20060510

Rotten

I've been wanting to write for the past 2 days or so but I'm just so damn tired, disheartened, and sick. Sick of all these shit, and sick, literally, with sore throat, and now flu. I decided to write this because if I don't do it now I doubt I ever will.

As I said in some of my posts, my TP life was some of the best and worst times in my life. You know, I really miss the good times. But no way in hell would I want the bad times to repeat itself. Firstly, there was this guy, whom I really thought would make a good friend. Sadly, people are selfish. Save your ass before others, I guess. I can let it go I guess, but something I heard recently from a really good friend of mine got me pissed all over again. Don't act so fucking righteous and soft in front of others, when you're just a damned hypocrite who can't be bothered about anyone else. I feel like an idiot for hoping that things would work out among us time and again. You know what, I don't give a fucking shit anymore. You, only know how to wayang, and tripod (a term taught to me by Wee Quan). Basically, wayang means act. Tripod means suck up and carry people's balls. I hate to admit, but wayang and tripod have gotten you quite far, hasn't it?

Then there's this thing that I really wanted to have. I was hoping for at least a chance, but no, I wasn't even called up for the preliminary interviews. Time and again, politics have proved itself to be a far greater power than effort. Great. Some of my closer friends will know what I'm talking about. I don't, and can't, elaborate here for certain reasons. I felt devastated when I got the fucked up news though. Yes, I did get something. No, it wasn't what I was hoping for. I felt like a fool for working so hard for something, only to let people who can wayang and tripod take it away. True, some of them were really deserving of whatever they got, but I'm sure there are many others who didn't get what they deserve.

Thankfully, I've really great parents. My mother consoled me a lot, I know she was hurting inside. I fucking wanted to bring home something that would've made her proud of me. My father, tried cheering me up. Come to think of it he's actually quite concerned about me, just not as much as for my sister, but I'm happy already =). Anyway, I'm only happy that I got what I had without wayang-ing or tripod-ing my way through, but then again, it's a consolation. Geri was great too =). Thanks darling ^^. Some others said some meaningful stuff to me as well, and hey, thanks!

Anyway, I'm feeling much better already, but what has happened recently has made me remember why I'm so distrustful of others in the first place. I guess that's all for now, whatever it is I'd rather be myself =). Also, Nicholas, Raj and Amir will be leaving for Thailand in a few hours' time. Let's all hope they've an enjoyable holiday! They'll be back on the 15th. On that very day, Jeremy and his Jojo will be leaving for Hong Kong! ^_^

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