20041111

Bad Day For The CaveBots =(

Bah... =*(. That's all. Come on, let's be strong =).

I probably mean nothing to you, but you already mean something to me. Some things will never be, and I wasn't born with any power to change fate. Hope always fails. Thus, I've learnt to always expect nothing but the worst. This way, I'll never be disappointed, and can always be happy if something good happens. No matter how strong I become, a girl will always make me fall apart. I can still stand strong, but pieces of me are already crumbling away. Why? Why is it that no matter how hard I try, every single word from you softens me? Clubbing seems like the perfect escape for me... I don't know, really. I seriously hate myself sometimes. I'm practically being a puppet on purpose. Just to see you smile. A little appreciation goes a long way, a little honest will always prevent someone from getting hurt. The truth always hurts. Even then, it's better than being a fool by being lied to. I'm getting more emotionless each day. It's exhausting. I'm tired already. I wake up all the time with my mind completely jumbled up. Do you even understand?

The ceiling is my best friend at times. Ten years from now, will I still be like this? No, ten years from now, will I still be alive? Maybe... I should start living for myself. No, I already am living for myself. All this "suffering" is due to my own selfishness anyway. In the end, it's always my fault. It always has been. I'm the perfect imperfection. Flawed. I make myself laugh. Weak beyond words. Doing well academically means nothing, when I fail as a human. The puzzle's always incomplete. Always has been. With, or without you, it's all the same. Hell will always rage with fire. Burn... Burn my heart away and I can become a perfect human. One without unnecessary emotions such as sadness and worry.

We're always under the same sky, eh? When you're away in some place far away, look at the sky and remember me. When I'm in some place far away, I look at the sky and see the emptiness. Even with stars, it's... Still dark. Watch my walls with the blood stains on it, blood from me as I punch the walls every night desperately, trying to find an answer. I can never understand the pain of those who're suffering from terminal illnesses like cancer, but I'm sure the emotional strain on them is always... Much much more painful than the physical pain. Some of these people have more right to live than me. And sometimes, I feel I've more right to live than some people. Just... Sometimes.

Note: The above was written by someone not exactly in a right state of mind, and thus, some parts of it might be false. Might.

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