20060521

~!@#$%^&*()_+

And you ask yourself why you're smiling
All that you're holding on to is fading
Why should you give a damn about anyone?
When no one spares a thought for you?

I don't know what the fuck I'm writing actually. Lots of things have been happening. Things just don't go all well for me. Whenever I'm happy, there's still something sad/unhappy that'll just appear in my mind and spoil my mood. On the contrast, whenever I'm sad, I find it difficult to remember something happy to cheer myself up. Today I watched, "I Not Stupid Too/2", yes, a little old I know, but this was the first time I watched it. There's this part that the little boy says "FAMILY - Father And Mother, I Love You." I think it's pretty nice and meaningful =). Those people that actually read this blog and care, thank you =).

My family problems have been affecting me for many years already. 4 years at least. I'm tired already. I just feel so god damn fucking tired and just giving all these shit up. Just ignore everything. Everytime my father calls me I know there's going to be a problem. Heck, 7/10 times there's a problem. I already know it, yet I still pick up the phone. Not because I want to, or need to, but because I have to. Because as a son it is only right that you respect your parents and pick up their phone calls when they call you and whatnots. But sometimes I ask myself, can I choose NOT to pick the call up? There're many times I convinced myself to do just that, but everytime I just feel so shitty I'll call back within 15 minutes, which defeats the purpose. All I'm asking for is a simple happy life for now. Like, I know not everything's alright, but at least don't add anymore problems for me, or remind me of things that I'd rather not remember. I don't understand why my father always feels that my mother's playing mind games with him. I don't, really. Because from what I see, all my mother wants is to live each day peacefully and happily. I also don't understand why my mother's blaming my father for so many fucking things till today, because from what I feel, she should just forgive and forget and move on. Isn't that what all adults teach their kids? I love my parents a lot, really. I also understand they're doing what they feel is best. I think it's because I understand so much that it causes so much pain for myself. They don't understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of everything, to be the punching bag for everything.

Regarding my sister, I no longer have much to say for/about her. Yesterday was my father's and my paternal grandmother's lunar birthday (yes, mother and son has the same birth day, same birth time even), and my sister wasn't there, and she didn't bother contacting us the whole day. She had earlier (at least 4 days in advance) promised she would turn up. She later called us and said she got called up for some last minute work as EXPO. To which I asked, "Can't you at least drop us an sms?" To which she replied, "Orh." The weird thing is, my friend saw her in Simei later on. I can accept that she went to Simei after her work, but then my father's tenant saw her return to his house around 6pm and changing clothes. We've been trying to get her since like 4pm or something. I'm sick and tired of everything related to her. I can't wait for the day her friends vanish from my life. Why do people always throw away everything they have and then claim they've nothing?

All I'm asking for is my father to have a better temper, especially when it comes to my sister. I'm always getting all the shit when he can't find my sister. Maybe I should for once disappear as well. I'm also hoping my sister will one day wake up and walk a proper path of life, instead of wasting her life away like this. Last but not least, I hope my mother will one day talk to my father again. Myself, I just want to be happy. Is it that difficult?

On to another topic, I've always been asking myself why is it that the education system in Singapore is so unfair. JC students get to travel cheaper than Poly students. Why? I shan't complain, especially when those students from private institutions don't even get any concession passes at all. Are we considered lousier than JC students or something? Then you're going to get the explanations, that Polys are independent bodies, bla bla and bla. That's the Polys' problem, we're still students! Then you get those occasional JC students who'll say, "Poly students sucks. They're stupid, etc." Anyway, it should be "Poly students suck." without the "s". You'll also get those Poly students who'll say, "ITE students are dumb." and shit. If bringing down others makes you feel a little better yourself, I think your life's better off ended. I know I'm going off-topic =\.

Then again, I think the way that some people carry themselves are simply so screwed it's little wonder why others look down on them. The sad thing is an entire school/institution will get looked down on just because of a few bad eggs.

Well =(.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

I came across this quote while surfing randomly just now. I think it's nice =).

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