20041116

Why...?

Damn it, I typed a long post and closed it accidentally.

Sigh. Anyway, here I go again...

Why can't I bear to see you cry even though we aren't a couple anymore...? Time and again, I've tried to let go of you. Just yesterday, I was close to letting go of you, but when I woke up today, my mind was once again filled with memories of you and me. With the sweet girl who was with me for 2 years. Sometimes I wish I can just walk away, and many times I've already did. But this time, you called me, and cried over the phone. You told me you still have feelings, that you wanted to be together. But at the end of it all, you said "my feelings are there but I feel they aren't strong enough to start a relationship". I don't understand, I really don't. It almost sounds like you're forcing yourself to be with me... I don't know what I want anymore. Damn. Since the last time I met you, I've been doing fine and going strong. At least I thought so. I spent the days sleeping, and the nights playing Counter-Strike and NFSU2 demo with D.A.S.H. Haha. Thanks guys. It was fun. Owning and getting owned in Counter-Strike is fun, challenging one another in that ONE AND ONLY circuit track in that NFSU 2 demo is fun. Time-trialling ourselves. Woohoo.

But then you called. Then I realised for that 3 weeks of so, I was really numb and cold inside. I guess I've turned my back on my emotions. I wish I could just turn and walk away. But I don't ever want to see you cry again. Maybe you and I are really from completely different worlds... Maybe your parents were right in not letting you be with me. After all, if you're an angel, I'm definitely a demon. Even then, I always thought I could protect you for who you are. Protect that naive innocent girl from the filth of this world. In the end, I'm the one who's filthy. Every time I think about your parents, I seriously wonder if it's ever possible for us to be together again... Girl, if I could turn back time I would. I really would. A relationship without trust is useless, a relationship without love... is even worse. To do things under obligation is really dumb. I'm scared of the pain too. For once, pain doesn't seem to help me realise anything. It's probably because I'm too heartless or something.

I don't know what I want
Neither do I give a damn
I only want to run away
Fly away to paradise
Death's only a second away
All it takes is a cut
A cut to the wrist
Is all it takes
Sit back and relax
Watch the blood flow
As I slowly fall asleep
An eternal slumber
Where I can be happy
With you, my girl
Even though...
All's a dream,
And I'm the nightmare.

And some people... Don't even take this seriously =). Don't come and "Lol" me. It's not funny, and it's insulting enough that you don't care. Please don't add to it.

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