20050403

Self

YC: "Sometimes I think it's really hard to trust people =(."

"Friend": "Yeah, I understand."
Real Meaning: "LOL. Loser."

YC: "Yeah... You know, you put so much trust in someone, and that person simply betrays you."

"Friend": "Yeah..."
Real Meaning: "I don't really care. Why are you wasting my time?"

Alright, I'm lazy to go on.

Anyway, I went to China Black with Jeremy, Maclean, Raj, Roy, Rayhan, and Gregory yesterday. Kelvin was working there yesterday, and he really helped us =). Thanks ^^. Won't elaborate on what happened during there, because nothing actually happened. Reached home around 7am, then slept all the way till 9.30pm. Boon Tiong woke me up, actually. Went over to his house after that, and only Boon Tiong and Joven was there. Kelvin's busy working, and I don't know where Hong Wen went to. Lol. After the "usual" stuff, we stayed back and talked about some things, before I went home. Reached home around 2.30am. It's meeting up and talking to them after so long. Ok, not so long, but close to a month. I really feel bad about not being able to meet them sometimes. It's not like I don't want to =(. Due to the way certain things are, I usually spend my entire Saturday and Sunday sleeping. Sigh. Moreover, I haven't been feeling very healthy recently. Damn. Even my body's failing me.

Anyway, meeting up with your old friends is a really nice feeling. Puts me back into place. I've been feeling lost recently. Haha. Since when am I not lost?

Unfortunately, when I try talking to some of my friends, they think I'm joking, or that I'm trying to remind them of their own problems. This isn't targetted at anyone in particular =). Well, can't blame them, since I tend to joke at the wrong times, and also, I usually spend more time insulting people than praising them. To me, I do it for the fun of it, although I might go overboard from time to time. However, to others, they see it as a direct insult. Well, I already made up my mind not to joke too much, if at all, anymore. People will always remember you for the negative things you've done. How many times have someone actually appreciated you for something you did? Most people will remember how insulting I am while cracking a joke, few will remember the joke itself =).

The thing is, I don't live to entertain any of you. I crack jokes so I can see everything laughing, smiling, and getting along. Things are already bad as they are. School is stressful for all of us, and I know that. For me, too. But what do I hear when I tell others that? "Well, you're worrying about getting an A. We're worrying about passing." Once again, I can't fault them. We've different ideals, different dreams, and aims. For me, if I anything below an A, I'll be failing my dreams. Letting myself down. You seriously think I like studying? I wish I could just live a happy life, not giving a damn if I get an A or a F. It would be so nice, so carefree. I would be free. I would have complete freedom. I don't even know what freedom is like. I'm always bounded by something. I think, being free means pursuing your dreams happily. Your real dreams. But I can't really do that anymore =), because of certain personal issues/commitments/promises.

I really don't feel like blogging recently, unless I'm really bored. Good night.

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