Hello?

Hello all, been a while. Life’s been quite hectic. I spent the whole of last week trying to finish my diet analysis assignment for one of my modules (GEK1529). The scope/requirements were very vague, and I’ve no idea how much info I should include or not include. Well, in the end I just decided to include as much as I can. I’ve to admit it was a pretty interesting experience. I spent countless hours in the NUS Science Library (first time there!), looking through tables after tables of food composition. On the darker side, I’m behind schedule for almost all my modules now. My time management skills are simply top-notch.

On a brighter note, I decided to finish the next assignment for the module as well, so I can probably ignore this module for a while. Also, it seems most of my assignments are done (ahead of deadline). In fact I think all of them are done, just need to finish up the report, which should not take too long. *hopes someone in the group will do it so i can relax*

Anyway, I watched Funny People yesterday, not a bad show, but not awesome either. Watch it if you’ve a lot of time (it’s 2.5hours). It’s meaningful, but draggy. Also, THIS IS THE SHORTEST WEEKEND I HAVE WITH GERI :(. Ah, well. She got her Doo Doo Milk Biscuit though, lol :D.

I can’t wait for this semester to be over, it feels like the worst one ever (since poly). Lack of focus, lack of results, lack of everything. I don’t even feel like studying. I’d rather spend everyday coding, doing assignments, meeting deadlines, than to revise. They seem to repel me somehow, the lecture notes and the textbooks (and honestly, some of the lecturers too). We need good lecturers, good teachers, not good researchers :(.

I seem to have lost my confidence completely, when it comes to studies. I keep telling myself, I’ll change everything when this semester ends. The fact is, I should just do it now. So stop f-ing around, Mr Wysie :D.

I FEEL MOTIVATED SUDDENLY! (Only for now)

Good night all!

You think you’re on the right track, that you’re focused, then you realised you’ve been using the wrong map all along. What next?

I seriously need to reconsider my priorities but life moves at a pace far too quickly for me to catch up. Time to change lanes I guess. Time to let go.

At times I wish I was better-natured. I hate it when I lose or get close to losing my temper.

But oh well, life’s just a joke sometimes. A big joke. Sometimes I think it’s true that a leopard cannot change its spots.

I read that the purpose of life is a life of purpose, but I’m unable to define “purpose”. I never seem to be contented, despite some of my achievements. I don’t seem to appreciate many things. It’s like there’s never enough. I feel like skipping school tomorrow.

Ah, screw it :).

The truth is I love conflicts. I think conflicts promote progress. Too bad I often find myself avoiding them as well. For some reason I don’t know. Acting nice, maybe.

(Proper) Update

I haven’t really posted for a while, so here’s one. I’m having my first paper on April 28, followed by another on April 29. My third paper’s on May 2. Fourth paper’s on May 4, and my last paper’s on May 5. Challenging!

I hate the way it’s scheduled though. Due to my paper on May 2, I won’t be able to accompany Geri for her cousin’s wedding on May 1, which really sucks, considering she has been looking forward to it so much, and I’ve tailored a shirt for that event as well. Well =(. Honestly, it’s all about priorities, but sometimes I really don’t have much of a choice.

Also, Geri’s bestie, Chrystal, will probably be giving birth sometime around that period. Hopefully I’ll have a little free time.

On to another topic, I seriously dislike some taxi drivers. I often hear them complaining, that when the price doesn’t drop they’re also losing business, etc. etc. It’s all bullshit. Honestly, I don’t care whether you’re making as much money as you’d like, but for **** sake do your job well.

About 2 weeks ago Geri had a bad case of hyperventilation. Yes, it’s just hyperventilation, some people might say, but at that point in time I was really worried that it had something to do with the heart. Of course, many taxis just drove by. Yes, I know, how are they supposed to know it was an emergency? But that’s not the main point. The main point is they do not stop. They only want passengers during peak hours, and they complain they don’t have enough passengers.

Just 3 days ago, I shared a cab with Chin Ming, Jeremy, and of course, Geri. The taxi driver sucks. He wanted us to get down initially as he said he was rushing for time. So we said, “Ok.” As we were getting down he asked where we were going. We told him the 4 places (one for each of us) to take us to, and he said “Ok”. Throughout the journey he was unhappy. Apparently, after we all left, except for Chin Ming, the bloody driver complained to his friend over the phone that we’re wasting his time. For **** sake, don’t do it with a customer in your car.

Of course, the list goes on. A search in Google will result in many more stories. Also, I’m just generalizing, and I know there’re some really nice taxi drivers, but they are rare.

So, stop complaining, just drive, and do your job with a smile. Asshole(s).

Last but not least, I will be missing my Geri and friends and family during these 2 weeks or so very much =(. And the previous post is dedicated to Geri. I’m sure you already know that love =).

Update =)

I had a good weekend with the perfect girlfriend =). It’s magical, how 3 years and 8 months down the road, it still feels like our first date every single time I meet her. Our relationship feels like a honeymoon that never ends =P. I love you Geri!

I love and enjoy the fact that we talk about almost everything =)!

On another note, it’s amusing and saddening when you talk to an old friend/acquaintance/enemy/classmate/whatever and he or she says stuff like, “You’ve changed.” You know what? If I did, where were you when I was facing all the shit and had to change as a result? Even more irritating are people who have betrayed you coming to talk to you as though nothing ever happened. I feel like a hypocrite talking to them, seriously. I resolve to have the strength to blank these people in future.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting, too much in fact, and I think it’s a waste of time. I look back at my secondary school and polytechnic days, at all my “friends” who conveniently left me when I was truly down. Yet, through these years, I never really blamed them. After all, I wasn’t strong enough. It’s only now that I truly dislike them. Why? Because it’s sad how they come and talk to you like nothing ever happened. Or even worse, they don’t talk to you. They only ask you questions when they need help. Friends?

I remember I used to have a couple of good friends from primary school. We went on to the same secondary school together, and of course, made a whole new lot of friends, and all of us used to be close together. Old friends and new friends alike. Then I started mixing with “bad company”, whom till today, are one of my closest friends, my HDKs. Bad company my ass. At least they are true as friends. What about the whole lot of friends? Well, I’ve no idea till today. For some reason I was outcasted. Rumours are a powerful thing. It’s sad because I thought you all were friends. Obviously I was wrong.

I’m not saying any of these with any grudges. It’s just interesting when I look back at everything that I’ve been through, at who are the people who’ve stood by me, and who are those that did not. After all, without sadness, what is happiness?

And for that reason alone, I am very thankful for some of the friends I have right now. You know who you are. If you’re doubtful then you probably aren’t one of them =). Friends have no need for doubts.

On yet another note, this semester has been going pretty well for me so far. I’m thankful, shall not complain too much =).

Have a good day people =).

All The Best Raj! =)

Raj has left for Australia for his studies, and the next time we see him we probably be in November/December (if we all save enough money each).

It’s going to feel weird from now on every Friday and Saturday =(. We’ll definitely miss you my friend =).

On another note, a couple of things have happened, and a few decisions have been made. Please do not judge and expect everyone to be like you, or agree with your principles. If you are a friend you would NOT be like this.

That’s also precisely why, so many years on, some of us are still amazingly close, but some of you have drifted away. I may not always agree with what you do, in fact, I’ll outright comment on it. However, I will never treat you with any contempt because of that, because friends NEVER do that. Friends stand by one another, regardless of beliefs and principles. Friends will listen, and enjoy one another’s company, despite the very different paths every one of us is walking.

Know where you stand, before you comment. Really. I’m surprised at what you said. Sadly, the person(s) I’m referring to will not even realize it. That’s really the saddest part of all.

No longer will I try to be a pacifist, because if I really were one, I wouldn’t have felt the anger. I really feel stupid for standing up for you when others were against you. Seriously.

With that said, I also realise that throughout these years there have been amazing friends who’ve stood by me, despite all of our busy schedule, and Raj, you’re definitely one of them (although I don’t agree with your ego 95% of the time). All the best, my friend! =)

To all those in the service industry, if you don’t want to lose your job, do you job with a SMILE.

Twilight (Just My Opinion)

Just had to do this. I think this is the worst movie I've watched in a long time. Seriously. I'd rather watch some lame "Date Movie", or something. I didn't really read the book, couldn't force myself to go on reading after the introduction.

Anyway, the movie was horrible. I didn't like the acting, it was so lame. The "love" between Edward and Bella is simply too amazing for my liking. Bella has the "I need you inside me right now" look everytime she looks at Edward, and seriously, it's really stupid to have a family whereby everyone is OBVIOUSLY PALER THAN USUAL, and not have anyone suspect anything.

Taken from Wikipedia:

Meyer says that her vampire mythology differs from that of other authors because she wasn't informed about the canon vampires, saying, "It wasn't until I knew that Twilight would be published that I began to think about whether my vampires were too much the same or too much different from the others. Of course, I was far too invested in my characters at that point to be making changes... so I didn't cut out fangs and coffins and so forth as a way to distinguish my vampires; that's just how they came to me."

I think that's such a big lie. EVERYONE KNOWS VAMPIRES HAVE FANGS AND HAVE A WEAKNESS TO SUNLIGHT. It's so obvious she made her vampires different from others on purpose. Even my cousins (who are like 5 or 6 years old) know vampires have fangs. They've skin that glitter/whatever in the sunlight? Seriously, what kind of crap is that?

I don't even want to comment on the character development, which is non-existent. The love between them? Seriously, what love? I don't mind fantasy/fairy tales, but this show failed miserably at it.

I can't believe this is a show that some people squeal over (YES, guys too what the hell).

So what did I like about this show? The fighting at the end, because there finally was some action, and more importantly, because I can't wait to get out of the cinema.

Worst show I've watched in the past 2+ years (at least). Horribly unbelievable (even as a fantasy) crap. I can't believe on the movie posters they actually said it's the most epic love story since Titanic.

Twilight fans, don't get offended, it's just my opinion. I'm not offended when I see you all squealing and saying retarded things in public like,

"Love should be intense like this."

"Love at first sight should be like this."

"Characters like this are so hard to find in real life."

It's quite cute to see the dreams you all have. Unfortunately for myself, I don't live in such an unbelievable dream world.

Which I'm actually thankful for.

On another note, I'm a big fan of vampires/werewolves movies, but Twilight is definitely out of the list.

Smile!

Dedicated to all my loved ones =).

Sometimes in life you just feel happy, yet confused at the same time, and that is precisely what I'm feeling now. I'm precisely feeling confused, lol. (And no, not Geri, I'm always sure of her =P.)

Anyway, it's kinda cute when your Dad (who's quite computer illiterate) tries to video chat with you on MSN. Haha I love my parents =). Sometimes my Mum will lose her temper because I lose my temper at her for being a real computer newbie, but well, it's always funny when I think about it. I've come to appreciate how wonderful my parents are =).

When everything is done and over, some people will be smiling in the background, although their own wishes might not have been fulfilled, they're nonetheless happy for their friends who have fulfilled theirs. Sadly, some people accept that it's their fate to forever remain in the background. I say, go forward, go and take what is rightfully yours. Happiness is rightfully everyone's. Reach out your hand and grab it. Do you seriously think your friends are all blind people who can't see your sadness? They might not always be able to read you, but true friends are always able to sense that little bit of something that is not right. I'll always be wishing for your happiness.

One more thing, some mistakes can happen over and over again, but there're opportunities that only happen once in your life. How do you know when those opportunities come along? I don't know, either, but I know I've taken some risks before, only to regret. But the ones that I've taken and NOT regret, they're priceless. Sometimes I think these things make life worth living that much more. Words can't describe how thankul and grateful I am for some of these risks that worked out.

I've been doing some self-reflection recently, and I think I like what I see in the mirror. LOL. Alright, seriously, I have. I was on some website the other day, I think it was the Art Of Manliness, and in one of their articles there was a paragraph that said something like, "People nowadays are so busy finding themselves, that they've no time to commit to anyone else." These words jumped right at me. Now I realise why. Perhaps a life is only worth living if it's for the sake of others (BUT ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN DREAMS!) Like, for your family, for your friends, for the love (of your life), etc. That way, there's always something to be happy about. Of course, pessimists will say there's always something to be sad about. It's your choice, really. Being happy would not help you achieve anything, neither will being sad. But by being happy you can do things on a more positive note, and maybe, somebody may just fall in love with your smile. Or some close friend might just feel happier because of you. Or, whatever. You get the message.

With that being said, I still find it a constant challenge to smile sometimes. Although most people will think I'm always joking and all, those who're really close to me will know I'm quite far from that actually. I guess we're all hypocrites sometimes. Anyway, I'm not going to let lame and stupid things bother me anymore. Whining doesn't solve any problems at all, although I enjoy whining to, and listening to Geri's whinings sometimes, just for the fun of it. Being with her is simply awesome =).

Perhaps 2 years in army, and the sudden transition to university has made me a rather indifferent person (when it comes to school and social life in general), I don't really care. What I do care, and am affected by, is that sometimes I tend to let these things affect me personally, which in turn affects my loved ones. And that is not going to happen anymore, hopefully.

Again, wishlist, to-do list, whatever, after my exams:

• Work out
• Catch up with the dearest people to me
• Take Geri to some place she really wants to go (at least one of them)
• Stop being so lazy
• Be a better person
• Smile more often

You know what's the best part? I'm actually smiling while typing this entire post. Maybe something in me has changed. Smile, as in, really, smile from your heart, because there's always something worth smiling for. Definitely. There has to be. Screw the facade.

This Is A F*cking Post

Maybe I should just stop joking around so much so you can see who I really am inside. The jokes are meant to be a facade, because I don't want to take life so seriously. It always brings a smile to my face when I see people laugh, and I think it's better to be known as a fool sometimes. But it really sucks when the people you're close to can't tell if you're joking or not, and it's f*cking pissing me off to no end.

This has happened numerous times already, maybe it's me after all. How can I be my serious self knowing it'd not being any smile to the people I love and care about?

I am f*cking irritated right now. It takes a lot to irritate me to this extent, because only the people I put in high regard can do that. And that's also why it sucks so much. F*ck. Really.

On another note, when I'm feeling negative emotions I tend to see things clearer, write better, and study better. So, I've decided on what to do this coming December:

• Work out like f*ck.
• Catch up with some people whom I REALLY miss but don't talk about, like Boon Tiong's mum, my HDKs, and my Dad and sister.
• Spend more time at home with my mother.
• Beg/Borrow/Steal a car to drive around. I love driving around at night and doing nothing else.

And from now till 27th I'm going to study very hard. I'm seriously pissed off with many things right now, and something just had to make me snap, although I know it's not really anyone's fault.

I think in this world there're people who need to feel negative emotions to move on, and I know some of my friends are like that. I also know that I was one of them, and recently I realised maybe I'm still one of them. It's due to conditioning. I love all things dark.

On another note, I'm happy that things sort of worked out. Somehow.

I need to buy a damn punching bag soon, I probably need anger management. I haven't felt so agitated in a while. I think the lack of sleep pisses me off. Then again, it's nice to work out right after you wake up. It makes you energetic.

You know what, I think I'm becoming increasingly distant and cold nowadays. Thankfully not towards the people I care about.

With all that being said, I still love jokes. And I still care about the people I'm pissed at. And I still care about doing well in school. F*ck, if this wasn't a residence, I'd probably be shouting some nonsense profanity to feel better. I want to go to some beach with no one (so others are not affected unnecessarily), and just shout.

Seriously, more than anything else, I'm f*cking pissed off at myself. And I realised that perhaps I still want to believe in some things. Why do my weaknesses keep coming back to eat me? Time to seriously do nothing about it! Because it doesn't matter anymore, because I realised maybe they aren't weaknesses after all. HEHE I am happy now.

"I tried to be someone else, but nothing seems to change, I know now, this is who I really am inside." - The Kill, 30 Seconds To Mars

Put On A Mask And Smile.

Every day is a struggle between who I really am, who I think I am, and who I think I should be.

There are times I know clearly what's right and wrong, yet I still end up doing otherwise. I hate myself for succumbing to social pressure sometimes, yet I know that it is impossible to fully be myself all the time. That's probably one of my greatest weaknesses.

I long for the day I can just blank people I honestly don't give a damn about, and not wonder if I had just done something wrong. I long for the day I can do a good deed without worrying if others think I've an ulterior motive. Similarly, I'd really like it if I could just help others without wondering if they are simply just using me as a tool. Yes, I know the world doesn't revolve around me. Yet I can't deny that people are not as nice as I would like to believe. Every single day I see people using others and being made used of, the cycle goes on. I guess that's the way life is.

I'm getting increasingly irritated by some people. People who judge you as though they know all about you, people who constantly like to compare themselves against you, people who seem to take pride in condescending you, the list goes on. I love competition. Without it, how can we progress? I love fair and open competition, and that is why I never hide my aims and goals. Maybe that is wrong in this society, whereby everyone acts really nice and humble, but deep down inside them, they're probably rotten to the core, filled with schemes of their own.

And for that, I am thankful for the few groups of friends I've come to regard as brothers. Friends who've been through everything together. Not the kind of bonding I see so often in school. The kind of "Hall Life Rocks", "School Life Rocks", etc. bonding, where everything is so cheer, so colorful, and so fake.

P.S: I miss my double ace! =) And I wrote this post because I was trying to kill some time, nothing more ^^.

Tired!!! Is An Oxymoron

Every now and then you get really tired, and wonder what's the point of living. No, actually I'm just joking, I'm just really tired and want to sleep =P. There's so much to live for in life! Despite the hectic school life, there's always things to look forward to. My recent falls (sort of) have reminded me once again, that there's always something to be happy about. Of course, the things that are bothering you will still be lingering somewhere in your mind, but hey, try to find the light in the darkness =)!

Sometimes I think I actually have a good time making fun of others, all in the name of fun, of course. I'm damn sure I'm being made some of as well, well even if I'm not I don't care. The world doesn't revolve around me, or you. It revolves around love baby! Lol. Or money, or whatever. Anyway, here's some interesting shit that happened this week (yes, it's only Wednesday):

Eugene was trying to study in a quiet corner in school. He was, as usual, trying hard to study, and with him was Ben, and both of them were studying hard for coming paper. Beside Eugene was Yong, who was trying to complete his latest assignment. Deciding to take a break from his studies, Eugene went to help Yong with his programming (which he enjoyed). This is a dramatic story. Opposite Eugene was Lisa, who kept looking on as Eugene was helping Yong. That kind of "I-need-help" look, you know. Now, Eugene doesn't help people who don't help themselves, especially when they blatantly act like they deserve help because they are damsels in distress.

Thus, Eugene told Lisa nicely to put in some effort first before asking for help. At the same time, Eugene managed to help Yong finish his assignment. Following that, Eugene went back to his studies with Ben. Anyway, they had some chit-chat in which Eugene said the words "F you" to Ben jokingly. Now comes the dramatic part: Lisa suddenly looked at Eugene, shouted "What? You want to F me is it?" for no apparent reason at all. Eugene was clueless as to what just happened, and so replied "Huh?" Of course, Lisa, who was full of confidence, said that Eugene had been staring had her. Well, what can Eugene say?

Thus, Eugene decided not to argue with "damsel-in-distress" Lisa, and just kept quiet about it. Surprisingly, Lisa still had the cheek to ask Eugene for help afterwards. Of course, Eugene just smiled, and said nothing. Moral of the story?

Eugene's an idiot for not saying anything, and Lisa's shameless. She's probably just unhappy that Eugene didn't help her.

After hearing his story, I told Eugene that his peace-loving nature is not going to work out all the time. Being a peace-loving person myself, I've come to realise that most of the time I avoid conflicts because I think it's simply a waste of time, since most people don't handle it well anyway. With that being said, I always believe that conflict is sometimes necessary for progress.

Anyway, there's a lot of things that've happened this week that are truly amusing, but most of them are quite geek-related. Lol. Here's one of them... I was reading some forums and some guy posted that he knows he's being cheated on by his wife. I know it's quite sad to read this kind of things, but then someone came in and replied "Uninstall her." I can't help but chuckle to myself after that.

Lastly, made some changes to my desktop (Winamp controls, coloured To-Do):

I might post a tutorial on how I did some of the things, but for basically, Samurize rocks =).

Comms Ball... & Others...

Just came back from Comms Ball a few hours, nothing much to blog about. Pretty fun events, although I was a lil bored. Nevertheless it was good to see most of my friends with their sweet dates =). Darling Geri came to find me after her stuff, and it made the difference for the day =). Thank you Dear =)!

Also, LTA Joel and 2LT Aloysius proposed today! It was really really nice and romantic! =) Congrats! ^_^

Anyway, I've learnt recently that double dates and catching up with old friends are not as easy as I thought... Sigh.

To add to that, some of Geri's friends haven't exactly been behaving like good friends. WTF is wrong with people nowadays? They only care about themselves, where's the friendship...? It's so sad, really. If you said you don't mind, then why do you still bring it up? Just STFU and move on, stop whining and wallowing in your sorrows. Should I offer you a tissue as well? Or maybe a towel since you're so full of tears? Knowing things like this piss me off.

Maybe one day I should just listen to the anger inside.

Anyway, for my dearest =)...

Lunatica - Song For You

You hold my hand when I tremble with fear
You bring me light when I burst out in tears
And now I want to thank you, dear, for all the things you've done
I can't deny (that) you showed me the right way

[Chorus:]
For the light, for the love
For the truth in your eyes
I am grateful to have such a friend by my side
For the tears, for the joy
For not asking me why
We can hold our hands up and reach for the sky

You kept your faith when my words were untrue
You made me laugh when I was feeling blue
Always giving, never asking for more than a smile upon my face
Together we will conquer the whole world

[Chorus]

(You) don't have to worry
We'll stay together all of our days
You can trust in my words, you can rely on me
And when dark clouds obscure the sky
I'll be at your side
Until the weight on your shoulders fades away

[Chorus]

Thanks to Greg for introducing Lunatica =P.

Rant...

It's been a long time since I actually felt like writing what's on my mind, since most of the time my mind's either completely blank (except for a certain part which is always missing someone =P), or way too messed up with thoughts for me to even start trying to write anything at all, since I can't even put many of these thoughts into words, much less phrases, to begin with.

So why am I writing now? I don't know, and my mind's currently full of thoughts, and I'm just spouting out whatever I can before I lose the ability to properly convert my thoughts to words.

OCS, Professional Term has finally ended. Joint Term here I come! I'm really happy that it's over, but at the same time, sad and a little anxious. After Joint Term, what lies ahead? Where will I be posted to? So many questions but no answers. Anyway, I don't really worry, I simply wonder from time to time. More importantly, I want to write about a very important lesson I learnt, and credit goes to my wonderful section instructor, for his effort and understanding. It's truly something that made something in me feel something, and this something is guilt, and I feel like crap honestly.

You know sometimes in life, you'll come across people who you can't along with. Heck, you come across people who cross your paths almost all the time. In my platoon, there's this one guy whom everyone doesn't like, including myself. Why? Because he has no initiative, he's lazy, self-centred, and simply refuses to help. That's my judgement of him anyway. Thus, for the first peer appraisal, most of us rated him very poorly. Yet he didn't change. Naturally, people will get pissed off, and our opinion of him naturally worsened. Thus, for the second peer appraisal, he was rated very poorly again. I think, as a result of that, he got sent to PRB, also known as Performance Review Board. Basically it's something that could result in him getting OOC (Out Of Course). Anyway, my section instructor came and talked to the entire platoon about it. I truly respect him for doing so. He said we should leave the platoon with happy memories, and not memories of who's fucked up and whatnots, that we should all thrash things out.

Then he said some things which really made sense. He asked, "When you all did the peer appraisal, did you all do it with the intention of helping him, or with the intention of bringing him down?" For me, it was a little of both. Yes, I wanted to bring him down, yet at the same time I hoped that he would change. I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking of bringing him down to begin with. My section instructor also asked, "Did any of you bothered to step up to him and tell him his faults?" To which, my answer is no. Yes, many a times I've tried hinting to him, but I've never talked to him directly about it. You see, many a times when we started having an opinion of something, we turn completely blind to his positive points. We make judgements on others as though we ourselves are the epitome of perfection, as though we are all and they are not. No, I'm not saying that the guy's not wrong at all, I'm saying most of the time we're all wrong. Wrong in the way we handle things, wrong in the way we judge people, and more importantly, wrong in the way we look at ourselves. Anyway, to cut the long story short, yes, some people are screwed up beyond hope, but we can only come to such a conclusion after making an effort to correct them. We should not gather as a group to go against someone just for the sake of it.

There you have it. We're all as flawed as the person you dislike. Just flawed in a different way. But still flawed.

On to another topic, I'm really thankful for such a wonderful and sweet girlfriend =). Just had to say that out =P!

Last but not least, I'm going for an interview this coming Tuesday. Please wish me all the best! =)