Young man, have you ever considered the foolishness of your actions before acting on them? You have spent the past 4 years with that lady. Someone whom you call "Love", "Dear", and all those silly mushy names. You have spent time and effort in the relationship, wishful thinking on your part that someday, that person is going to be the one walking down the aisle with you, as your beloved parents and friends watch in awe. When you reach the end of the aisle, there will be those loving vows, and of course, the exchanging of rings. Next, both of you would probably do THE kiss of your life. On the other hand, your mind tells you that it will never happen, while your heart tries to make a fool out of you. You tell yourself, what harm can a little daydreaming do?
I'd say, wake up. It is a wonderful thing that the relationship is over. Think about the times when you went over to her house and cooked for her some new dish you just learnt. She had told you she'd be back by 10pm, making you stupidly wait till 2am in the morning. It is amazing that you'd even cook for her, considering you are a guy. The only thing I've ever cooked for my girlfriend was instant noodles, and you know what, she's probably more appreciative of the instant noodles than your ex-girlfriend was appreciative of your baked pasta. Sad, but true.
You put so much trust in her, yet she trusts you less than her dog. You can't even spend a night out with your guy friends without her calling, and of course, quarelling. It's like a part of your relationship. A quarrel a day keeps the couple gay. Of course, gay as in happy. That said, I wouldn't be surprised if you turned gay either, considering the sort of love you were receiving from your love. I still remember the time when you had to wake up in the middle of the night, go to I-forgot-the-name club, just to bring her home because she was drunk and vomiting like Singapore's Merlion. To top it off, she gave you a slap of love for your hateful actions.
Of course, what kind of relationship would it be if your girlfriend does not constantly compare you to other guys? It was a necessity for your relationship, with her kindly reminding you many a times to "Buck up" or she is going for the other wonderful guys. The constant need to remind you that you're a dispensable item to her was important to make you treasure her all the more. Ah, love is truly fleeting. It comes and go at will. At her will.
I still remember the times when she'd somehow tell you that she has fallen for another guy. One of those memorable, "I love you, but I like him" situations. Yet you, being the
You know, they say not to judge a book by its cover, but with your girlfriend, that theory has been truly proven wrong. I remember the first time you brought her out to meet us, and that first words that came out of her mouth in response to a joke I made was, "What the fuck?" Till today, we still remember her as the "WTF" girl. Of course, there has to be something you like about her. I figured it out after a while. She's like a kitten! The first time you took her out for some movie, you reported back to us this exact sentence (as much as I remember), "I only placed my hands on her leg, stroked it a bit, and she tells me she's feeling high!" We were like, "Truly, WTF?"
Then there was the incident of you working your ass off for her sake, only to log on to oh-fucking-Friendster and find out she's cheating behind your back. Of course, this had to be the straw that broke your back. You called her up immediately, and decided to unleash a barrage of vulgarities on her. It was the first time you had ever done that. Maybe the fact that it was 4am made you a little more profane than usual. Of course, your sweet darling gave you the usual "I'm sorry. I love you but I like him" reason again. Being the
So you met her and spent some loving moments together, even exchanging saliva with your wagging tongues. It didn't matter that she's confused. All you wanted was her after all. After some talking which had obviously lots of rationale, both of you decided to give each other some space (just 4 days apart). She even made that promise to you that she wouldn't keep in touch with the other guy either, just to be fair. Of course, you happily nodded your head. 4 days passed, and she didn't call you. Logically you know, the relationship's gone for good. Sadly, you chose to defy logic again. You mustered your courage, picked up the phone, and dialed her number. She picks up the phone, and seems happy that you called. "There's some hope," you tell yourself. Of course, there is some hope. You hear another guy's voice in the background. Hope always fails. While you spent the past 4 days alone, giving yourself some space, she has been hanging out with the guy that she likes but doesn't love! Promises are meant to be broken after all.
So you became single. For the first time in 4 years. You've been out of the game for so long you're completely lost as to how to even start a conversation with a girl. You're heartbroken. You spend your days sleeping, and your nights drinking. You spend your money as though you were so-fucking-rich. Of course you are! You're now paying only for one person instead of two! After mourning over your loss for 2 months, you started having a life again. For the first time you actually felt alive. Good things never last, my friend.
After 5 months of enjoying yourself, you received a call from her one day. She's crying, and telling you that she truly misses you. You aren't the same person anymore though. You told her that you'd rather just be friends. You still liked her, of course, but there's no trust anymore. You actually felt in control of your life for once. Time passed by, and the two of you grew closer, yet you still do not want to be with her again. You needed more time. However, as love is fleeting, just when you thought that things might work out after all, she decides to tell you that she rather focus on her studies. You lost, again. Almost like you were dumped again! I do not even want to write here the things that happened after that. You ARE a fucking tool to her, admit it.
I shall not continue writing out of that little respect I have left for certain people. So young man, have you ever thought that for these past 4 years, if you had chose to let your mind take control sometimes, instead of your heart, you might have actually turned out a lot better than you are right now? As you lay here in the hospital due to a failed suicide, I really hope you wake up and actually start living for yourself. Because if you don't, then you are better off you-know-what. You're still my friend, of course, in life and is death. After all, like love, friendship is fleeting too.