20100215

Some tips to relatives and parents when dealing with children from divorced families:
1. Never ever ask the child how his other parent is doing unless you are SINCERELY concerned.
2. Never suggest to the child to leave whoever he is currently living with and live with the other parent instead.
3. Never talk bad about his parents.
4. Never talk like you know what it's actually like, because you obviously don't, and trust me you won't like the feeling.
5. Never act like you are all-knowing when you are just a spoilt brat from a "complete" family.
6. There are limits to everything.
7. Even when the other parent is no longer in touch with you, it doesn't mean that he or she does not care about you. Don't assume that the other parent is an asshole just because he or she left your sister/brother/etc.
8. You look like a complete asshole when you bitch about the other parent, when the other parent's been asking and hoping that you are doing well.

Most people love CNY. I don't. I will willingly let go of all this red packets if it means I can actually pass these 2 to 3 days happily. I visit because I want to, not because I have to. I no longer believe in the lame adage of visiting your elderly, because 90% of the time it's fake and nonsensical. I grew up believing that family ties are important, but now I realize you have to be selective. Not every family member actually gives a shit about you, and similarly, you should not concern yourself with all of them, just those that you actually care about. Also, not everyone is blind. The fake smile and insincere gestures are irritating ;).

Why am I writing this? This CNY was actually quite good, managed to meet a long-lost relative who is really nice :). I think that's the best part of this CNY actually. No, I'm not particularly attached to her or anything, but I'm glad there's another person among my relatives who is actually genuinely nice. I tend to like genuine assholes more than fake "niceties", and I love genuinely nice people the most :). However, good things don't last, they almost never do. My mother has always been nice about me visiting my father's side. In fact, she's the one who reminds me to like 80% of the time. She's always asking how's my relatives are doing, especially my grandma. Sadly, some people on my paternal side seem to think that my mother's not a good person, for whatever reason. You know what, I can't make you like my mother, but please respect me and my sister. Don't talk shit about my mother to us, it's the lamest thing possible. Don't even try to hint. That only makes you look bad, and makes me lose a lot of respect for you. If I already dislike you it's not so bad. It hurts like hell when it's someone I respect and idolize.

We are old enough to judge for ourselves what we think is right or wrong, we don't need your unnecessary input. As though that wasn't bad enough, I returned to my maternal side to see even more nonsense happen. Lesson learnt, if you are nice you tend to get bullied, even by your own blood.

Anyway, I'm not sad, but full of disappointment and anger. Sometimes I wish I was more detached, oh well :).

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