20060529

Minor Things

My uncle passed away around 8 hours ago, sometime around 7pm on the 28th of May. Although I've never been really close to him, I feel sad whenever I hear about someone passing away. I used to dislike him, largely because he caused a lot of trouble to my parents, and betrayed my father a couple of times. I guess I was naive back then, probably just needed someone to put the blame on. Right now I don't really care what he did.

Back then I always forced myself to excel at whatever I did, because I wanted to succeed one day and return the favour to whoever has caused me so much shit. But now I don't care anymore. I feel like an idiot for not being able to let go when needed to, for not being able to forgive.

When I saw him at the hospital a few days ago, it was a really weird feeling. A part of me really felt sorry for him, but another part of me told me I shouldn't care. At the end of the say I realised I was a fool. It didn't matter what he did. The fact was he did the things he did, probably because he had things he wanted to protect as well. All I'm wishing for now is for him to finally find some peace. When matters of life and death are at stake, what is hate? It's nothing.

On to another topic, a certain good friend of mine has been facing shit from a couple of cowards recently. I don't know what to say to these people anymore. They've hurt more people than they've protected. Yet they speak so bravely on their blogs, on MSN Messenger, on whatever. But they don't have the guts to even open their mouth in person, or even pick up the phone. You know, if you're a coward, don't act tough. You look stupid. Sometimes, maybe you should take a step back and reflect on what your actions have caused others.

To one of you, you've caused an entire clique to break up. You did nothing to stop it. You even acted like you were a victim. I don't really care about that anymore, but please don't repeat the same mistake, like what you're doing now.

To another one of you, you've spoilt someone's reputation in school, when he's tried so hard to cover up for you back in the CENT Club days. You act all religious and nice, yet admit that you'd suck up just to avoid trouble. I also know what you've said to others about me behind my back, and kept quiet. Why?

I know the latter part of this blog doesn't seem to make any sense or anything at all, but I'm really tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically. If you want trouble, just admit it. If you want peace, please do what it takes. Why are you all such hypocrites? I don't even look forward to graduation anymore. If it weren't for some of my friends, and the thought of my mother and Geri smiling when I'm on stage, I wouldn't want to turn up at all. All these political bullshit backstabbing is just so dumb. I guess this is the world after all. Senseless. Self-righteous selfish people.

But you know what? All these are nothing when compared to death. Really. Why play all these childish games when you could spend that time making someone happy? Why?

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