20050401

Weird Dreams

The day before, well, actually 2 days before, on May 30, I had this really weird dream. Somehow I got to know a few, three I think, people who were sentenced to death. They were also tortured, with their tongues cut off, and whatnots. Although it wasn't a pleasant sight, I was somehow not afraid. No idea why. I think I was the prison warden or something, but that isn't important. Anyway, I knew them, and found out that they didn't really commit any crime serious enough to be sentenced to death. I became friends with them, and when the time came for one of them to be gone, I cried. In my dreams. I don't know what that dream was for, but I can more or less understand something from it. In this world, those people with the power have the say. The world was never fair to begin with. So yeah... Being misunderstood, not having the power to change anything, not having any say in anything... I can understand that feeling. I think the prisoners felt that way. Normally, I don't blog about my dreams, because I dream almost everyday, and I remember almost all of them. But this one was different. It was very vivid, it felt so real. When I woke up, I felt as though I was pulled from another dimension back to this. Anyway, I can only remember up to the point I cried, nothing after that.

I guess that's about it for the first weird dream. Now on to the second one. I was taking a nap just now (yesterday), on May 31, at 8pm or so. Anyway, I woke up at 12am. The thing is, I had a really sweet dream. It's been a long time since I've had sweet dreams. There was this beautiful girl in my dream, and somehow she's going overseas, and I'm her friend. Lol? So we were in 7-Eleven, buying the (redundant) snacks and drinks that she might be needing. Which 7-Eleven? The one in Pasir Ris Central, near my old house =). So yeah. I can't really remember what happened after that, but it was a sweet dream anyway. But yeah, dreams are just dreams =). You can make some dreams come true with your own hands, but there're some that will never come true, no matter what you do.

I called my ex-girlfriend yesterday, telling her I want to meet her next week to get something back. Well, it's something really important to me. Haha. Some small card with my face on it. Why is it important? Well, I had that small card with me since I was 5 or something, and it's precious because it's related to my family =). Anyway, she's doing well, so yeah =).

Well, I've been spending my time sleeping recently. Mainly because I'm really tired. My sleep debt is probably more than one month =P. Another reason is because I've nothing to do when I'm awake. Alright, I've to prepare for my SIP, study this and that, but that's about it. No entertainment, no nothing. I started playing Winning Eleven 8 only yesterday, but I'm already bored. It's a good game, I'm the one that's the problem. Previously, I spent the lonely nights with D4H, which means Dian, Asheeq and Hilmi respectively. But Dian has gone overseas for his SIP, while Hilmi is SLEEPING AT 10pm or 11pm every night, because he too, has SIP =(. Asheeq spends his time clubbing =P. So I'm all alone. I can't go out, due to the lack of money. I can't work, thanks to my SIP. In a way, my SIP has already started, so yeah. I hate going out and needing to borrow money for this and that. I can't ask for money from my mother this week, due to my insanely high phone bill last month. It's $100+ =(. I know it's nothing to some of you, but for me it's something. My mother is already working hard to provide for me, so yeah. On the other hand, I can possibly ask my father for it, but he probably needs the money for himself too. So I'm literally rotting at home. I don't even work out. Why? Because I'm damn tired, and I've no money to eat the necessary amount of food to work out =(.

Anyway, other than sleeping or doing nothing, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection, but the water is muddy. I can't see myself. But it's clearing up a little, I guess. You know, it's really nice to have someone whom you love by your side, loving you, and yeah. Hugging you, whatnots. But for someone like me, fat hope! Hahahaha =). The people I love will usually not love me. But the people I dislike/hate, will always dislike/hate me! Lol =). Well, before I sound too soft/emotional/wussy/pussy-like/weak/loser, to those who are single, you seriously should try getting attached =). It's a nice feeling. To be honest, I can't believe it when people say "I'm enjoying singlehood." I mean, what the hell. Isn't having someone else there to share your dreams a much nicer feeling? I think I've said that sentence myself before, but I was probably just running away. It's true, when you're single, you're "free", you can fool around, jackass others, sleep around (if that's your purpose), and whatnots. You can cut down on your phone bills, and you don't have to report your every single action to him/her. But do you even know what freedom is like? To begin with, if you really love someone, you shouldn't be thinking of any of the above.

Being attached is indeed expensive, and troublesome at times. If you're a guy, you'll probably spend a lot on her. Not just on gifts, but on transport. You'll start taking cabs, and stop taking MRTs and buses. You'll start spending more on her than yourself. And when it's your friend's birthday, you'll probably have to borrow money from another friend. Well, this only applies to people like me, and most of my friends. We aren't rich or well-off enough to support anyone other than ourselves, so yeah. But even for the rich ones, you'll start spending a lot of time with that special someone, and time is money ^_^. On the other hand, if you're a girl, you'll probably start learning weird stuff like sewing, making cookies, making this, making that, and whatnots. Maybe you'll start wearing sexier stuff. All these, to please that special someone. Of course, conflicts are bound to happen. Wear too little, and he's going to get angry. Lol. But all these are fun, aren't they? I think it's really fun =).

When you get home from a really tiring day, a call from him/her will probably cheer you up immediately. When the two of you are out and having nothing to do, even going to the supermarket, and pretending to be a married couple, is fun.

Well, well. I guess I'd better stop, before I become too soft/emotional/wussy/pussy-like/weak/loser. Haha =). Good night everyone =).

Simply Red - Stars
Anyone who ever held you
Would tell you the way I’m feeling
Anyone who ever wanted you
Would try to tell you what I feel inside
The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain’t faking
The only one you ever thought about
Wait a minute can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend

For the man who tried to hurt you
He’s explaining the way I’m feeling
For all the jealousy I caused you
States the reason why I’m trying to hide
As for all the things you taught me
It sends my future into clearer dimensions
You’ll never know how much you hurt me
Stay a minute can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend

Too many hearts are broken
A lover’s promise never came with a maybe
So many words are left unspoken
The silent voices are driving me crazy
As for all the pain you caused me
Making up could never be your intention
You’ll never know how much you hurt me
Stay can’t you see that i

I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I I feel you
I hope you comprehend
Source: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/

No comments: