20050425

Long Post Part II

hello everyone, here i am again. i'm currently working, at the helpdesk as usual. got some bad calls already. haha. today there was this pregnant lady on the mrt, and not a single soul offered her a seat. i was standing, so i couldn't do shit. damn. you know people are really selfish sometimes. self-conscious too. i do know one of the reasons why people don't offer their seats is because they're afraid of the attention they'll get. for fuck's sake be yourself. it's quite sad, really.

i titled this "Long Post Part II" mainly because i'll probably be blogging from now till i end work, which is around 5.30pm, and now's only 9.45am. secondly, i didn't exactly type everything i wanted to in the previous post, but then again, i never do. haha. i'm currently on phone with this person who's quite easy to talk to, and he's currently backing up his stuff. got to stop typing once he's done, at least temporarily.

i think it's nice to help people, when you help others you feel happy, and most of the time you'll help yourself. moreover it helps your karma, if you believe in it. it's actually pretty nice to work here. i don't know much about working life, but i'm thankful for a rather nice working environment. my supervisor doesn't use his authority at all, and most of my colleagues are really friendly. moreover, i'm using this computer which actually has a tv tuner card built in, so i can watch tv when i've nothing to do. i spend most of my time listening to the songs on my mp3 player though. of course i have to listen at a reasonable volume.

however, helpdesk isn't as fun as the previous area i worked in. testing computers for a certain organisation. it was much more fun as it's basically my interest. but yeah, helpdesk is still ok. the pay is good, overtime is good too. $8 an hour, $12 for overtime. quite good. hehe. thanks to chin ming who introduced me and a couple of friends to this job. based on my calculations with h last night, i should be able to earn around $800, hopefully. as such, i've come up with a list of things to buy:

shoes & sneakers - $100
bag - $30
wallet - $60
hauppauge wintv pvr 150 - $170

so roughly $400 is gone. fuck. but at least i'm buying it with my own money, and i'm happy. lol. i think i'm really easily contented. well, when it comes to certain things anyway. h is probably going to spend a $300 or so too to get an mp3 player, shoes, bag, hard disk, and some memory. damn, it's been a long time since i bought something for myself. yay. my life seems fun, after such a long time. well, in a way. one of the things i've learned is never to expect people to respect you, whether they're older or younger than you, whether you've helped them or harmed them, whatever. instead, command respect. also, don't expect people to appreciate you even if you gave up your free time or whatever, and helped them with their project. you won't get it. probably one out of twenty will appreciate you. instead of whining, just take it as self-improvement. well, it's self-consolation, but there's still a little truth in it.

let's see, i was talking about dreams yesterday... well, my dreams are turning into nightmares. lol. if you've read the manga berserk before, there's this really nice quote that goes something like "a true friend does not only share your dreams, but has his own dreams as well. moreover, he'll pursue it at all costs." it's quite true actually. however, in that manga, the amount of respect the characters have for one another is immense, unlike this world. the number of friends i have that i truly respect, and respect me, is countable with my fingers. i'm not too sure if i've to use my toes. lol. ok back to topic, dreams. so what are your dreams? will you achieve it at the cost of destroying someone else's?

yesterday my mother told me something nice, it went like "there're people out there working for luxury, but i am working to survive." it's true. some people are already rich enough to do most things, yet they go on working stupidly. for materials. there's this book written by a local author titled "the invisible trade". it's actually about social escorts, and it's a nice book actually. most of the social escorts working here are actually holding rather high positions in office. well, the book might be exaggerating, but i'm sure there's some truth in it. it's a pretty interesting book, talking about everything from bdsm to gay social escorts. some "stories" are quite funny. things like this businessman requestion the social escort to pee or shit on his face. they're named "golden shower" and "brown shower" respectively. weird fetishes.

in another hour or so i'm going for lunch. i need lunch. i slept close to 4am last night thanks to h. we were watching some amazing videos. amazing stunts and tricks. no, it's not porn. it's team ryouko. www.teamryouko.com. on a side note, i don't share porn. lol. so basically i slept at 4am and woke up at 6.30am. and the main thing i'm trying to say is i'm damn tired now. to add to that, i worked out last evening. and my body's really aching now. fuck, i need it. i mean, i need rest.

lately i've been thinking if i really should bother about some friends. you know, there's this saying that goes something like "never offer help unless asked", and i think it's really true. there're some people i honestly care about, but i'm often misunderstood. well, not like i can help them much anyway. it's like i just want to be a listening ear to them, but i'm considered a nuisance. weird. it's not like i go "yo what are you problems?", "come on tell me i'll listen.", "bitch you listening? tell me what's wrong!" in fact i only say "hey if there's something wrong i'll listen." but i don't even get a reply! or i'll be stopped in my tracks with a simple "hey i'm busy now sms you later." but you know, i know, we all know, the sms that's supposed to come later never comes. if you don't know by now, i'm referring to my female friends. male friends are much easier. "you're sad? never mind la, let's go drink tonight." or something like that. or "come let's play cs." and at the end of the day/night, we'll either be dead drunk, or laughing our asses off due to the game or whatever we're enjoying.

but you know, whatever you're enjoying, it'll probably be much nicer if someone special was there. unless you're out having sex, or making love if you prefer to call it that, with another person. lol. then again, a threesome isn't exactly a bad idea. ok, just joking, but i know you're offended. don't fucking give me bullshit like "i love singlehood." and shit. just admit, either your partner was a lousy boyfriend/girlfriend, you were a lousy girlfriend/boyfriend, or both of you were lousy, or things just didn't work out, or you are just running away from your problems.

anyway, to a certain someone, good luck for your upcoming examinations =).

a tear drops, but you don't know why...

i was telling h how nice it would be if i was attached right now. let's say i bought the tv tuner card, i would be excitedly telling my girlfriend how fun it is, even if she's a computer idiot. or if i bought the shoes, i would be wearing it and asking her, and joking around. you know, all the fun stuff. and then stupidly hit her, or something. anyway it's just a dream. i can't make a girl come into my life can i? like how? "god, please make a girl ask for my number on the streets today." or something? lol. sorry ^^.

a tear drops, but you don't know why
it's been a while since you last cried

fuck it. i'm having a writer's block. well i'm no writer, i'm a whiner. haha.

ok, i've decided. i'll write a part iii after my lunch if i feel like writing one. for now, it's the end, i guess. no idea what to write. and my lunch's at 12.30pm. just 15 minutes more.

don't worry be happy.

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