20050615

Re.

Imagine watching someone precious to you becoming less and less of the person you knew with each passing day. You're just an observer, someone who probably understands the most, but has the least power. You can try to bring the old her back, but you'd probably die trying. Or maybe, you already know, whatever you do, the old her's never coming back. You can't do anything, can you? All you can do is watch and ache. Watch her change as your heart aches. Tell me, what would you do?

No, I'm not even saying that you love her. Maybe you loved her. Even then, she was, and will probably be someone precious to you for the rest of your life. What would you do? Move on with life, and act like this person never existed? Or keep holding on, hoping that someday the old her will return, maybe not as a lover, but at least as a friend. At least, as someone you can recognize. What would you do?

Add that to the fact that you're currently facing more problems than the average person at your age should face, what would you do? You hate whining, and the truth is, you do feel lucky compared to others around you. Yet, these problems affect you so much they tear your sould apart. So what if you're good results, or good whatever? Who's there to share the joy? Who's there to share the pain? You were never the type who could ignore the problems. You just keep challenging them, until they're all solved. Yet, every once in a while, something without a solution comes up. So, what would you do?

You probably want to find someone to blame, yet the only person you can think of happens to be someone who was, and still is, very precious to you. Even then, you feel like a product of all the games played by everyone around you. A product without a will. A product of this society. What would you do? You'd probably still hug her when you see her. No, not probably. You know you'll still hug her, and just wish that time stops. Yet, you also know that some things once gone, will never return again. As much as people always say nothing's impossible, you know it yourself, that some things are really impossible.

As though that's not bad enough, you come across things that completely shatter your beliefs. Even some of your friends turn out to be completely different from what you thought they were.

Why did things turn out this way, when all you ever wished for was for a little happiness, together with all the precious ones around you?

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