20060325

Thoughts of a Forgettable Young Man

Every single time he calls, he only asks about my sister. The only time he asks about me is when he can't get my sister, or when he needs something from me. Just like when he needed me to open a new StarHub line for him. Yes, he's my father. For my sister he'll probably kill himself, but when I get all distinctions for my recent examinations, it doesn't even matter to him. Yes, that's the life I've been living for the past two years or so. Or should I say, since the day my sister was born. Only it became more apparent recently.

Maybe it's better to be a problematic child.

I've always tried my best at doing everything well, be it studies, friendship, relationships, work, or organizing events. To me, it's either you do it well, or don't do it at all. I did well in my studies when I was in my lower primary. Always scoring within the top 5 in class. In upper primary, I started playing more and studying less, and my results suffered as a result. In either case, my parents didn't really pressure me. I thought I was lucky to have such good parents. My PSLE came, and I didn't do well at all. Thankfully, I was still able to enter the Express stream at a normal neighbourhood secondary school. I started studying a little harder, and I was able to sail through my lower secondary school life rather smoothly, except for a few hiccups here and there, especially when it came to my second language, Mandarin. Then came the turning point in my life. My parents divorced. Back then I really hated them for doing that. I hated the fact that my relatives had so much influence in everything. I also hated the fact that I wasn't able to do a thing. I decided there and then that I'll try my best to do well for my O Levels, and for once, I actually felt like I've a path in life.

I felt like getting everything I wanted, I also felt like returning my relatives the favour.

I wasn't on good terms with my father after the divorce initially. Nevertheless, the situation improved, and we were soon on talking terms. I've always liked my mother, because I think she's one of the best mothers anyone can ever have. The sad thing is, she refuses to talk to my father at all. I've no idea why. When the father can't gets the mother, he goes through his son. As a result, I'm always the middleman. Always the one against both of them, always the one trying to defend both of them. Defend them from who? From each other. It was pretty difficult trying to study for my O Levels with all these things happening. It didn't help that one of my teachers said that I was using my parents' divorce as a reason for not studying. If only she knew how hard it was.

Time passed by, and soon I was having my O Levels. I did well enough to be able to enter a few not-so-prestigious Junior Colleges, but I decided to go to Temasek Polytechnic in the end. The reason I did so was because I've always liked computers. I love programming, I love playing around with the hardware. I love just about everything related to computers. Thus, I ended up going to ETCM in Temasek Polytechnic's School of Engineering, before opting to go for Computer Engineering in my second year. Sadly, ETCM is a course often looked down upon by many other students, because it has a relatively high cut-off point. Anyway, I did pretty well in my Year 1. I got into the Director's List, which is an award for the top 10% of the students. Yet again, my parents didn't seem be particularly care. They're always going, "Good job. Just don't pressure yourself too much." I don't get a single thing for scoring. Nothing at all. On the other hand, my sister, who has always been a little weaker in studies, will probably get anything she wants as long as she passes. Especially from my father. Nevertheless, I wasn't one to expect too much from anyone at all, and I also understand that my parents work hard to earn money to support us. I still felt life was pretty good, especially with the bunch of friends I've in school. You know, what goes up must come down. The same goes for happiness. My girlfriend left me. For another guy. Well, well. Isn't it weird how the person who once made you smile the most is now making you cry?

Of course, being the stubborn person I am. I refused to be beaten just like that. I was really down at that time, but my friends stood by me. I decided then that I'll do my best in my studies no matter that. That one day I'll do well in life. That I'll be a good friend, a good son, and a good husband. So I worked really hard when Year 2 started. My group members weren't strong in programming, and I had to shoulder most of the responsibility. Moreover, I still haven't recovered from the breakup. Life was tough, but it soon got better. Also, I still had to play the middleman role for my parents. As I said earlier, what goes up WILL come down. My sister started changing for the worst. So now, I've to handle my parents, AND my sister.

I've already written about my sister numerous times. My parents are like tools and fools to her. Sadly, they are still like this. I don't want to count the number of times my parents argued because of her. Neither do I want to count the number of times I was involved for no particular reason at all. All I know is she's no longer the sister I know, and no longer someone I'd want to associate myself with. But what can I do? I was born to be her brother. I can't change facts. Right? So here I am, still trying to be patient. Still trying to be nice. But what do I get? Shit from both my parents, and my sister.

My father called me a while ago, asking me to pass money to my sister again. For what? So she can go and buy her cigarettes? I told him I can't do that as I was outside. He told me he already messaged my mother to pass her the money, and that once again, my mother didn't reply. So I called my mother, and told her to pass my sister the money first. Somehow, I sounded rude to her, and she's now angry and hurt because of me. My father too, because I literally shouted at him. Great, so now I'm wrong again. Just yesterday, my sister called me, asking me to buy dinner home for her. I told her I would be home late, and to call my mother first. Or she can go and cook some instant noodles. Somehow, when I came home, my mother was home, but my sister was nowhere in sight. It seems that she came home, saw my mother, and immediately left home. Great. I gave her a call, and from the way she talked, it seems like she's pushing all the blame to me. That I didn't care for her, that I'd rather she eat instant noodles than to buy food for her. Great... Really. You fucking walked out on your family, and you expect everyone to shower you with love like we owe you everything?

Really, maybe it's better to be a problematic child.

To all the people reading this, please. If you're a parent, never let your problems with your partner affect your children. Please treat your children with equal love, no matter how different they are. Never, ever say you prefer one over the other to your child. Never. If you're a child, never hurt your parents knowingly. Also, no matter how bad they may treat you, remember, they will always be your parents, like it or not. Remember. You know, I still think my parents are nice people after all these. They've been nice, and I'd rather remember them for the good things than the bad things.

So once again, I'm probably going to exercise a little to relieve the anger and sadness, and maybe sleep after that. Tomorrow, I'm going to smile again, like nothing's ever happened. Like everything's forgettable, just like I am.

20060323

Pissed Off

Since I'm seriously pissed off with some stuff that I'd rather not mention for now, I've decided to think of all the irritating/stupid things that never fails to make me chuckle whenever I think about them. I don't bear grudges, in fact I find grudges stupid, and that's precisely why I'm able to laugh/joke about these things. Some people may find it offensive. No offense =). Real names might not be used to protect the identity of the person. Here we go...

- S T A R T -

1. Jack To Jill
Jack: "You should go on to university to have a proper life, since I took away much of your polytechnic life."

Explanation: Jill used to be a good friend of ours, but after getting together with Jack she's NOT allowed to talk to boys/guys. According to Jack, all guys are evil and have an ulterior motive, and he's the only pure one. To be honest I think Jill's a really sweet girl, but love is blind, as they all say.

2. Rambo To Me, Rambo To Nash
After seeing Rambo's nick on MSN once, I figured he was pretty unhappy with some of us (not me though), so I went to ask him.

Me: "Eh you angry with Dan? What happened?"

Rambo: "Aiyah he and Nash keep on disturbing me regarding me failing my test again."

Me: "Haha it's for the fun of it what. You should know them."

- End Of Conversation -

Around three weeks later, in a incident that involved Angel, Rambo, Nash, Dan, and myself (in which I was supposedly that one at fault and backstabbing everyone).

Rambo To Nash: "Aiyah I all along know YC don't like you all already."

Explanation: WTF? I barely commented on anything, if at all. What actually happened was Angel came to me telling me some personal stuff, and I simply gave him honest replies. I've no idea how the others interpreted it, but suddenly I'm wrong. Best of all, Rambo's suddenly good friends with Nash and Dan. Talk about saving your own ass.

3. Rambo To All
Rambo: "Hey can lend me $500? I need to help a friend. It's a life and death matter."

Explanation: He needed the money for some business of his own, and it had nothing to do with life and death. However, for the sake of money, LYING TO YOUR FRIENDS IS CORRECT!

4. Timmy To Me & Many Others
When I was in Year 1.1, I thought I found good friends, seriously. However, Timmy is a guy who liked to backstab Michael. Michael was a close friend of ours, and still is. Anyway, Timmy felt that Michael's lying about his background and all, for no apparent reason. So he decided to go around telling everyone this:

Timmy: "You don't find Michael to be bullshit? How about we all expose him one day?"

Naturally I told him not to play any games with me. Thankfully nothing happened. So much for friends. All because he felt. Something. It's funny because Michael and I really thought of him as a good friend, and he went around telling everything shit about Michael. Naturally, there are people who are born to be sheep, so yup, some simply followed blindly.

5. Yasmine To Angel
There was once my group of friends had a chalet, and we happened to be talking about Angel's recent change of attitude and stuff. To make it clear, whatever we talked about, we had already told him. We just wanted to know if there was anything we could do. Somehow, Yasmine (who was part of the conversation) felt that we were backstabbing Angel.

Anyway, what happened after that was that Angel decided not to be friends with us anymore (in a way), because we were backstabbing him. The funny thing is if we were backstabbing him, then what about Yasmine? Well, this is related to No. 2 as well.

- E N D -

Well, I guess that's all for now. Once again, this is all for the fun of it. Most of the problems mentioned have already been solved, and I'm pretty much on good terms with them all. If you find whatever's above offensive, I'd say, move on with life. Just for your information, the name's aren't generated by my brain randomly. They do relate to what think that person should be named (at the point in time the incident happened). For example, Yasmine might be a guy, for all you know =). Last but not least, sorry if you don't find this funny in any way, but it seriously makes me laugh. At how stupid we all can be sometimes. I'm sure some of my friends would find the humour in this as well =P.

Alright, good night people!

20060322

Guys Lie For A Reason!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into the water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez, as beautiful as ever. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. Without a doubt, "Yes, my Lord" cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said 'yes' this time."

The moral of the story is: When ever a man lies, there is a reason good behind it!

Source: Neowin.net Forums

StarForce Seriously Sucks

Seriously, PLEASE DO NOT BUY ANY GAMES WITH STARFORCE!

READ THIS

20060314

Grad Nite (Part II)

So I was saying, I reached the place. Anyway, before reaching Timbre (aka the place), I met Nicholas, Raj, Gregory, Roy, Tiong Guan, and a whole lot of other people at City Hall MRT Station. On the way there, I kept complaining to Geri (:X) about what happened. Sorry! Anyway, it was partially out of fun =P. After walking forever, we finally reached Timbre (around 7.45pm). Paid the money, signed a paper to show I'm there, and proceeded to sit. Some of our juniors (4 of them) performed throughout the night. Well, thanks =).

I was (again) rather pissed off when I saw A and B. But seeing the happy faces of all my friends there made me think twice before losing my temper or anything. Also, I saw many people I'd NEVER have expected to come, but they did. Although I didn't know them really well, it was good to see them. At the very least, it shows they bother about the course, right? Anyway, A was the emcee for the night, and damn, he's bad. Shan't comment too much. Went on to have some food, and it was pretty nice. OUT OF 4 dishes, I only managed to try 2. The other 2 were empty trays by the time I went there (buffet). Both were nice though. I ate beef after a very long time =X. Sorry =(. I was then called on stage to give a speech as the ex-President of CENT Club, and damn, I suck. I wasn't prepared at all. The very least that could happen was to let me know at 5 minutes beforehand! But no, I was just called up. Sigh. After giving a possibly worst speech I've ever given, I called Jeremy up. I think he too, was shocked, as his speech was short. No doubt it's better than mine though.

After that, we had some games and whatnots, and they were fun, although it wasn't handled very well. Soon after, some people started leaving =(. The resident band of Timbre then started performing, and they're rather good! This was when one of the most interesting/fun/enjoyable/memorable things of the night happened. Amir went up to play the drums! Although all of us know Amir's a drummer, I've personally never seen him play before. It was the first time, and he's pretty good! HEHE. Way to go man!

Around 10pm (or was it 11pm), we all left the place. Nicholas already left with his date earlier (to send her home). Anyway, Maclean, Amir, Rayhan, Raj, Gregory, Simon, and myself went on the East Coast Park. Geri (DARLING!), Terry, and Chin Ming shared the same cab and went home. Thanks to Chin Ming and Terry for taking care of Geri =P. We reached East Coast Park (McDonald's) around 12.30am, where Nicholas re-joined us. What went on for the rest of the night was...

Nicholas was telling us about his feelings for his date. Anyway, we talked a lot about it, and I'd say go for it man =). You've nothing to lose! On the contrary, all of us started lecturing (literally) Gregory on his weird taste for girls. I mean, come on, all your girlfriends so far are seriously... young =X. After chatting for some time, we decided to take a walk around East Coast Park, and sang songs along the way. We reached one of the huts after a while, where Raj, Simon, and Jeremy fell asleep. Raj snores really loud =X. Went on talking, singing, etc. till 5.30am or so, after which we went back to McDonald's for breakfast. Left the place around 6.30am. Shared a cab with Jeremy and Simon to Bedok Reservoir, where I went on to take bus 8 home, although I didn't pay a single cent. Thanks =P.

To end it, I'd like to thank all my wonderful friends for the past 3 years or so in TP. It was one hell of a journey. Maclean, who I know since the VERY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. Gregory, who I know a few days after that. Also, people like Nicholas, Raj, Amir, and Rayhan, friends I got to know in Year 2! Not forgetting my weird SIP group, consisting of Wee Quan (aka Ng Barbie), and Willie (the Yuen). Also, friends like Roy, Andrew, and literally everyone else in CEN, thanks for all the times. Although shit has happened, I'm sure all of us have learnt to use a toilet paper to wipe it off, throw it into the toilet bowl, maybe enjoy/dread the smell for a while, and then flush it away. Thanks also to my juniors (all of you, even though I don't like some of you) for organizing the Grad Nite. Last but not least, to Mr. Clement Chew, who has been a very good lecturer and friend to me, and to all the CEN lecturers.

Thanks for all the times, I'll be re-living them from time to time, in the form of memories. Good ones, great ones, sad ones, bad ones, I won't forget them =).

Blog Changes

Renamed "Must Read!" To "Important Stuff", and added the link for my Grad Nite pictures as well =).

20060312

Stupid StarForce

Alright, I'm a little slow in blogging about this, but StarForce is a really irritating copy-protection software (Like SafeDisc, etc.). For more information, check out the following link:

http://www.glop.org/starforce/

Why am I blogging about it now, you might ask. I spend most of my time on the internet surfing techology/computing sites, and yesterday I came across an article on Neowin.net, which says that one of the administrators on the StarForce forums actually linked to a site, which provided the torrents for the game "Galactic Civilizations 2". GC2 does not make use of any anti-copying software, and the reason the stupid StarForce administrator linked to the site was to show that a game that is not copy-protected can be easily pirated.

Not only is what the administrator did illegal, it's downright childish. So if someone doesn't want to use your POS software, you simply link to sites where people can download them for free? Anyway, whether your game/application is copy-protected or not, it will always be pirated. Do a search and you'll see all the results. Being an administrator/moderator on the StarForce forums, I'm pretty sure this StarForce guy already knew about it, yet he linked to a torrent for GC2. For what? Seriously. If your games/applications are good, people will buy it. If you make shitty software, and no one buys it, don't blame it on piracy all the time. Maybe take a look at your software first.

I don't really feel like elaborating further. I will personally ALWAYS buy a good game, and although I haven't tried GC2, what StarForce did was stupid and dumb. Check out the Neowin.net thread HERE, and the stupid StarForce thread HERE. Anyway, the link has already been removed from the thread, but what the administrator did was ~!@#$. Last but not least, check out what StarDock (makers of GC2) had to say HERE.

Alright, that's all. I seldom blog about computing-related news, but this time round I just have to spread the news (at least to the people who read this blog, especially my friends) ^_^.

20060311

New Section + Other Stuff

Hi all, I've added a "Must Read!" section to the right. As you can see, it consists of the posts I find are more important, such as Grad Nite and stuff. Anyway, I promise I'll be updating with "The Past 3 Years (Part IV)", and "Grad Nite (Part II)" once I've the time. On another note, I got my examination results yesterday, and I did well! I'm really happy, it was one heck of a good surprise =)! To some friends who didn't do well, cheer up! Work hard and clear your supplementary papers! We'll all be there to help you =).

Lastly, I went to the IT Show today and bought a 250GB External Hard Disk. This brings the total capacity in my computer to around 500GB =P. Mostly anime and manga. I love them! Alright, off to sleep in a while. Good night everyone =).

20060310

There's No Comfort In The Waiting Room + Grad Nite

Hi all, the title of this post was taken from a Death Cab For Cutie song ^^. I'll post the lyrics later in this post =). Anyway, I believe all of my friends and everyone else from TP are anxiously waiting for their results. All the best to each and everyone of you!

Anyway, regarding the graduation night I had on Tuesday, it was great. The day started off like crap for me, and for Maclean as well. Honestly. Before I go on, let's first take a look at what was supposed to happen for us (Maclean and I) on that day:

  • Meet Mac In School At 1PM For Lunch

  • Meeting (Week Zero Orientation) In School At 2.30PM

  • Hope The Meeting Ends By 5PM

  • Meet Geri <3

  • Go For Graduation Night To Have Fun With Friends


That what's SUPPOSED to happen. Instead, nearly everything went wrong. Firstly, I woke up late, not late enough to meet Maclean late, but later than what I had intended. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had constipation, and sinus(istis). I seem to be having sinus recently =(. Anyway, I reached school around 2.15PM instead. Thankfully Mac wasn't angry. Before going to the club room where the meeting was supposed to be held, I went to buy NutriSoy. So, feeling a little happier, like a little kid receiving sweets, I stepped into the club room, and opened the NutriSoy. Before I could even drink, I heard, "EH NO DRINKING IN THIS CLUB ROOM, PLEASE GO OUT AND DRINK." I turned around, and it's one of my own juniors. Maclean was also in the room and I'm pretty sure he's fed up as well. Anyway, let's call this junior A. I already didn't feel very good due to my sickness, and due to being late, and I've to take this shit from a junior?

Look, hate it or like it, I am your senior. You might be older than me, but that's all. Even worse, I was the ex-President of the club. The least you could do was talk to me nicely. Anyway, go screw yourself in the head for suggesting a "No drinks" rule. Puck you, really. I don't want to use profanities, so just get the meaning and leave it at that. So, not wanting to create trouble, I went out of the club room to drink my NutriSoy. Ok, I'm lying. The problem was there are people from the Week Zero committee outside the club room, waiting for the meeting to start. Thus, I didn't want to cause a scene. This brings up another issue, what were you, A, and the other club members doing in the club room, leaving our guests outside the club room sitting? I also heard that one of the juniors, let's call him B, actually told the Week Zero committee people NOT to enter the club room till 2.30PM.

Anyway, after finishing my NutriSoy, I went back into the club room. Then I had to face another problem. B kept whining and blaming me for bringing more people to the Graduation Night. Firstly, I did not bring more people. These people wanted to come. Secondly, you all did not leave any means for others to contact you if they wanted to go for the Grad Night. I had to play part-time organizer together with Maclean to make sure all these people were able to come, and I have to face shit from you? Grad Night was supposed to be something FOR ME to enjoy, yet I've to help settle some things?

As you can see, the day started out very badly, with my own juniors showing complete disrespect to the people I know. It was sad. I'm going to go a little off-topic, but this club basically makes my TP life what it is today. A lot of things happened, and my committee fought so hard for a club room of our own, for the lockers, for so many things. For the good relations between the various Diploma Clubs. Yet after passing it on, all we see are pathethic assholes trying to create conflict within the club. There're a few people who are really nice in the new committee. In fact, too nice for their own good. Be a little tougher, really. You have the authority to do that. Be thankful you all have a really good advisor, whom we respect very much =).

Anyway, I went on for my meeting, and it was a great meeting. I enjoy being with this Week Zero committee very much. It's made up of a bunch of people who are very capable and enthusiastic about what they're going to do. The meeting ended sometime around 5PM. I then went back to the club room, rested a while (Or rather, lost my temper at two of my juniors who had nothing to do with what happened earlier. Sorry.), before going to meet Geri (with Mac, of course).

Along the way, one of our fellow friends called us, telling us he doesn't want to go because of some stuff. Anyway, I didn't exactly speak in a nice tone to him, so I passed the phone to Mac. He hanged up on Mac though =(. Anyway, the problem's now solved, and things are good =).

So I reached the place, ready to have fun albeit being a little pissed with everything...

(To Be Continued Another Day)

20060308

CEN Graduation Nite 2006!

Download Pictures

Will update more later ^_^.

20060301

Fucked Up Slacking

My initial plan was to slack all the way till March 12, and officially start working or finding jobs on March 13. Yet with each passing day I hate this boredom more and more. Why? Doing nothing in itself is fun. Nothing as in no work, no deadlines to meet. Just having fun. I started exercising again yesterday, and had a great time playing soccer with my friends today. On the other hand, I've been going to school since Monday, either for club meetings, or to do some project stuff. Project? Well, my project's already completed more or less, but I've to hand it over to my juniors who will be adding new features and whatnots. At the same time, I've to guide them and try to help them out. The juniors who took over my projects seem nice =). All these don't make me feel busy, when compared to my usual school life. In fact, I still feel like I've nothing to do. So why so I hate this nothingness?

You see, when you've nothing to do, your mind starts wandering. You start thinking of unnecessary stuff, or stuff that's been blocked out while you were busy preparing for your examinations. Generally, things that make you think usually make you sad. At least for me. Anyway, these are the exact words taken from my sister's blog:

since he`ll never change , ii`ll not change for his sake . ii remain as hhu ii was liikk the past . staying out every night . doing nothing , with no aim in life . haiis .

As you can see, her family doesn't matter. All that matters is what the BOY she "loves" wishes for. It's sad, but true. All she'll ever care about is stuff that doesn't matter at all at her age. I don't wish to elaborate any further. Also, as she wished, I've stopped contacting her altogether.

On another note, I really don't understand certain people. It's sad when you see segregation among your friends. Really. Whatever it is, I don't intend to give a shit anymore. When people say it's over, I think they usually don't mean it.

Lastly, there was a recent incident in SG that got all the males excited, maybe a few females as well. I don't want to act all gentlemanly and stuff, but the person involved probably never intended for this to happen, so stop all your almighty labelling of this person as "slut", "whore", etc. Seriously I would love to see your reaction if the person involved was related to you. Another thing to note is there were three people involved. The one who started all these, and the two people who never intended for this to happen. So why the fuck are you focusing all your attention on just one of them? Because she's a girl? I see people everywhere calling people who are defending this person to stop acting and whatnots. If watching something that is causing someone else to suffer brings you happiness, I don't want to know what kind of environment you grew up in. I'd bet your parents are either the same as you, or they wouldn't want to acknowledge you. Last but not least, I would never have wanted to blog about this at all, but the fact is some of the people I know are reacting in this fucked up manner as well, and the majority of the Singaporean male population as well. Anyway, I hope she's able to go on with life normally as soon as possible.