendly.

However, within every community there is always bound to be a black sheep I guess =(. Sadly, the black sheeps I've encountered are all Singaporeans, and even worse, they're the people I'm directly under while working for SAS. I won't elaborate too much out of respect, but some people should know their position. Making us cleaners and then telling us "You don't mind right? Since Acer is paying." is definitely not a nice comment =).

To end it off, SAS is a really nice school. Although it was just two days, I'm already missing the friendly environment in there. Really cool! Go SAS! Haha =).

On another note, I'm supposed to go to school for two meetings tomorrow. Sigh. I don't mind meetings, but sometimes it's held so late and at such a weird time it screws up your plan, completely. There goes a day of work =(.

Anyway, I met H (as usual), after work today, and we went Bugis. FFS it's been like 3 months or more since I stepped into Bugis. It was pretty fun, and we finally saw some things that we intend to buy once we get our pay. Yay.

Today Knight, one of my colleagues, told us some stuff about himself. Very nice person. The best thing he said today was probably something that goes like "The Chinese believe if you got it wrong the first time, you don't know how to do it. If someone teaches you, and you get it wrong the second time, you probably forgot. But if you get it wrong the third time, you're doing it on purpose." Haha =).

WTF? My CD-R EXPLODED!

Hi all, I was running Knoppix 3.8.1 off the CD I just burnt when I heard a damn loud sound. I looked around and nothing dropped or anything like that. Then I heard some weird sounds from my drive, and my Knoppix system hanged. I turned off the computer, open my drive, and this is what I saw.

When I Opened The Drive...

After Removing The Drive & Shaking It...

After Some More Removing...

What A Proper CD-R Looks Like...

My Drive =(.

Damn. My question is, is it the drive at fault? Or is it the CD-R? I don't know whether to laugh or be shocked. Sigh.

Just for the fun of it, I uploaded the actual full resolution pictures. Download them here.

I just did some reading, seems that if a cracked/damaged CD is spun at over 50X there's a high chance of "exploding". LOL. BUT IT WAS A BRAND NEW CD!!! Damn. I just downloaded it, burnt it, and ran it! Sigh =(.

20050425

=)

Damn, sorry I didn't write a Long Post Part III. I was rather busy after lunch time, so yeah =(. Anyway, I met H after work, as usual, and we went to Woodlands together to meet his friend Kimberley. Well, won't elaborate too much, but she's one sweetie pie.

Thanks to H and Kimberley for such a great day ^^.

On another note, there has been lots of weird occurences/coincidences recently. A good example would be the butter cookies that H ate today. The brand is Danisa, which is very similar to his ex-girlfriend's name. And my ex-girlfriend's recent nick was "addicted to you; butter cookies". I know it might seem to some of you as "over"-thinking, but there's many other similar things that happened. Really weird, like my life is some sort of game =(.

Long Post Part II

hello everyone, here i am again. i'm currently working, at the helpdesk as usual. got some bad calls already. haha. today there was this pregnant lady on the mrt, and not a single soul offered her a seat. i was standing, so i couldn't do shit. damn. you know people are really selfish sometimes. self-conscious too. i do know one of the reasons why people don't offer their seats is because they're afraid of the attention they'll get. for fuck's sake be yourself. it's quite sad, really.

i titled this "Long Post Part II" mainly because i'll probably be blogging from now till i end work, which is around 5.30pm, and now's only 9.45am. secondly, i didn't exactly type everything i wanted to in the previous post, but then again, i never do. haha. i'm currently on phone with this person who's quite easy to talk to, and he's currently backing up his stuff. got to stop typing once he's done, at least temporarily.

i think it's nice to help people, when you help others you feel happy, and most of the time you'll help yourself. moreover it helps your karma, if you believe in it. it's actually pretty nice to work here. i don't know much about working life, but i'm thankful for a rather nice working environment. my supervisor doesn't use his authority at all, and most of my colleagues are really friendly. moreover, i'm using this computer which actually has a tv tuner card built in, so i can watch tv when i've nothing to do. i spend most of my time listening to the songs on my mp3 player though. of course i have to listen at a reasonable volume.

however, helpdesk isn't as fun as the previous area i worked in. testing computers for a certain organisation. it was much more fun as it's basically my interest. but yeah, helpdesk is still ok. the pay is good, overtime is good too. $8 an hour, $12 for overtime. quite good. hehe. thanks to chin ming who introduced me and a couple of friends to this job. based on my calculations with h last night, i should be able to earn around $800, hopefully. as such, i've come up with a list of things to buy:

shoes & sneakers - $100
bag - $30
wallet - $60
hauppauge wintv pvr 150 - $170

so roughly $400 is gone. fuck. but at least i'm buying it with my own money, and i'm happy. lol. i think i'm really easily contented. well, when it comes to certain things anyway. h is probably going to spend a $300 or so too to get an mp3 player, shoes, bag, hard disk, and some memory. damn, it's been a long time since i bought something for myself. yay. my life seems fun, after such a long time. well, in a way. one of the things i've learned is never to expect people to respect you, whether they're older or younger than you, whether you've helped them or harmed them, whatever. instead, command respect. also, don't expect people to appreciate you even if you gave up your free time or whatever, and helped them with their project. you won't get it. probably one out of twenty will appreciate you. instead of whining, just take it as self-improvement. well, it's self-consolation, but there's still a little truth in it.

let's see, i was talking about dreams yesterday... well, my dreams are turning into nightmares. lol. if you've read the manga berserk before, there's this really nice quote that goes something like "a true friend does not only share your dreams, but has his own dreams as well. moreover, he'll pursue it at all costs." it's quite true actually. however, in that manga, the amount of respect the characters have for one another is immense, unlike this world. the number of friends i have that i truly respect, and respect me, is countable with my fingers. i'm not too sure if i've to use my toes. lol. ok back to topic, dreams. so what are your dreams? will you achieve it at the cost of destroying someone else's?

yesterday my mother told me something nice, it went like "there're people out there working for luxury, but i am working to survive." it's true. some people are already rich enough to do most things, yet they go on working stupidly. for materials. there's this book written by a local author titled "the invisible trade". it's actually about social escorts, and it's a nice book actually. most of the social escorts working here are actually holding rather high positions in office. well, the book might be exaggerating, but i'm sure there's some truth in it. it's a pretty interesting book, talking about everything from bdsm to gay social escorts. some "stories" are quite funny. things like this businessman requestion the social escort to pee or shit on his face. they're named "golden shower" and "brown shower" respectively. weird fetishes.

in another hour or so i'm going for lunch. i need lunch. i slept close to 4am last night thanks to h. we were watching some amazing videos. amazing stunts and tricks. no, it's not porn. it's team ryouko. www.teamryouko.com. on a side note, i don't share porn. lol. so basically i slept at 4am and woke up at 6.30am. and the main thing i'm trying to say is i'm damn tired now. to add to that, i worked out last evening. and my body's really aching now. fuck, i need it. i mean, i need rest.

lately i've been thinking if i really should bother about some friends. you know, there's this saying that goes something like "never offer help unless asked", and i think it's really true. there're some people i honestly care about, but i'm often misunderstood. well, not like i can help them much anyway. it's like i just want to be a listening ear to them, but i'm considered a nuisance. weird. it's not like i go "yo what are you problems?", "come on tell me i'll listen.", "bitch you listening? tell me what's wrong!" in fact i only say "hey if there's something wrong i'll listen." but i don't even get a reply! or i'll be stopped in my tracks with a simple "hey i'm busy now sms you later." but you know, i know, we all know, the sms that's supposed to come later never comes. if you don't know by now, i'm referring to my female friends. male friends are much easier. "you're sad? never mind la, let's go drink tonight." or something like that. or "come let's play cs." and at the end of the day/night, we'll either be dead drunk, or laughing our asses off due to the game or whatever we're enjoying.

but you know, whatever you're enjoying, it'll probably be much nicer if someone special was there. unless you're out having sex, or making love if you prefer to call it that, with another person. lol. then again, a threesome isn't exactly a bad idea. ok, just joking, but i know you're offended. don't fucking give me bullshit like "i love singlehood." and shit. just admit, either your partner was a lousy boyfriend/girlfriend, you were a lousy girlfriend/boyfriend, or both of you were lousy, or things just didn't work out, or you are just running away from your problems.

anyway, to a certain someone, good luck for your upcoming examinations =).

a tear drops, but you don't know why...

i was telling h how nice it would be if i was attached right now. let's say i bought the tv tuner card, i would be excitedly telling my girlfriend how fun it is, even if she's a computer idiot. or if i bought the shoes, i would be wearing it and asking her, and joking around. you know, all the fun stuff. and then stupidly hit her, or something. anyway it's just a dream. i can't make a girl come into my life can i? like how? "god, please make a girl ask for my number on the streets today." or something? lol. sorry ^^.

a tear drops, but you don't know why
it's been a while since you last cried

fuck it. i'm having a writer's block. well i'm no writer, i'm a whiner. haha.

ok, i've decided. i'll write a part iii after my lunch if i feel like writing one. for now, it's the end, i guess. no idea what to write. and my lunch's at 12.30pm. just 15 minutes more.

don't worry be happy.

20050424

Long Post

i was born a dreamer. at the age of five, i was thinking of how to protect my parents in future. all of us are born dreamers. when we were young we wanted to be firemen, policemen, doctors, scientists, and who knows what. i wanted to be a firemen, putting out fires and saving the helpless. i wanted to be a scientist too, so that one day i can make some great cure that could stop death. when i was five i was already worried about my parents dying. no idea why, probably due to too much tv. basically, i wanted to be a hero. i wanted to be nice, to be recognised. i wanted to be a good child, and a great person.

those were the days. i wish i could've written all these back then, but at that time we were all learning how to spell, much less write. if i could've written all these honest feelings back then, i would probably not be so lost right now. at the very least, i would've a reference to my dreams. i used to write diaries, but i seem to have lost them all, except for one or two "digital" diaries writting using either microsoft word, or notepad. i still smile each time i read them. i seem so innocent back then, almost idiotic. let's see some of my entries...

Monday, 24 July 2000
... I started it because I think I am wiser now because when times are low, I had a Zig Ziglar motivating book to carry me on. Sometimes, I really feel very hopeless. My family is in financial crisis and I hope that we will get out of it soon. ...


Sunday, 18th February 2001
Hi! We meet again. Over the last few weeks, life has been quite good, although some bad things did happened. I found out that A is actually quite a nice person, and easy to get along with. However, he and B have been quite cynical recently, wonder what’s wrong? I also got to know C and D better, and they are good friends. E is also quite jealous when I talk to D. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m going to take her away or what, I’m just friends with her. Maybe a little more than that. But hey, I have my morals, I won’t do such despicable things. C is also a very nice gal. Dian likes her a lot =P. F sucks big time, changing from bad to worse. I asked her how she was the other day and her reply was “Why?” I mean, can’t I ask out of concern? Anyway, my studies have been progressing nicely. Hope to do well in my common tests which are coming in a few weeks’ time. Until then, see ya!

P.S: I will try to write in at least once a week. =).


haha, i can't believe i wrote all those back then. it's quite nostalgic actually. to be honest, i don't even know why i'm writing. probably due to boredom, or something. maybe i should start living my life for others... i don't know. a life without dreams is just pointless, a life where you can see your future is equally meaningless. i'd like to live like before, looking forward to tomorrow everyday, wondering what's going to happen. enjoy life. i was talking to an old friend yesterday, yiren, and he said he's surprised to hear me whining about life for once. well, people change. thanks for the talk by the way.

anyway, back to topic, we all had dreams. great dreams, big dreams. but as we grow reality sets in, and most of us give up on our dreams. at the same time, we've new dreams. but what if time and again your dreams get destroyed? i used to think of girls as sweet, innocent angels, but now i'm not so sure anymore. here's what my ex wrote for me in one of the letters, and i think it's really sweet...

Hmm.. There’re times when I missed the ole days whereby we were so innocent and did none of those things, only loving unconditionally. Remember the time after my parents found out about us, and we had to meet secretly early in the morning? It’s either before my school started or before I had track training. We’d meet opposite my house at the playground then I’d leave for school after we talk. Hehe. I really miss that period of time. Coz we were able meet, talk and not do those stuff. We’ll be like that once again kae? I’ve always wanted us to just lie close to each other and either talk or sleep, like the second half of today.:D

Also, I don’t blame you for not being able to trust me completely, coz of what happened previously. Really, I fear I’d hurt you again. I don’t want that to happen. I wished we’d never broken up. I’m sorry. If you decide you don’t want to be with me or anything, just tell me yea? I’m cool with it.:)

Having said my piece, it’s still up to you to decide what is it you really feel and want. These are just what me, a 15-year-old, feels. Hehe. Hope it doesn’t sound too shallow-minded and one-sided.:p Btw, I don’t mean for this to sound pressurizing or pushing kae? I Love You, more than you can ever imagine, even more than I’d expected. Oh ya. Next time I say ‘I love you’, you don’t have to reply kae? I understand you gotta sort yourself out first. I’ll be waiting though, to hear those three words from you.:) hehe. Gotta stop here and sleep liao. Calling you soon! Hehe. Let’s do the Mc Donald kiss! Bleah.:p


yea, those were the days i still had a little bit of my dreams to hold on to. i've been reading up on some quotes recently, and most of the time i see stuff like "overcome evil with good", "good triumps over evil", and whatnots. but i think we all know that's not always true. there're times we've to use evil against evil. i spent this afternoon watching the japanese drama "long vacation", and it's quite touching. watch it if you get a chance to.

sometimes the people you treasure are torturing you unknowingly. you're my treasure and torture, eh? nice rhyme there, but it's a true statement. sometimes people are so sweet and kind to everyone all the time, it hurts. sometimes i think of some people till it hurts inside. well, what can i say? i sms-ed an old friend today, and i didn't know she has broken up with her boyfriend. anyway all i could say was cheer up. well, it didn't seem like she wanted to message anyway, so yeah. just hope she cheers up.

on another note, i saw a kind person the other day offering his seat to a lady carrying her baby, while on the mrt with h the other day. for some odd reason it actually made me smile.

there're some things you can let go of, and some things you can't. but there's a limit to how much you can hold on to. let go of some stuff, and pretty soon you'll be holding on to new things. you know, i'll probably see you again when i die. or after i die.

why do you keep doing what you know is wrong...?

20050422

LOL YEAH!

I think some of us here are really fake, really useless, and really detestable. A conversation between me and someone related to my ex-girlfriend went like this:

Someone: "Hi..."

Me: "Yes?"

Someone: "Can you send me Tong Hua by Guang Liang?"

Me: "Sure."

Someone: "Thanks. I heard from her that you showed her the MTV when she met you recently?"

Me: "Yeah. You do know I've nothing to do with her anymore, right?"

Someone: "Yeah. Lol."

Some other meaningless conversation took place, but basically, this person never contacts me unless she needs help.

Thanks =). For the LOL. It's funny, really. It's funny because I'm actually affected by it. But it's alright, I always tell myself to get stronger. But the fact is I'm getting colder, not stronger. Well, well. I've been trying to be nice and everything, not for YOUR (whoever you think you are) SAKE, but for myself, and my parents, and my REAL friends. I wonder what would happen if the following happened:

Girl/Boy: "Hey I just broke up with him/her..."

Me: "LOL. How did it happen?"

Use words wisely. It's bad enough there's no tone or expression when sms-ing or instant messaging, it's even worse when people use words like that without thinking. Funny? Yeah I'm fucking sensitive. At least I don't type without using my brains. You think I like making a joke out of everything? Fuck, I'm just trying to take things easy. And what do I get? People trying to bring me down. Yeah. Thanks.

Lol.

20050421

Carlos Mencia

I was watching Carlos Mencia starring in Comedy Central just now, and it was really funny. But at the end, he said this:

"What makes life beautiful is the essence of the fact that it can go away. See, you don't want to live like that. You don't want to be that person do you? That had a fight, and then consequently had a stupid fight with your spouse over who's supposed to open, or close, or turn off the lights at that time. So you did it, but you were pissed. And you stayed piss with your wife. Not cause it was real. But hell, we'll make up later, and nothing's better than make-up sex. And in the morning you woke up, things were still bad but you kept that, cause hey, I'm going to come back, and we're going to do it, and then what happened? You went to your building, and you sadly, on that 90th floor, and that happened (Sept 11), and your ass is never going to go back home again. And the best you can do, is call your woman and say I love you, and that you miss last night, cause why, because you thought that it was going to last forever. See, every comedy show you go to, it always ends with a big joke. Cause that's how it's supposed to be. But then my friends, in life, if you're going to learn one thing from me, learn this. Cause sometimes, sometimes..."

So there you go, a really nice speech. At least for me it is.

Recently I've been trying to take things easy. Trying is the keyword. Been working at Acer for this whole week so far. Really tired, but the money keeps me going. Moreover, computing is one of my major interests. Work is good, because it takes my mind off other things. Sometimes I feel like a complete POS, I don't even know what I'm doing. My mood fluctuates so quickly and randomly I think my brain's messed up somewhere. Well, well. At least something's holding me back, in a good way. Who knows? Who cares?

I don't remember where I saw this quote, but it goes like "Some people thrive on hate. Some people love and dream." Credit goes to whoever, let me know if it's you. However I think it's an incomplete statement. Some people thrive on hatred, yet love and dream at the same time. No need for elaboration, since this is just a blog, and I recently realised most people only think they know me =). Think ^^. Probably due to the way I am to them, or the way I blog.

The one dream I really long for, and yet know won't come true, is to get someone sweet, stay with me through my army life, stick by me till I succeed, and then stay together and love each other for life. But hey, what the fuck? To even think someone would remain with you while you're in NS is stupid. Dreams will always remain as dreams.

And I know, the next time I'll simply be laughing or joking again.

WTF?

Me: "Hi, good morning."

Customer: "Hi, I'm calling in regards to my TM380. Well, not mine, it's a gift from my daughter's boyfriend to her. He bought it in Taiwan and sent it back."
[What is he trying to tell me? That her daughter has a good boyfriend?]

Me: "Ok. So what's the problem?"

Customer: "The OS is Windows XP Home Edition, but it's in Chinese. Any way I can change it to an English OS?"

Me: "Sorry, but the only way is for you to buy another Windows XP Home Edition in English, and we'll reload it for you. There's a service charge though."

Customer: "What? I'm expected to pay? Can't you just take back the Chinese one, and give me an English version?"

Me: "Sorry, we can't do that. To begin with we don't sell that model over here. Moreover, we don't bundle specific-language editions."

Customer: "Rules are made by the people. But when the time comes you should change it on a case by case basis."
[Philosopher. Selfish bastard. You're just saying it for yourself admit it. Why don't you change yourself and adapt to our rules?]

Me: "Sir, I'm sorry but we can't do that."

Customer: "Well, then I'm going to tell everyone how lousy Acer is. I'm also going to write to Ten Shi and let him know about it. Who's your big boss in Singapore? Your manager? I've met Ten Shi before you know?"
[I think he's referring to Stan Shih, who was the Chairman of Acer. If I'm not wrong, he retired at the end of last year. Anyway, I respect him for what he has done for the computing industry. But it's quite insulting when some low-lifer calls and threatens us with his name.]

Anyway, the conversation ended with me passing to my manager his number =\. I understand that when money is involved, people tend to be a bit selfish, but please learn to respect others as well. I don't need to know your philosophy, or how you live your life, or what a big shot you are. You aren't even going to be in my life anyway. Just think for a moment, what if one day, all the companies start adopting a philosophy that goes something like "Serve only the good customers. Hang up on the bad ones." Isn't it better that way?

20050417

Laugh

This life of mine is pathetic right now, I've given up on nearly everything. The only thing holding me back, keeping me sane are some of my close friends. People never try to understand what they can't understand, they simply start fearing, hating, or ignoring it. I know you've your problems too, but don't take it out on me. I know you care a lot for us, but have you ever once tried to understand me? I'll tell you, what I intend to do. I'll get rich, for sure. Sure, some of you are laughing now, go on. I'll get rich and then get rid of some of my relatives. Two uncles, to be exact. One from each side.

I don't do the dishes, I don't cook, I don't watch TV with any of you, I don't spend much time talking to any of you. Yes, I hate myself for that. But what I am today, is thanks to everything that started around 3 or 4 years ago. I'm not blaming you, but please, try to understand. I'm still just a kid. I still get happy when I do well. Do I even ask anything from you? Yet, everytime something happens, I take all the shit from you all. Sister, mother, father. I don't even know what's happening most of the time. You tell me not to concern myself with all these, yet you're blaming it all on me.

To my sister, please be a good girl, and I'll be happy. Mum and Dad are really trying very hard. It's you, who's blind. You don't see what others have done for you. You only see the scoldings, the shoutings, the anger. Look at yourself. You don't even have your priorities right in life. All the talk, all the promises, but where's the action? Have you ever cried for someone else, other than yourself? Have I ever once compared my results to yours? Do you even try? Stop living your life with excuses. Please.

I'm not as emotionless as I seem to be to all of you. Can I even show it when I'm sad? =)

Beautiful Women

Since I'm extremely bored and lifeless recently, I've been spending my time on sites like UselessJunk.com a lot. Haha. Some good links here and there, some pornography, but hey, you can choose not to see them =). Anyway, the following are some of the nicer/interesting links. Don't worry, none of them is pornographic.

Amazing Skill!:
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic539.htm

Liv Tyler:
http://www.ryoni.com/news/123/ARTICLE/1368/2005-04-13.html

Elisha Cuthbert:
http://www.ryoni.com/news/123/ARTICLE/1063/2005-03-11.html

Sarah Karges:
http://www.xposed.com/xposed_girls/sarah_karges_from_the_heartland_straight_to_our_hearts.aspx?aid=18

Jessica Alba:
http://mediafetcher.com/?p=31&page=2

Style:
http://www.uselessjunk.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1585

...:
http://www.uselessjunk.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1684

X Japan - The Last Song

Lyrics:
Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line

Owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
Kokoro wa mada nuretamama

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

Kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
Doshite mada toikaketeru

Am I wrong to be hurt
Am I wrong to feel pain
Am I wrong to be in the rain
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
Am I wrong to cry
But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades

Kigatsukeba mata hitori yoru no sora o mitsumeteru
Sukoshi tzutsukiete yuku our memories
Kizutsuk dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
Doshiite mada toikaketeru

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter

Owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
Kokoro wa mada nuretamama
Kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
Doshite mada toikaketeru

Translation:
Watching the stars till they're gone.
Like an actor all alone.
Who never knew the story he was in.
who never knew the story ends.
Like the sky reflecting my heart.
All the colours become visible.
When the morning begins,
I'll read the last line...

Endless rain, embraces me. Night approaches morning.
My heart is not yet soaked.

In endless rain, I've been walking.
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers,
trying to hide the tears.
But it was a circle
That never ends.
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page,
The page of the first chapter...

I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question.

Am I wrong to he hurt?
Am I wrong to feel pain?
Am I wrong to be in the rain?
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end?
Am I wrong to cry?
But I know, it's not wrong to sing the last song,
Cause forever fades...

lf I wake up again, I'll gaze at the night sky alone.
Our memories fade away little by little.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question.

I see red.
I see blue.
But the silver lining, gradually takes over.
When the morning begins,
I'll be in the next chapter.

Endless rain embraced me.
Night approaches morning, my heart is not yet soaked.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question.

Source: http://www.x-japan.de/

20050414

Fucked Up

http://www.local6.com/news/4372049/detail.html

I seriously hope those fuckers get the punishment they deserve. Hope the girl's alright... Really. What is this world coming to? A bunch of students watching a helpless girl being forced to perform oral sex? I wish these people would die now, really. Fucking bastards. Should be castrated and forced to be sex slaves for the rest of their lives. When someone is already this twisted, I don't think any amount of punishment/education will help them. They aren't even human anymore... It's sad. And the school staff is pretty twisted as well, I hope they get a punishment they deserve. Chop off their limbs and strip them of their cash, these fuckers don't deserve any mercy. Only when they finally feel guilty should they be given a chance...

http://www.local6.com/news/4373699/detail.html

... What the fuck? Selling your daughters for your personal gain?

http://www.local6.com/news/4376746/detail.html

...

20050413

Last Personal Emotional Post, Hopefully...

When I got back my examination results, I really wanted to share it with you, but I didn't, because I know it doesn't matter anymore. It was painful, but when I saw that Boon Tiong also did well, I couldn't help but be happy for him. But the truth is I wasn't happy with myself at all. Not because I didn't get all Distinctions, or all As, or anything like that, but because there's no one special to share it with. Some of my friends were really happy for me, and I'm thankful for that, really. But I know there're also some who are probably more bothered with themselves than with their friends. Sorry if it comes off as offending to some of you.

When I saw you yesterday, although I did tell Hilmi before that I would've liked to say "Fuck off." or something to you if possible, all I could do was smile weakly. You even offered to buy lunch for me. I know, this is nothing to some of you, but for me it's something nice. I don't usually get care or concern from anyone. It just felt like the old times. Everything. The way you smile, the way you look at me, the way you joke, or "insult" yourself for the fun of it, the way I'll always tap your head, or get stopped by you when I'm about to lose my temper. I even sang for you, once again. You even listened to me talk. Everything was the same, except, we aren't a couple anymore. Yet when I hugged you yesterday, I hoped for a moment, that time will just stop there and then.

It's been 10 months since we "officially" broke up, and today, I feel like we've broken up only yesterday. Everything about you is still fresh in my mind. If you really meant what you said yesterday, about what you think love should be like, hold on to it, and I'm sure one day a really great guy will come to you. I really hope you will keep to your word, and do some soul-searching. If you really like that guy, go for it! I'll be here to cheer you on, somehow =). Thank you for being so sweet all these while =).

-

So much for being strong, when I can't even be strong for myself. I'm pathetic, really. I'm scared. Really. Scared of what lies ahead.

-

One day, when I finally walk the path I have to, I really hope there'll be a little bit of light by my side, so I can at least see where I'm walking. Now all I see is emptiness. Black. I don't know where's my path, or what I should do, where to go, when to start, where to end, and when to end. I'm like a blind man walking in darkness. No matter which path I take, it'll all lead to the same ending, death. The question is which path... Will make me happy?

-

To a certain friend, thanks for spending last evening/night with me for a short while =).

-

光良 - 童话
忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

Source: http://www.xuxule.com/

Rough Translation:
Guang Liang - Fairy Tale
I've forgotten how long it has been since you told me your favourite fairy tale.
I've been thinking for a long time, started to panic, wondering if I went wrong somewhere.
You told me while crying, that fairy tales are all lies, that there's no way I can be your prince.
Maybe you don't know, but since the day you said you love me, all the stars in my sky are now twinkling.
I'm willing to become the prince in your fairy tale, spread my arms and let them become the wings that protect you.

You must believe that we will be just like in the fairy tale, with happiness as our ending.
I'm want to become the prince in your fairy tale, spread my arms and let them become the wings that protect you.
You must believe that we will be just like in the fairy tale, with happiness as our ending.
I'm will become the prince in your fairy tale, spread my arms and let them become the wings that protect you.
You must believe that we will be just like in the fairy tale, with happiness as our ending.
Let's write our ending together.


Ok, I know it's a lousy translation, but my Chinese really sucks, and that's the best I can do without rewriting everything. It's a direct translation from the above Chinese lyrics, so it's line for line. Hope you like it =).

Yes... You =).

-

Edit (The Above Parts Were Written At 8pm Or So, While The Below Part Is Written At 9pm):
I've had enough of this fucked up family. Everyday I see hell. War between my mother and sister. Between me and the both of them. You know what? YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT BY NOT COMING HOME, GO AHEAD. Time and again the bonds I've worked so hard to create were destroyed by your meaningless petty actions. YOU DON'T WANT A FAMILY, THAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM. I WANT A HAPPY FAMILY, at the very least a happy half family. BUT YOU WALLOW IN YOUR SADNESS, WHINING ABOUT THIS AND THAT, SKIPPING SCHOOL, MAKING ME LOSE MY TEMPER. AND IN THE END IT'S MY FAULT? I DON'T MIND CARRYING THE BLAME, BUT YOU DON'T APPRECIATE A SINGLE SHIT. I COVERED UP FOR YOU SO MUCH, HID SO MUCH FROM MUM & DAD FOR YOU, AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE. KEEP THIS IN YOUR MIND, I DON'T OWE YOU A SINGLE THING. Time and again you broke your promises. When people show you concern you take it for granted. Now I'm sitting here after shouting at Mum. YOU HAPPY NOW? ALL MY LIFE I'VE NEVER CROSSED YOUR PATH INTENTIONALLY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO BELIEVE THERE'S GOOD IN MY LIFE, THAT SOMETHING GREAT, SOMETHING NICE WILL HAPPEN, BUT EVERYTIME ONE OF MY CLOSEST ONES MUST DESTROY ALL THAT I'VE EVER HELD DEAR. GOD, IF YOU WANT ME TO BE A BAD PERSON, JUST TELL ME. I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN YOU, WHY MUST YOU DO THESE THINGS? I'VE NEVER EVEN BLAMED YOU, GOD, UNLIKE MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE, BECAUSE I CAN'T BLAME WHAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW EXISTS. BUT TIME AND AGAIN I GET SHIT THROWN AT ME, TIME AND AGAIN I SIMPLY WASH THESE SHIT OFF. EVEN TILL TODAY, I'VE NEVER ONCE INTENTIONALLY GIVE SHIT TO PEOPLE. THE ONLY TIME I EVER "HARM" PEOPLE IS WHILE HAVING FUN WITH MY FRIENDS, AND THAT'S ALL. MUST I CRY YOU A RIVER SO YOU'LL GIVE ME PEACE? OR MUST I START BELIEVING IN YOU? I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IN THE THINGS I CAN SEE, HOW CAN I BELIEVE IN THE THINGS I CAN'T SEE? TELL ME. ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE WAS A GOOD PERSON, A GOOD SON, A GOOD BOYFRIEND, A GOOD HUSBAND IN FUTURE, BUT EVERYTHING'S BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, ONE AFTER ANOTHER. TIME AND AGAIN I STAND STRONG, HOLD ON, BELIEVING ALL THESE ARE THINGS MEANT TO MADE ME STRONGER. TIME AND AGAIN YOU MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE FOR ME. WHY MUST YOU CONSTANTLY PUSH ME INTO DARKNESS, WHEN ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A LITTLE LIGHT? JUST ENOUGH LIGHT TO LIGHT UP MY FACE. JUST ENOUGH LIGHT TO BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU CALL "GOOD". I ALREADY KNOW I WILL END UP IN HELL, TORTURE ME WHILE I'M THERE, NOT NOW. PLEASE. AND ONE DAY WHEN I FINALLY SEE YOU, IF EVER, I'LL WILLINGLY CARRY ALL THE SINS OF MY LOVED ONES SO THEY CAN GO TO HEAVEN. WHEN THAT TIME COMES, TORTURE ME ALL YOU LIKE. PLEASE LET ME BE HAPPY WITH MY LOVED ONES FOR NOW, BEFORE I'M GONE FROM THEM FOREVER. I'VE ALREADY LOST SOMEONE I LOVE A LOT, PROBABLY THE PERSON I'LL REMEMBER FIRST WHEN I DIE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME COLD TOWARDS MY PARENTS. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE ANYMORE, I ALSO DON'T WANT TO BE HURT UNNECESSARILY ANYMORE. WHY MUST I ALWAYS SHOULDER THE FAULTS OF EVERYONE, YET REMAIN UNAPPRECIATED?

I still remember you... Saying to me on the day we broke up... "Please don't stop yourself from crying. Crying will prolong your life!" It was really cute, the way you said it. =)

20050410

HDK!

First of all, about my previous post, I wanted to go on typing some other stuff for some of my friends and "friends", but had to rush off, thus there's nothing after "For My Friends & "Friends":". Anyway, I'll type it in this post if I feel like it, but firstly, the good things...

Yesterday was Boon Tiong's birthday! Haha. Unfortunately, only Joven and I was present =(. Kelvin had to work, while Hong Wen was on guard duty (for NS). Lol. Boon Tiong's girlfriend was also there, and the four of us somehow managed to have some great fun. We had the regular birthday cake stuff, followed by our usual drinking session.

Boon Tiong was drunk after some Black Cat. Well, we're all short on cash =(. Of course, we also had some Tiger Beer, and whatnots. Kelvin also passed Joven around 1/6th bottle of Chivas before he went for work as well. So we still had plenty to drink. Haha.

Anyway, Boon Tiong was a bit tipsy after 1/4 bottle of Black Cat, and he suggested we play some PS2 games first. In the end, we only played Winning Eleven 8, with Joven winning both of us in every game, and me losing to both of them in every game -_-. Well, the main thing is, we had fun =P.

After that we went back to drinking, playing stupid games to determine who's turn to drink. Boon Tiong was obviously drunk after finishing the Black Cat =X. Anyway, I also got quite tipsy after a while. I think only Jie Ping and Joven were "in the right state of mind". Haha. We ended up fighting, and that stupid Joven kicked my stomach so hard I had to lie on the floor for quite some time. Boon Tiong too. My shoulder area is now bruised. Lol. But it was fun =).

After everything, we went to sleep. Joven and I slept in another room from the rest. Thankfully. From what I know, it seems Boon Tiong vomitted on Jie Ping =X. HAHAHAHA. And she didn't even know it till Boon Tiong's grandmother told her about it. Loving couple =X.

Anyway, I guess that's about it. It was a fun night ^_^.

20050409

^_^ -_- ._.

Once again, I typed out a long post only to have it lost. Damn.

For A Friend:
Hey, I honestly feel you deserve someone better, more understanding. Although I don't exactly know you well, you seem like a nice girl. Well, at least that's the impression I've of you, being classmates with you in Semester 1.1. You've to understand that you don't owe him, or anyone else anything at all. No one owns you. Why are you letting him control your everything? Your freedom, your life, and just about everything else. Come to think of it, you almost seem like you've no friends anymore. A BGR relationship might be important, but it isn't everything. You should already know that, right?

You said he's (over-)protective because he feels all guys are bastards? Well, I won't deny I'm probably one. The thing is, there're people out there, guys or girls alike, who're nice. People who treat you as a friend. Just because a guy is talking to you doesn't mean he wants to lay you. Of course, it might be true at times, but that is for yourself to judge, not him. Have some trust and faith in people, please. Honestly, I feel he's just another person who can't stand up to the realities of this world. Sorry.

Alright, before I talk too much shit, just all the best. Whether you're with him or not, I hope you get things sorted. And smile soon =). If you do cry, let it be tears of happiness =). All the best!

For My Friends & "Friends":

20050407

Jimmy James & Jason Joeuls

I am Jimmy James, and Hilmi is Jason Joeuls. It's known as the curse of the Js. Lol.

Anyway, I think we'll be getting back our results tomorrow, please wish me good luck. I'm prepared to get at least one C already. Sigh =(. Hope everyone's been doing well. Don't fuck around too much, alright? It's bad for health. Excessive sex will lead to exhaustion of your body, and thus you can't work when needed. Thus, don't overuse your tools.

That's all. Go fuck yourself. If you're offended, please learn how to joke. Since I'm SUPPOSED TO BE JOKING ALL THE TIME.

Chris DeBurgh - Lady In Red

I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright
I’ve never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They’re looking for a little romance
Given half a chance
And I’ve never seen that dress you’re wearing
Or that highlights in your hair
That catch your eyes
I have been blind

The lady in red is dancing with me
Cheek to cheek
There’s nobody here
It’s just you and me
It’s where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I’ll never forget the way you look tonight

I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling
Of complete and utter love, as I do tonight

The lady in red is dancing with me
Cheek to cheek
There’s nobody here
It’s just you and me
It’s where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I’ll never forget the way you look tonight

I never will forget the way you look tonight
The lady in red
My lady in red
I love you
Source: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/

20050406

_

I slept at 8pm last night I think, don't really remember much. Woke up at 6am. Haha =). While I was sleeping I think my mother came and talked to me about some family stuffs, don't really want to remember either.

Sometimes you just feel so empty, like energy's being drained out of you. Nothing to hold on on, no one to believe in...

Run away...

20050405

Untitled

I finally slept early! Went to bed at 1am or so just now, only to wake up at 4am. Nevertheless, I managed to force myself back to sleep, till 6am. Haha =P. Just going to write some thoughts here before returning back to sleep. I have to sleep, or else my throat's not going to recover. Lol =).

I think if you really love someone, that person will always remain in your heart for the rest of your live. Doesn't matter if you're currently with another person, or not. The people you've loved or been with will always hold a special place in your heart. There'll always be times you miss them, always be times you ask yourself why things didn't turn out well. Then of course, you'll look on the bright side and think something like, "If she hadn't left me back then I wouldn't be with this current girlfriend." Haha. The main problem faced by some of us is that we can't treasure the past, and move on at the same time. I can't. I'm trying to though.

We usually complain about people changing, and whatnots, myself included. You won't want someone you love to change, right? Everyday you probably hope that she remains the way she is, stays sweet and stuff. But people change, no matter how much you try to stop it. You can't anyway. But then, look a bit on the bright side. I think, because people change, all the more we should treasure them for what they are =). At the very least, when the person is no longer the who he/she was, you can look back and go, "Well, at least there were some sweet moments." The pain will always be there, but then, without sadness what's happiness? Don't be such a weakling and expect good things all the time. Don't be like me.

It's weird when I type stuff I just did. I'm usually writing negative thoughts. Anyway, I'm going to start working out again, after such a long break. I'm losing muscles and gaining fats =(. Have to start going swimming and going to the beach again. I've to get tanned somehow, because I'm seriously fair now -_-. Anyway, good luck to all my TP friends who'll be receiving their results on April 9th. To Dian, send me the pictures damn it =P.

Bryan Adams - Straight From The Heart
I could start dreamin' but it'd never end
As long as you're gone we may as well pretend
I've been dreamin'
Straight from the heart

You said it's easy but who's to say
That we'd be able to keep it this way
But it's easier
Comin' straight from the heart

Give it to me straight from the heart
Tell me we can make another start
You know I'll never go - as long as I know
It's comin' straight from the heart

I'll see you on the street some other time
And all our words would just fall outta line
While we're dreamin'
Straight from the heart

Give it to me straight from the heart
Tell me we can make one more start
You know I'll never go - as long as I know
It's comin' straight from the heart
Source: http://www.123lyrics.net/

20050403

Random Rant

You're but a bitch living within your world, reassured by your own arrogance. You're pitiful, really. In spite of what you say IN YOUR BLOG, your "paradise", your escape, you've probably never been fucked. You've a cunt, and a pair of real boobs? Sure. Other than your own hands, who else has touched them? Stop trying to be someone you aren't. To claim you grow up on the media is downright stupid. To be proud of it is even worse. All these just to get people to read your blog? Fucking bitch.

Look, I wish you get raped on your date with a guy who lacks the conscience, I wish someone could teach you a lesson. I wish you can disappear from this world. You're a nuisance. There're bitches out there who truly enjoy fucking, and getting fucked. But you're a fucking poser. You're in the middle of nowhere. A fucked-up school girl trying to be someone she isn't, thinking it's cool and whatnots. You know what? Go get laid and upgrade yourself to a whore.

I long for the day your parents/relatives stumble across your blog, and see what a good daughter they've raised. You'll probably end up in a corner of your room and cry. I want to believe everyone has a good heart deep within, but people like you completely screw up my beliefs. I assure you this, if ever I can completely forget about the ones I love, if ever I can throw away my conscience, you won't be just fucked. It'll be more, it'll be interesting. Oh wait, it's cool, isn't it? So you probably won't mind anyway.

You speak like you're some sort of Sex Goddess, but the truth is you're just another ant in this world, another speck of dust in this universe. Talking all big and mighty when you don't even know yourself. You're the type that tries to seduce guys, only to claim you're "raped" when you're FINALLY fucked. Miss Slut wannabe =).

Self

YC: "Sometimes I think it's really hard to trust people =(."

"Friend": "Yeah, I understand."
Real Meaning: "LOL. Loser."

YC: "Yeah... You know, you put so much trust in someone, and that person simply betrays you."

"Friend": "Yeah..."
Real Meaning: "I don't really care. Why are you wasting my time?"

Alright, I'm lazy to go on.

Anyway, I went to China Black with Jeremy, Maclean, Raj, Roy, Rayhan, and Gregory yesterday. Kelvin was working there yesterday, and he really helped us =). Thanks ^^. Won't elaborate on what happened during there, because nothing actually happened. Reached home around 7am, then slept all the way till 9.30pm. Boon Tiong woke me up, actually. Went over to his house after that, and only Boon Tiong and Joven was there. Kelvin's busy working, and I don't know where Hong Wen went to. Lol. After the "usual" stuff, we stayed back and talked about some things, before I went home. Reached home around 2.30am. It's meeting up and talking to them after so long. Ok, not so long, but close to a month. I really feel bad about not being able to meet them sometimes. It's not like I don't want to =(. Due to the way certain things are, I usually spend my entire Saturday and Sunday sleeping. Sigh. Moreover, I haven't been feeling very healthy recently. Damn. Even my body's failing me.

Anyway, meeting up with your old friends is a really nice feeling. Puts me back into place. I've been feeling lost recently. Haha. Since when am I not lost?

Unfortunately, when I try talking to some of my friends, they think I'm joking, or that I'm trying to remind them of their own problems. This isn't targetted at anyone in particular =). Well, can't blame them, since I tend to joke at the wrong times, and also, I usually spend more time insulting people than praising them. To me, I do it for the fun of it, although I might go overboard from time to time. However, to others, they see it as a direct insult. Well, I already made up my mind not to joke too much, if at all, anymore. People will always remember you for the negative things you've done. How many times have someone actually appreciated you for something you did? Most people will remember how insulting I am while cracking a joke, few will remember the joke itself =).

The thing is, I don't live to entertain any of you. I crack jokes so I can see everything laughing, smiling, and getting along. Things are already bad as they are. School is stressful for all of us, and I know that. For me, too. But what do I hear when I tell others that? "Well, you're worrying about getting an A. We're worrying about passing." Once again, I can't fault them. We've different ideals, different dreams, and aims. For me, if I anything below an A, I'll be failing my dreams. Letting myself down. You seriously think I like studying? I wish I could just live a happy life, not giving a damn if I get an A or a F. It would be so nice, so carefree. I would be free. I would have complete freedom. I don't even know what freedom is like. I'm always bounded by something. I think, being free means pursuing your dreams happily. Your real dreams. But I can't really do that anymore =), because of certain personal issues/commitments/promises.

I really don't feel like blogging recently, unless I'm really bored. Good night.

20050401

Effects Of Boredom

I was looking around my room, when I found this:

Bunny Original

Since I was bored, I decided to sketch/copy that out:

Bunny Sketch

Then I gave it some basic colouring:

Bunny Colour

As you can see, I suck at art. Completely =(. But it was fun for 5 minutes or so =).

Weird Dreams

The day before, well, actually 2 days before, on May 30, I had this really weird dream. Somehow I got to know a few, three I think, people who were sentenced to death. They were also tortured, with their tongues cut off, and whatnots. Although it wasn't a pleasant sight, I was somehow not afraid. No idea why. I think I was the prison warden or something, but that isn't important. Anyway, I knew them, and found out that they didn't really commit any crime serious enough to be sentenced to death. I became friends with them, and when the time came for one of them to be gone, I cried. In my dreams. I don't know what that dream was for, but I can more or less understand something from it. In this world, those people with the power have the say. The world was never fair to begin with. So yeah... Being misunderstood, not having the power to change anything, not having any say in anything... I can understand that feeling. I think the prisoners felt that way. Normally, I don't blog about my dreams, because I dream almost everyday, and I remember almost all of them. But this one was different. It was very vivid, it felt so real. When I woke up, I felt as though I was pulled from another dimension back to this. Anyway, I can only remember up to the point I cried, nothing after that.

I guess that's about it for the first weird dream. Now on to the second one. I was taking a nap just now (yesterday), on May 31, at 8pm or so. Anyway, I woke up at 12am. The thing is, I had a really sweet dream. It's been a long time since I've had sweet dreams. There was this beautiful girl in my dream, and somehow she's going overseas, and I'm her friend. Lol? So we were in 7-Eleven, buying the (redundant) snacks and drinks that she might be needing. Which 7-Eleven? The one in Pasir Ris Central, near my old house =). So yeah. I can't really remember what happened after that, but it was a sweet dream anyway. But yeah, dreams are just dreams =). You can make some dreams come true with your own hands, but there're some that will never come true, no matter what you do.

I called my ex-girlfriend yesterday, telling her I want to meet her next week to get something back. Well, it's something really important to me. Haha. Some small card with my face on it. Why is it important? Well, I had that small card with me since I was 5 or something, and it's precious because it's related to my family =). Anyway, she's doing well, so yeah =).

Well, I've been spending my time sleeping recently. Mainly because I'm really tired. My sleep debt is probably more than one month =P. Another reason is because I've nothing to do when I'm awake. Alright, I've to prepare for my SIP, study this and that, but that's about it. No entertainment, no nothing. I started playing Winning Eleven 8 only yesterday, but I'm already bored. It's a good game, I'm the one that's the problem. Previously, I spent the lonely nights with D4H, which means Dian, Asheeq and Hilmi respectively. But Dian has gone overseas for his SIP, while Hilmi is SLEEPING AT 10pm or 11pm every night, because he too, has SIP =(. Asheeq spends his time clubbing =P. So I'm all alone. I can't go out, due to the lack of money. I can't work, thanks to my SIP. In a way, my SIP has already started, so yeah. I hate going out and needing to borrow money for this and that. I can't ask for money from my mother this week, due to my insanely high phone bill last month. It's $100+ =(. I know it's nothing to some of you, but for me it's something. My mother is already working hard to provide for me, so yeah. On the other hand, I can possibly ask my father for it, but he probably needs the money for himself too. So I'm literally rotting at home. I don't even work out. Why? Because I'm damn tired, and I've no money to eat the necessary amount of food to work out =(.

Anyway, other than sleeping or doing nothing, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection, but the water is muddy. I can't see myself. But it's clearing up a little, I guess. You know, it's really nice to have someone whom you love by your side, loving you, and yeah. Hugging you, whatnots. But for someone like me, fat hope! Hahahaha =). The people I love will usually not love me. But the people I dislike/hate, will always dislike/hate me! Lol =). Well, before I sound too soft/emotional/wussy/pussy-like/weak/loser, to those who are single, you seriously should try getting attached =). It's a nice feeling. To be honest, I can't believe it when people say "I'm enjoying singlehood." I mean, what the hell. Isn't having someone else there to share your dreams a much nicer feeling? I think I've said that sentence myself before, but I was probably just running away. It's true, when you're single, you're "free", you can fool around, jackass others, sleep around (if that's your purpose), and whatnots. You can cut down on your phone bills, and you don't have to report your every single action to him/her. But do you even know what freedom is like? To begin with, if you really love someone, you shouldn't be thinking of any of the above.

Being attached is indeed expensive, and troublesome at times. If you're a guy, you'll probably spend a lot on her. Not just on gifts, but on transport. You'll start taking cabs, and stop taking MRTs and buses. You'll start spending more on her than yourself. And when it's your friend's birthday, you'll probably have to borrow money from another friend. Well, this only applies to people like me, and most of my friends. We aren't rich or well-off enough to support anyone other than ourselves, so yeah. But even for the rich ones, you'll start spending a lot of time with that special someone, and time is money ^_^. On the other hand, if you're a girl, you'll probably start learning weird stuff like sewing, making cookies, making this, making that, and whatnots. Maybe you'll start wearing sexier stuff. All these, to please that special someone. Of course, conflicts are bound to happen. Wear too little, and he's going to get angry. Lol. But all these are fun, aren't they? I think it's really fun =).

When you get home from a really tiring day, a call from him/her will probably cheer you up immediately. When the two of you are out and having nothing to do, even going to the supermarket, and pretending to be a married couple, is fun.

Well, well. I guess I'd better stop, before I become too soft/emotional/wussy/pussy-like/weak/loser. Haha =). Good night everyone =).

Simply Red - Stars
Anyone who ever held you
Would tell you the way I’m feeling
Anyone who ever wanted you
Would try to tell you what I feel inside
The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain’t faking
The only one you ever thought about
Wait a minute can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend

For the man who tried to hurt you
He’s explaining the way I’m feeling
For all the jealousy I caused you
States the reason why I’m trying to hide
As for all the things you taught me
It sends my future into clearer dimensions
You’ll never know how much you hurt me
Stay a minute can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend

Too many hearts are broken
A lover’s promise never came with a maybe
So many words are left unspoken
The silent voices are driving me crazy
As for all the pain you caused me
Making up could never be your intention
You’ll never know how much you hurt me
Stay can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend
Source: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/