Alright, my COMPCOM paper's this Saturday, and I have not touched a SINGLE CHAPTER. That's not so bad, if I had actually paid attention during the lectures. But no, I haven't. In fact, I don't think anyone does. So within the next 4 days I've to TRY MY BEST and absorb as much as possible. It's like learning something new. I've no idea what the lectures are talking about at all. Best of all, I'm not even in the mood to even study. Yay for YC. Being awake at this time, and not studying, is proof that I'm screwed for sure.
Lately I haven't exactly been feeling well mentally/emotionally. Well, come to think of it, when was the last time I felt at peace with myself? Sometimes I really want to help people, want to believe, have faith, and whatnots. But damn, it almost feels that I'm destined not to. Almost. There's just a little bit of belief left in me that holds me together right now. Yet I feel tied down. By some stuff. Like the past, and some friends. Not that it's good, or bad. I know for sure, if there's nothing tying me down right now, I won't be what I am right now. Hilmi should've the best idea of what I mean. Lol. After all, we're the eternal Checkers rivals. Lol. I swear I was going to type something serious a while ago, but it ended with an "Lol". I think I'm seriously losing it.
I've almost no interest in anything or anyone anymore. It feels like I'm falling deeper everyday. Maybe there'll be light at the end. But it's not a tunnel, it's a pit. How can there be light at the end of a pit? Lol. I already know the ending to some stuff, why then do I keep trying to fight them? It's wearing me out, and I really want to stop and end everything. Yet I go on. My body doesn't want to listen to me.
Sometimes I have problems sleeping. I close my eyes and all I see is my future. Darkness. It's so uncertain, yet I already know I'll walk towards it. Until I see some light, some hope. Haha. But you know, hope always fails.
Have you ever felt so tired, you wish you could sleep forever?