20050331

Spray

Hello, I wanted to blog yesterday but couldn't seem to access www.blogger.com -_-. So I ended up typing in Notepad. The problem is, I decided to stop halfway. Lol. Anyway, here's what I typed yesterday:

Alright, I've been trying to blog for the past few hours, but I can't access www.blogger.com at all. So here I am, typing this shit on Notepad, trying to kill some time. Although there's a lot of things I must somehow fix/settle, I'm really tired and lazy right now. It's 9am right now, and I've been up since 3am or so. Actually I woke up once at 8pm, but then i fell asleep again.

Well, I slept the moment I got home from school yesterday, around 3pm or so =). Before that, I stayed up the entire night due to the extremely long afternoon "nap". Then without sleeping, I went to school for some meeting at 9.15am. Thanks to Wee Quan for fetching me =P. I was watching anime and lost track of time. If it wasn't for WQ I would have wasted $5 or so, taking a cab down instead. The "meeting" ended around 12pm, and by then I was dead tired. Anyway, it was regarding my SIP project, and damn, it's really tough. I've to start reading up on a lot of things... Sigh, so much for holidays.


So there you have it. Back to sleep, good night.

20050329

Hehe

http://www.funkygrad.com/lifestyle/displayarticle.php?artID=396&subcat=live

Game Over

Alright, MSD's paper over. Again, it's passable. I don't know if I'll score, due to the damned Question C1... It's worth 40 marks... If I can get at least 20 out of that I'd be very happy =). Wish me all the best =P.

Anyway, just relieved that the examinations are finally over. However, I feel empty now. Nothing to do at all, and I hate it. Why? Because when there's nothing to do, I tend to think about the past and shit. I hate to admit it, but I'm seriously weak when it comes to affairs of the heart. Well =(. You know, coming home after the last paper, calling your special someone and telling her, whining, or whatever. It's a warm feeling. Since I really have nothing to do now, and I can't get to sleep, I'll probably just rant as I waste my time surfing on the net. Alright, the time now is 1.22am (according to my ridiculously 20 minutes ahead-of-time clock). Haha.

I realised I can't joke very well. Not that I can't make jokes, but rather, I don't laugh at most of the things people find funny. Seriously. Maybe I'm just too serious, or something like that. I wonder =(. Or maybe I'm just plain boring with no sense of humour. I remember I use to laugh at those things too, but now I don't. On the other hand, I'm humoured by things that people find no humour in. Weird. Am I really that different? Recently, I don't even feel like responding to my friends' jokes or comments. I know they're trying to have fun and whatnots, but I just don't see the point in anything anymore.

Although I frequently joke/say that I want to know this girl, know that girl, the truth is, I don't really bother. Yeah I'm a loser probably =). It's like, "So what if I know her?" or something like that. Haha =). Well, it's not just girls, it's just about anyone. I seem to be treating/seeing humans more and more like objects. I think Hilmi will understand this the most. It's not like I want to, it just happens. After all, I personally am just a tool to some of you, right =)? Just another object for you to make use of.

Some people claim that they know what they're doing, that they're making their lives happier, etc. STOP CONSOLING YOURSELF. You'll probably realise how pathetic you are when you pull yourself out of the picture and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view. This does not apply to those who really try, I'm talking about people who only run away from their problems, people who only care about themselves. Just for your own happiness, you ignore the feelings of everyone around you. Selfish people. Where's your damn conscience? Is it that hard to stop running away, and just face your problems? Alright, that's all, I'm lazy to elaborate.

Talking about running away... I guess I probably am =(. Haha. All these stuff reminds me of my ex-girlfriend a lot. Well =(. So many things I can't understand... I don't understand how you can be so sweet back then, yet towards the end, it's like you're a completely different person. Bah.

Alright I'm bored, seriously. Just read Hilmi's blog. Haha =P. Good night.

20050328

Red Bull

Damn my paper's at 9.30am, and it's like 6am now, AND I HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE MINUTE OF SLEEP. Yay! Lol. I guess that's what happens when you don't study for a paper till the day before. I started only at 9pm last night =(. It's not like I want to, but I haven't exactly been feeling well recently. Even worse, I constantly feel sleepy... =(. Anyway, managed to get like 95% of the data into my head already. All that's left to do is a little bit more of memorising... AND A CAN OF RED BULL, so I don't fall asleep later. Lol. Wish me good luck people =P.

Maybe I should have an hour of sleep now... =\.

20050327

WTF

I made a really long post, and Blogger didn't save it for me... What the hell... Anyway, I was talking about my COMPCOM paper... It's passable, but I guess that's about it. I doubt I'll score well, a B at most. Well, I can't blame anyone but myself. Time and again, I forget about my dreams just because of some stupid stuffs... Only to realise my mistake when it's too late. Haha =).

I guess that's the way things are... All I'm left with is the MSD paper on Monday. This time round I've to really focus, and not repeat the same mistake again...

I felt really lost after today's paper, walking out of the examination room knowing I've lost 20 marks at the very least. What the fuck have I been doing...? Seriously... I guess all these while, the battle has always been within myself. If I can't even defeat this weak POS inside me, I doubt I can go far. Time and again, I give my emotions a higher priority than anything else. Often, this leads to prejudiced judgements. Often, these emotions blind me. There're things I can let go of, but there're just some stuff that are so hard to let go of...

You know, no one actually takes other people seriously. Most people only bother about themselves. It's sad, but true. It doesn't matter what you say, what your nickname or whatever is. When people say "Cheer up.", do they mean it? After all, words are just words. And yes, I expect a lot from everything. I won't deny that.

Damn, it was a really long and honest post... But Blogger didn't save it =(.

Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.
Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/

20050326

DIAN!!!

Alright, I didn't sleep last night as I was trying my best to study, and by the time I'm "done", it's 6am. Went to Changi Airport to send Dian off to Australia! Damn it. Lucky fellow =P. Hope to see you online soon! After sending him off, Hilmi, Asheeq, Taufik and me went for breakfast at McDonald's. Anyway, the lecturer who was from the School of Design to send Dian off is really friendly. Seriously rocks!

Haha =). I've known Dian, Hilmi and Asheeq since Secondary 1, although I was only close to Dian back then. Anyway, in the 5 years(?) we've known him, this is the first time that he's going overseas for such a long period =(. 2 months without Dian, D4SH becomes 4SH. Lol =P. Asheeq don't action, not talking about you. Lol ^_^.

Hm... Alright, I guess I better resume studying COMPCOM. I'm like.. 70% done? And the paper's 7 hours form now. A bit here and there... Sigh =(. Wish me good luck!

All the best to everyone for their papers tomorrow!

20050325

Conscience

Alright, I finally started studying around an hour ago. Finished 2 chapters so far. Damn I'm worried =(. I still have to TRY MY BEST and wake up early later, so I can send Dian off. Maybe I won't sleep. We'll see. Anyway, since I'm extremely bored right now, and I need a break from all that information I've been stuffing into my brain, I'll just rant.

To all the people out there, especially girls, who constantly blog about how proud you are of yourself (being a bitch), putting pictures of your bodies and whatnots online. You're really brave. But I'm really interested in knowing what will happen if your parents were to see your blog. Or rather, your "pride". The one who's insecure is you. Otherwise, why would there be a need to go around posting and claiming this and that? Scientists who've just discovered a really wonderful cure for a disease don't go around shouting "This cure works. Trust me!" Seriously, I really WANT and HOPE that your parents see your wonderful blog =). Maybe your father will get turned on too. But you probably won't let him do a thing to you, not because of your conscience, but because he's an ugly old man now =). Go on discriminating and insulting, and you will come to realise that you're the one running away from yourself.

On a similar note, Hilmi and I are really similar. Our ex-girlfriends left us in similar ways, "returned" to us in similar ways, both of us seek the same things, and lastly, we think alike. Anyway, not to sound insulting, but sometimes humans should know where they stand. Someone who types ii.amm.reallly.so0.damnn.cooll. shouldn't complain how typing l1k3 +h15 sucks. Haha =). Talk about hypocrites. Talk about being "understanding"! Why am I blogging about all these? Well, because I'm bored, and because I don't like this society. Everyone's so fake. They claim stuff like "See beyond my body to find the real me." on their Friendster, WhoLivesNearYou, Hi5, etc. profiles, but in real life, they're just plain attention whores. For guys, it'll be attention whorettes? LOL. Since there are dudes and dudettes, they should be whores and whorettes, right? All those feminist movement women like being equal, right? This does not apply to the TRULY WONDERFUL women who are fighting for women rights in certain countries where women are treated worse than slaves. However, in Singapore, this doesn't apply. We don't need a women rights campaign over here. Female teenagers are already taking advantage of the pathetic "No oral sex." rule here against their ex-boyfriends, when the truth is they probably enjoyed sucking the popsicle.

From the moment you were born, you weren't made to be equal with anyone, male or female. Trying to be equal to someone only shows how insecure you are. Be yourself for whatever's sake. For yourself and your loved ones. Well, it doesn't matter how sincere I sound here, or how serious I am. Because you don't care anyway.

I really hope your parents stumble upon your blog one day =). I don't care if my parents know about my blog. At the very least, I don't disgrace myself here. On the other hand, you act like you're the most perfect son or daughter in this world, only to blog about how "bitchy" or whatever in your paradise. Your escape. Your blog. I'll bet on anything that you fucking don't live up to what you claim you are in your blog, or your profiles in Friendster and whatnots. Also, you're probably the type that pushes a guy away after seducing him, or the type that fails to erect after turning a girl on =). Wait, can you even do either of that?

I'll be honest, I can't. Because my conscience stops me all the time. About knowing my limits, well, how handsome or ugly I am is up to you. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But the main thing is, if I don't have a conscience, you'll be one of the first ones on my list, for sure =). And it won't be just playing you out, I'll destroy your dreams, your everything. After all, isn't being a complete whore your dream? I know my cards perfectly well, which cards to play, and which cards to not play. After all, there're already some futures I can ruin. But then again, my conscience stops me.

Sorry this is only targetted at girls, because I'm a guy I can't possibly say I'll play a guy out emotionally or physically -_-. Lol. But for the guys who always dream of being the ultimate playboy, I really hope to see you fall =).

20050324

D4SH + Taufik

Went out with Dian, Hilmi, Asheeq, and Taufik just now. And it's very important to all of us! Why? Because Dian, is leaving for Australia on the 25th, at 9.30am for his OSIP. Way to go! So basically, we won't be seeing him for 2 months, and thus, tonight is probably the last night we'll get together, until he returns.

Anyway, I finally got a ride in Asheeq's car. It was fun! A lot of fun =P. Well, the only downside was I had to be sick with flu =(. Hm, I'll talk more about the outing tomorrow or something. But for now, thanks for the great "trip" guys! Haha =).

On another note, I'm screwed. I have yet to study for COMPCOM =(.

Alright, good night, sweet dreams =).

20050322

Untitled

Alright, my COMPCOM paper's this Saturday, and I have not touched a SINGLE CHAPTER. That's not so bad, if I had actually paid attention during the lectures. But no, I haven't. In fact, I don't think anyone does. So within the next 4 days I've to TRY MY BEST and absorb as much as possible. It's like learning something new. I've no idea what the lectures are talking about at all. Best of all, I'm not even in the mood to even study. Yay for YC. Being awake at this time, and not studying, is proof that I'm screwed for sure.

Lately I haven't exactly been feeling well mentally/emotionally. Well, come to think of it, when was the last time I felt at peace with myself? Sometimes I really want to help people, want to believe, have faith, and whatnots. But damn, it almost feels that I'm destined not to. Almost. There's just a little bit of belief left in me that holds me together right now. Yet I feel tied down. By some stuff. Like the past, and some friends. Not that it's good, or bad. I know for sure, if there's nothing tying me down right now, I won't be what I am right now. Hilmi should've the best idea of what I mean. Lol. After all, we're the eternal Checkers rivals. Lol. I swear I was going to type something serious a while ago, but it ended with an "Lol". I think I'm seriously losing it.

I've almost no interest in anything or anyone anymore. It feels like I'm falling deeper everyday. Maybe there'll be light at the end. But it's not a tunnel, it's a pit. How can there be light at the end of a pit? Lol. I already know the ending to some stuff, why then do I keep trying to fight them? It's wearing me out, and I really want to stop and end everything. Yet I go on. My body doesn't want to listen to me.

Sometimes I have problems sleeping. I close my eyes and all I see is my future. Darkness. It's so uncertain, yet I already know I'll walk towards it. Until I see some light, some hope. Haha. But you know, hope always fails.

Have you ever felt so tired, you wish you could sleep forever?

20050321

Lyrics

Take That - Back For Good
I guess now it's time for me to give up
I feel it's time
Got a picture of you beside me
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup
Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now

Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

Unaware but underlined I figured out this story
It wasn't good
But in the corner of my mind I celebrated glory
But that was not to be
In the twist of separation you excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside for me

Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

And we'll be together, this time is forever
We'll be fighting and forever we will be
So complete in our love
We will never be uncovered again

Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

I guess now it's time, that you came back for good
Source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/

20050320

Cowards

Hey you there, thanks for blocking me on MSN Messenger. A quick check with any tool online shows that you're in fact online, but you've blocked me. How insulting. Damn. I thought everything was over? Why then do I see weird posts on people's tagboards? On Maclean's, on Wayne's, on Tiffany's. I don't know what games you all are trying to play, considering you even got your own side involved. Either way, I don't particularly care about some of the people who were involved, but if a friend of mine like Maclean is involved, I think it's time for things to stop.

To a certain someone, I could've sworn you told me you will tell them to stop everything, what the hell is this then? The tempers on both sides are rising, largely due to a lot of misunderstandings? LOL. More like backstabbing. For fuck's sake, stop this foolish shit. You don't even dare to tag with your name, or nickname that everyone knows you by. Talk about cowards =).

Anyway, before I dirty this blog any further with trash like them, if you intend to call someone Fat Ass, look at your own pathetic size =). A fat ass can own a lanky fellow like you any day. But guess what, you're going to complain to a teacher, and lie and tell everyone how they didn't do their work. And you're going to get all the support you need, because you can't stand alone. And to think I shook your hands back then as a sign of peace. Liar =). This pathetic game you all are playing isn't even worth a try, you only win with the help of cheats. Count me out, I rather lose in a game whereby cheating and backstabbing is the only way to "win". Whereby licking your teacher's ass is one of the more important skills. Whereby staring without doing anything is really cool.

And to the same certain someone, don't bother calling me to settle anything again, unless you actually mean it. I REALLY treated you as a friend, but you had to betray my trust. And to the fuckers around him who are probably going to say I'm acting, go ahead. I've no interest in you. Redundant is the best word to describe you all.

To people who are really trying to stay friends and neutral at the same time, people like Rayhan and Wai Kit, thanks =). You're all good friends. Too bad the current situation doesn't allow us to talk as we used to, but I'm sure the day will come once everything is over.

20050319

Darkness

I spend most of my time joking away with my friends nowadays, and I really do enjoy it. But sometimes a part of me tells me to stop joking and be serious, that all I'm really doing is running away. I don't know, really. Don't really want to think about it either.

Everytime I'm serious, others will also think I'm joking. I guess that's the image I've created in other people's minds. Not that I bother, since most of the time these people aren't at fault =). It's me.

Sometimes I just start thinking of all the serious stuff and forget about everything else. When that happens it feels like I'm sinking into nowhere. It's a dark path, and I already know it. Even then I can't stop thinking and sinking further. It feels like destiny. Everytime I start believing in something good, something else will surely happen to make me start thinking negatively again.

I don't know anything anymore. I want to hate some people, but I've problems doing that. I don't even feel like I'm part of this world sometimes. Like I'm watching a show. This world is really fake. Really fucked.

Those who've worked with me before will know that I seek perfection. In fact I almost never stop working on something till I'm 100% pleased with it. The same goes for my life. But somehow it feels that in the quest to get the best out of myself, I've lost myself completely. I don't know what the heck I'm doing at all. I've never felt so empty before, I think.

Every night I reflect on the past, only to feel this stupid weird sad feeling. And every night I can't sleep till my body's completely tired out. Haha. Fuck.

Quotes

Although I don't really watch Smallville, it has some really nice quotes. I was browsing through the net when I came across some really nice ones. The following are those that I really like, mostly because I can relate to it.

[Start]
"In my experience there's no such thing as too much information." - Lex Luthor

"It's amazing how one moment can change your life forever."- Cassandra

"Life's a journey, Clark; I don't wanna go through it following a roadmap." - Lex Luthor

"You see, I don't want to do good things, I want to do great things." - Lex Luthor

"You know, just because you spend a lot of time with someone doesn't mean you know their darkest secrets." - Chloe Sullivan

"I plan on being great all by myself." - Lex Luthor

"You can learn a lot from someone you hate." - Lex Luthor

Clark: "Everyone needs a friend."
Kyle: "No they don't. Because they'll always betray you in the end."

"Relax. Failing isn't something I do." - Lex Luthor

"Trust me, Clark. Our friendship is going to be the stuff of legend." - Lex Luthor

"Sometimes the right person can be right in front of your eyes and you never even know it." - Lana Lang

"Some people are meant to be alone." - Lex Luthor

"Lex learned to act on his passion, never hold anything back. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to do the same." - Lana Lang

"You see, in life the road to darkness is a journey, not a light switch." - Lex Luthor

"I've always been fighting my destiny. Trying to avoid becoming my father. But we all have certain genes that we want to change which dominate us." - Lex Luthor

"Love has a way of blinding even the sharpest minds. We don't look because we don't want to see. But once love is stripped away, we see the real person clearly. There revealed to us, with all their flaws, their foibles, and their secrets." - Lionel Luthor

"I guess we all got to take a look at our dark side sooner or later." - Clark Kent

"You think you know people, and you realize it's all just a facade." - Lex Luthor

Lois: "Call me crazy, but I've always been a firm believer that beauty... It's on the inside."
Dr. Fine: "The people that say that are the ones who already have it on the outside."

Lex: "There's a darkness in me that I can't always control. I'm starting to think that's my curse, why every relationship I have ends badly."
Clark: "We all have a dark side, Lex."
Lex: "Yeah. But I can feel mine creeping over the corners. Your friendship helps keep it at bay. It reminds me that there are truly good people in the world. I'm not willing to give up on that."

"I know, I know where you’re coming from. It’s a place of anger and mistrust. But it’s not too late. It’s not. There’s still time to get off the path that can only lead to darkness." - Lionel Luthor
[End]
Source: http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/totw/

I guess that's about it =).

20050318

Starting All Over... Again

What if I were to let go of everyone precious around me, and start all over again? This time, selecting who to treasure more wisely. Would that be good? It's not just about friends... I don't want to elaborate too much =). There're just some people... Who're really special.

Anyway, found out some more stuff today. Guess I was wrong again. It's sad, really. Of all people, I didn't expect you to be part of the backstabbing. Lol. But it's alright. I hate to say this, but you're a motherfucker. Not the type who fucks his own mother, but the type who fucks EVERYONE'S mother. Go fuck yourself. So who's playing games now? Go ahead and play, I don't want to win in such a dirty and cheap game, a game where you all got the teachers involved. Even worse, you had to resort to lies. Heh. Well, I'm sorry for your parents. Seriously. I think it's the 3rd time you've crossed my path already =). Unlike you though, I don't need to call for a gathering and complain to everyone about you.

Anyway, let's not corrupt my blog anymore with bastardS. Yes, there's an "S" there. Here's a song I really like. Nice lyrics.

Another Level - From The Heart
I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before.
And you've been hurting so your heart has chose to close the door.
Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, you'll see a love that's deep and true.
Tender and strong and all for you.
You can trust this love
Honest, that's the honest truth

Chorus

From the heart I'm giving you everything, everything.
From the heart. I promise you that I'll be there.
I'll be there to love you.
From the soul I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is,
From the heart, from the heart.

I will protect you and respect you and be all you need.
And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me.
These arms will never let you down.
They're staying around.
I'll walk with you through every storm.
I'll keep you save I'll keep you warm.
And you'll have no doubt.. You're the one I'm living for.

Repeat Chorus

I'll provide the love you need.
Just trust my touch, believe in me.
I'll never make you cry.
Give it all I got, with all I've got inside.

Repeat Chorus
Source: http://www.123lyrics.net/

Alright, take care everyone. To my friends, good luck for your lab tests results, and the upcoming examinations! To my "friends", I know you're cursing me and running me down, but good luck anyway. Considering you all are using one another all the time, you REALLY need the luck =). Go on backstabbing me, go on =). Oh ya, the next time you intend to call for a gathering, don't do it publicly in the canteen ;). Smile!

20050317

Reminiscence

Seeing that you've been doing rather well recently makes me happy =). It's good to see you're moving along fine, honestly. However, the feeling that you've changed keeps bugging me. I shouldn't... Even care anymore. Yet my heart feels so weird. I hate it. Damn. D4SH will probably kill me for this.

Talking about D4SH, you were one of the first, if not the first, to know about it. I still remember what you said back then. "I can buy food for you all!" Haha. Even now, I smile as I think about it. Being the type of person I am, I either laugh, or don't show any emotions. I laugh when I'm with my friends, because of all the jackass stuff we do. However, whenever I'm at home, I literally feel empty. Not that my friends aren't important. Without them I don't know where I would be. But to see you happy really makes me smile within =).

I won't dare to say I still like you. It doesn't make sense. But you're one of a few people who can literally stop me. Haha. Stupid ^^.

I feel like an idiot writing this post, especially when everything's over. However, since the day we decided to go separate ways, I haven't exactly sat down and thought through things. I still haven't, but at least I've some time to write some honest stuff here now that my lab tests are over.

I don't know what you're doing with your life right now. Either way, from what I've seen, you seem to be doing great. Hope you stay that way. Hmm... Hope you do VERY well in your upcoming examinations! Also, please hold on to your dreams =). Hope to see you succeed one day, as a friend =).

Sometimes I still wish you were here. But then again, sometimes I'm just so alone I wish anyone would be here with me. Haha. Stupid me.

Take care and good luck with your life, Bubblyn ^_^.

20050316

TROUBLESHOOTING.TXT

What do you do when people who aren't involved in anything at all start interfering and giving their unnecessary comments? If it was a computer virus, you can simply remove it, if it doesn't go away, do a format, and re-install everything.

But these are humans. And among them are some I thought were friends. But all they do now is put up a fake smile and say "Hi". But I know, beneath that smile is someone even uglier than myself. But that's not so bad. Even worse, people I didn't even thought would get involved are well, involved. The worst thing is they don't even dare to tell you anything directly, and they don't even appreciate what you've done for them in the past. THANK YOU LA. With "friends" like you, who need enemies?

I believe a friend is someone who will never backstab you, whether you're on good or bad terms with him. Maybe it'll please you if you see the people who were once your friends failing and re-taking their subjects. That's how black your heart is. But it doesn't even affect you. You're but someone who cares only for himself. And to one of the people who're getting involved for no reason at all, please know that the person who should've protected you didn't even do it when needed. You don't even know anything, yet you label us as "enemies". I could've sworn I talked to you nicely over MSN Messenger last night. If you were that unhappy, tell me there and then. Don't fake everything only to whine about it on your blog. I've nothing against you, stay out of MY problems. You don't have a right to judge about anything, because you haven't even heard anything from my side. Stop listening to the one-sided bullshit and wake up.

When you "lost" your laptop during the OH Event, I actually got some of my mentors to help you find it, although we weren't exactly settled with our own stuffs. And in the end, this is how you repay us. I don't expect anything from what I've done, because I WAS only playing my part as a friend. But you, you didn't bother when you saw the people around you fighting. When you saw your own friends fighting. Now all you do is show me a fake smile. And from the moment I saw you that you weren't even affected by anything, I know, the old you is dead.

To those on the "other" side, stop your games already. It's stupid. If you were truly right, why didn't you speak up when we had the "meeting"? Why go around and spread rumours about my friends? Your stares aren't even scary. And even if they were, my conscience is clear. Also, stop trying to create conflict among my friends and I, your stupid tricks won't work. Thank you for trying. Back then, I thought you were right because sometimes you really seem pitiful when you whine and complain, but now I know, everything's an act. When your own friends had problems far more severe than yours, you chose not to do anything.

Just for the sake of saying it, I didn't use a single vulgarity in this post. And no, this post is not just targetted at you. Don't think so highly of yourself. And if you want to I would gladly put down your names as a sign of respect, since you all feel the world revolves around you. But until I get any special requests, this will be it. Why? Because you know who you are, and unlike some of you, I don't have to put your names down and whine to everyone who knows you about how bad you are, about how little effort you've put into the project. Take my group for example, Gregory, although he doesn't put in much effort when it comes to coding stuff, he puts in his effort when it comes to stuff he can do. And I know that. At the very least, he's a friend when the time comes. Unlike you, who put on a fake smile, everyday until the day of presentation, only to whine and complain to everyone. And the work done by you isn't even yours. AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I saw them doing their work. You were there too on Saturday. Even then you chose to lie your way through, and also brought along so many others with you.

That's all. To those reading this, thanks for the time. This is the kind of world I live in. Even then, there're always some good friends! And I know people who've been through far worse stuff than I do. To those people, I don't know what to say, just stay strong. You know who you are =). Good night.

20050314

Hosting Services - D4SH

I'm going to start up a hosting service, together with my friends Dian, Hilmi and Asheeq, as soon as possible. It'll be cheap, since we're mainly targetting people around our age. Moreover, this is mostly done for our own experience. The price plans are as follows:

Basic Plan:
50MB Space
1GB Bandwidth
SGD $3 / Month

Normal Plan:
100MB Space
2GB Bandwidth
SGD $5 / Month

Website, name card, logo and other design services are also provided at additional costs. We've tentatively set the price for a basic HTML site at around SGD $80. Just HTML, nothing else. Friends who are interested in this please contact me for more information. We'll try to get things up and running as soon as possible, and more information will be posted here, and in our upcoming website once everything is finalised.

For people who are interested in what our team has done thus far, take a look at the following links.

Dian:
http://www.timdorr.com/syko86/misc/dian/htmls/

Hilmi:
http://www.timdorr.com/syko86/blogspot/Dimensional%20Carpark.jpg
Right-Click & Save Target As... (Around 3.0MB)

http://www.timdorr.com/syko86/blogspot/Guzzini%20Board.jpg
Right-Click & Save Target As... (Around 3.0MB)

README.TXT

Some people have lives so smooth yet they whine all the time. They care only about themselves, deserting their friends once they get what they want. They claim that things are fine, that everything will be resolved, only to go around backstabbing you. Even worse, those who are influenced by these fuckers' bullshit are actually people you considered friends. You didn't even turn up for a friend who really needed support at that time. You disappeared. What was your reason?

I don't even want to hear it, because I already know. It's either "I've to study.", or "Busy. Got to go out with friends." or something similar. Honestly. Selfish bastards. As a sign of respect, I won't elaborate any further on this. I just hope the friend who needed support is much better now.

All I know is, when your friends needed you, you weren't there. Not once, not twice, but all the time. You don't even give a damn. Not just you, but you too. Nice phrase, eh? In fact, I feel ashamed I'm even bothered by dust such as yourself.

Your friends had faith in you, doing things they felt was right for you. What did you do?

Stop sinning only to confess each week, it's bullshit.

Backstabbing is really trendy nowadays. Thank goodness I don't follow trends, or I might end up being a disgrace to my parents.

20050313

Stupid Fuck

damn farking stupid poly people... according to the news sources more than 80% of poly grads cant get into university.... FARKING Losers !!!

WOOHOO.... so stupid. go study MORE TO GET INTO A JC instead of a poly damnit. blame it in your slackness and lack of intelligene that you cant get into a Jc. NOT EVEN FARKED JCS like YISHUN JC HAHAHAHAHAH


Source: http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?polybus&1

To the fucker who said this. Your ENGRISH really shows how FARKED you are. Blame it ON, not IN. You can't even spell intelligence right. Lol. I don't really care whether you're from a JC or Poly. You suck either way. THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE NOT IN A POLYTECHNIC, you'll probably bring down the reputation of whichever school you go to. You're really intelligene. Lol. GENE. I've intelligenes! I'm born smart! Just to humour you, FARK-ED you. Notice the ED.

20050308

For A Friend

To everyone out there, please hope or pray for my friend's Grandpa who is currently in a critical condition. Thanks... Just a while will do...

20050306

DSA

Alright, I've been spending the past 4 hours or so on DSA, trying to figure out certain things. I've finally managed to get the stupid thing to update the customer's profile. Also, loading the car models from the LinkedList into a Choice is now done! Yay! All that's left to do is to complete the transaction/renting module, and the report module. Well well... Wish me good luck!

20050305

The Conflict Within

Why do I still feel this weird uneasy feeling every time I see you or think of you? It's so fucked up. And what do I do to get rid of it? I simply block out everything. I can't believe I'm running away. But even harder to accept is the fact you don't care anymore. Everything. Fuck. I already have enough problems believing, and you made it worse. Faith is something I don't have.

I wish I could put my feelings into words. I've problems doing that. I wish I could blame you, but I don't want to live my life with excuses. I wish everything didn't end, yet I also wish I had never met you to begin with. Even then, I want to treasure everything and move on.

I knew I had to clear/think through everything in my mind once I'm done with my work and whatnots. I knew and I thought I was prepared for it. But till now, every time I think about ANYTHING related to you at all, I only feel this stupid sadness. It's pointless. If I could become logical about my feelings it would be so perfect, but how can feelings ever be rational?

I don't exactly think of you all the time, but every time I look back I find myself stopping. Every time I look at the past, I get stopped in my tracks. By myself. As long as you're in my memories I find it nearly impossible to move on. But I'm going to do it, somehow. I won't fucking let a girl control this life of mine. And you don't even seem to care. Yet I'm really happy each time I se your smiling face in Friendster, or anywhere else. I feel that you're truly happy now. Unlike back then, when you were with me.

You said you were happy with me, but I know now =). Lies, will always be lies, no matter how much you try to cover it. Truth is after all, what I choose to believe in.

I told myself I shouldn't place girls/relationships as an important factor in my life, and in a way I've succeeded. But my mind/heart somehow doesn't remove you along with the everything else. It's like my brain needs you to function. Just like you need a "Shut Down" function on your computer. Every time I think of you, my brain stops work on whatever it's been working on, and concentrates on you. Like an INTERRUPT. Yes, a High Priority Interrupt. Haha.

I think. You know, imagine building a wonderful sandcastle, only for you to destroy it yourself. Imagine someone building you a wonderful sandcastle, and then destroying it right in front of you, when it has already become a treasure to you.

But sandcastles were never made to last. Even if the waves don't hit it, it'll be affected by wind. It's all a matter of time before everything ends. Everything. Ends.

20050303

Projects

Spent the past 4 hours ++++++ doing/studying EWA. I've managed to get around 60% of it done already. Integration as well. Tomorrow/Later Jeremy's coming over, and we're going to finish it. Somehow I have to finish it. I'm dead tired but I can't stop =(. Sigh. Wish me good luck people =).

You can run, but you can't escape from your own shadow. Never.

20050301

?

I wonder if I could throw away everything and start anew. I'm so tired of everything that has been going on. I feel like I've achieved nothing at all over these past few months. No, I feel I've achieved nothing after 18 years of living. I'm happy once in a while, especially after doing something well, but that happiness fades away so quickly...

See for yourself what I've become. Just a product of this society, as much as I hate to admit. I don't know what I want anymore.

Stand alone, stand tall, stand strong. Look what you've done. This shattered person before you.

Some of us are putting so much effort into everything, but in the end, we take all the blame.

Really. This world isn't round at all. Everything's so unfair. Imagine putting all the trust you can in someone, all the belief you can in someone, only for that someone to destroy it all.

Almost every night I feel weak and helpless. Yet every day in school I've to put on a smile and act stupid and silly and everything.

DAMN IT.


Jet - Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Source: http://www.lyrics007.com