20050716

To My Dearest Sister

Recently I found out that my sister hasn't been attending school. Since school started 3 weeks ago, she's only present for 5 times. All these while, none of my parents, nor myself, suspected anything.

Then her teacher gave my mother a call, and my mother told me. My mother was patient and calm about it. She told me she'd wait for my sister to come home, then talk to her properly. I felt it wasn't fair if my father doesn't know about it, so I gave him a call. He got one of his close friends, who's quite close to my sister, to help. Somehow, my sister decided that not coming home would be the best thing to do. She'd probably say, "I want to be alone and think through things." or something similar.

When my mother was sick for nearly the whole of last week, where were you? Mother was sick, down with this virus that makes her really giddy, and she still worked hard for you. The last time we talked properly, you said I didn't care about you anymore. Do I not? I barely have time for myself, and I almost never see you at home. The only time you're at home is when both mother and I are at work and in school, respectively. The only time you're at home is when you're skipping your lessons. Kinda cool, right? Skipping lessons with your friends, and bringing all of them to OUR house. Dirtying OUR house. Those fucking friends of yours who would probably kill and steal for a living. I'd really like to meet them one day. By then, you'd probably be one of them as well.

You know what? Each time you decided to run away from home, mother couldn't sleep the whole night. Father calls me repeatedly. I ALMOST ALWAYS END UP QUARRELLING WITH BOTH OF THEM. In fact, I do. What the fuck do you know? You already know father and mother aren't on very good terms, yet for your own selfish reasons you ignore this fact. Has father ever called you to ask about me? Almost never. He always calls me to ask about you. You claim mother dotes on me more. What about the times she took you to Malaysia, leaving me alone at home? What about the times when we went out, and she asked you if you wanted anything, only to have you show her a black face? I believe both mother and father love us equally, just in different ways. But you, you like to compare. You complain about me having complete freedom, and whatnots. Hey, wake up. How old are you? Anyway, whatever freedom I've today, I earned it on my own. When I was your age I still got caning. What about you? When was the last time you got caned? I earned this freedom, get this in your head. I studied when needed, and did well. I called back to let them know I won't be coming home. I DON'T LOSE MY TEMPER AT THEM WHEN THEY ASK ME FOR A LITTLE HELP IN HOUSEKEEPING.

Yet all you do is whine. Whine, while mother worries about your safety, while father worries about your safety, while I, worry about mother's health, worry about father's health, worry about them arguing again, and worry about you. Worried that you might do something really stupid. Wake up.

It almost feels like you're playing all of us out, you know that? Mother locked her room, probably hoping that it would stop you from changing clothes and thus, going out, but what did you do? You brought someone home to spoil the door knob/lock. Your own home. Have you got no conscience? By the way, the box of Hawaiin Host chocolates wasn't for your fucking friends. It was for you, and for mother. I don't remember being rich enough to treat your friends without knowing it. 1/2 of the chocolates was gone when mother finally wanted to eat it.

You said you've dreams too. I still remember what your dreams are. But all you're doing now is destroying them with your own hands. Your friends, have they ever talked to you about anything else other than "love", or how much they hate your other friend? Are you that weak that you can't stand alone for yourself? That weak that you would mix with the wrong bunch of fuckers just for support? People who can't even control themselves, till the point where they can't help it but finger themselves at the back of the class during Chinese lesson, and then proudly tell you how pleasurable it is. Maybe I should put their names and school here the next time. You know what's right, or what's wrong. But you simply refuse to change. Why?

No comments: