It's been a long time since I actually felt like writing what's on my mind, since most of the time my mind's either completely blank (except for a certain part which is always missing someone =P), or way too messed up with thoughts for me to even start trying to write anything at all, since I can't even put many of these thoughts into words, much less phrases, to begin with.
So why am I writing now? I don't know, and my mind's currently full of thoughts, and I'm just spouting out whatever I can before I lose the ability to properly convert my thoughts to words.
OCS, Professional Term has finally ended. Joint Term here I come! I'm really happy that it's over, but at the same time, sad and a little anxious. After Joint Term, what lies ahead? Where will I be posted to? So many questions but no answers. Anyway, I don't really worry, I simply wonder from time to time. More importantly, I want to write about a very important lesson I learnt, and credit goes to my wonderful section instructor, for his effort and understanding. It's truly something that made something in me feel something, and this something is guilt, and I feel like crap honestly.
You know sometimes in life, you'll come across people who you can't along with. Heck, you come across people who cross your paths almost all the time. In my platoon, there's this one guy whom everyone doesn't like, including myself. Why? Because he has no initiative, he's lazy, self-centred, and simply refuses to help. That's my judgement of him anyway. Thus, for the first peer appraisal, most of us rated him very poorly. Yet he didn't change. Naturally, people will get pissed off, and our opinion of him naturally worsened. Thus, for the second peer appraisal, he was rated very poorly again. I think, as a result of that, he got sent to PRB, also known as Performance Review Board. Basically it's something that could result in him getting OOC (Out Of Course). Anyway, my section instructor came and talked to the entire platoon about it. I truly respect him for doing so. He said we should leave the platoon with happy memories, and not memories of who's fucked up and whatnots, that we should all thrash things out.
Then he said some things which really made sense. He asked, "When you all did the peer appraisal, did you all do it with the intention of helping him, or with the intention of bringing him down?" For me, it was a little of both. Yes, I wanted to bring him down, yet at the same time I hoped that he would change. I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking of bringing him down to begin with. My section instructor also asked, "Did any of you bothered to step up to him and tell him his faults?" To which, my answer is no. Yes, many a times I've tried hinting to him, but I've never talked to him directly about it. You see, many a times when we started having an opinion of something, we turn completely blind to his positive points. We make judgements on others as though we ourselves are the epitome of perfection, as though we are all and they are not. No, I'm not saying that the guy's not wrong at all, I'm saying most of the time we're all wrong. Wrong in the way we handle things, wrong in the way we judge people, and more importantly, wrong in the way we look at ourselves. Anyway, to cut the long story short, yes, some people are screwed up beyond hope, but we can only come to such a conclusion after making an effort to correct them. We should not gather as a group to go against someone just for the sake of it.
There you have it. We're all as flawed as the person you dislike. Just flawed in a different way. But still flawed.
On to another topic, I'm really thankful for such a wonderful and sweet girlfriend =). Just had to say that out =P!
Last but not least, I'm going for an interview this coming Tuesday. Please wish me all the best! =)