20050417

Laugh

This life of mine is pathetic right now, I've given up on nearly everything. The only thing holding me back, keeping me sane are some of my close friends. People never try to understand what they can't understand, they simply start fearing, hating, or ignoring it. I know you've your problems too, but don't take it out on me. I know you care a lot for us, but have you ever once tried to understand me? I'll tell you, what I intend to do. I'll get rich, for sure. Sure, some of you are laughing now, go on. I'll get rich and then get rid of some of my relatives. Two uncles, to be exact. One from each side.

I don't do the dishes, I don't cook, I don't watch TV with any of you, I don't spend much time talking to any of you. Yes, I hate myself for that. But what I am today, is thanks to everything that started around 3 or 4 years ago. I'm not blaming you, but please, try to understand. I'm still just a kid. I still get happy when I do well. Do I even ask anything from you? Yet, everytime something happens, I take all the shit from you all. Sister, mother, father. I don't even know what's happening most of the time. You tell me not to concern myself with all these, yet you're blaming it all on me.

To my sister, please be a good girl, and I'll be happy. Mum and Dad are really trying very hard. It's you, who's blind. You don't see what others have done for you. You only see the scoldings, the shoutings, the anger. Look at yourself. You don't even have your priorities right in life. All the talk, all the promises, but where's the action? Have you ever cried for someone else, other than yourself? Have I ever once compared my results to yours? Do you even try? Stop living your life with excuses. Please.

I'm not as emotionless as I seem to be to all of you. Can I even show it when I'm sad? =)

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