Every day is a struggle between who I really am, who I think I am, and who I think I should be.
There are times I know clearly what's right and wrong, yet I still end up doing otherwise. I hate myself for succumbing to social pressure sometimes, yet I know that it is impossible to fully be myself all the time. That's probably one of my greatest weaknesses.
I long for the day I can just blank people I honestly don't give a damn about, and not wonder if I had just done something wrong. I long for the day I can do a good deed without worrying if others think I've an ulterior motive. Similarly, I'd really like it if I could just help others without wondering if they are simply just using me as a tool. Yes, I know the world doesn't revolve around me. Yet I can't deny that people are not as nice as I would like to believe. Every single day I see people using others and being made used of, the cycle goes on. I guess that's the way life is.
I'm getting increasingly irritated by some people. People who judge you as though they know all about you, people who constantly like to compare themselves against you, people who seem to take pride in condescending you, the list goes on. I love competition. Without it, how can we progress? I love fair and open competition, and that is why I never hide my aims and goals. Maybe that is wrong in this society, whereby everyone acts really nice and humble, but deep down inside them, they're probably rotten to the core, filled with schemes of their own.
And for that, I am thankful for the few groups of friends I've come to regard as brothers. Friends who've been through everything together. Not the kind of bonding I see so often in school. The kind of "Hall Life Rocks", "School Life Rocks", etc. bonding, where everything is so cheer, so colorful, and so fake.
P.S: I miss my double ace! =) And I wrote this post because I was trying to kill some time, nothing more ^^.