20041020

Listen... Just Listen To Me... For Once.

After talking to Joven and Kelvin just now, I realised both of them are more or less in the same situation as me. Whatever I'm going to type now will be 100% honest. I didn't want to accept all these initially, but after reading Dian's blog just now, I guess I'll just be honest to myself. Since the day I lost her, my ex-girlfriend, I have never really passed a day without thinking of her. In a way, I can't really forget about her. What about her? I don't know. Everything, I suppose. In another way, I've moved on, there're other people I... Honestly think I like a lot. Sorry girl, for answering "No" when you asked me if there's anyone I'm interested in right now. There is someone I've really taken a liking to, but a part of me still longs for the past sometimes. And it wouldn't be fair to anyone at all, the way I am right now.

I'm thankful you sms-ed me just now, to ask how I am. My friends are probably going to say I should just move on and stuff. I've moved on already, really, I have. Maclean always says you're no longer the same girl you were, and stuff. I wonder. And whether the answer is a yes or no, it doesn't matter anymore. All I want to remember are the happy times we had, and move on. I want to be able to smile when I think of you, even though you are no longer here with me. I still remember what you've done, or did, not just for me, but for my friends.

- When you went to Malaysia, you bought a wallet and a T-shirt, one for Poh Tiam, the other for Kelvin.
- You went to find the advertisement and location of a shop which makes rice pendants cheaply for Maclean.
- When Alan took part in a singing competition, you kept on reminding me to wish him good luck.

The list goes on... The things you did... You were really nice. I guess that's what makes it so damn hard to forget you. So, just one more time, thank you for the times we had, if you ever read this. I'm looking forward to the date, just to see how you are =).

While I was with you, I neglected many of my other friends. Not Maclean and the rest, but Kelvin and my other old friends. This is one of the greatest mistakes I've made... And I'm sorry. Thanks to all of you who stayed by my side, although Kelvin is a little gay at times ^_^.

I was feeling really down just now, especially after talking to Joven -_-. He's a bad influence. Lol. Thankfully, I got an email from one of my teachers asking me to do some things, and in the moment, I remembered my priorities. What Dian said in his blog is true, we don't have time to waste in this life. Moreover, I've always felt I wouldn't live long. No idea why :(. I hope I live till at least 65... Or something. All I want to do right now is find some peace within myself, and make someone happy. Not anyone, but a special someone.

By the way, anyone of you have any information on the group CAGNET? They seem to have some nice music, but I can't find information on them anywhere :(.

Edit: Changed the music to "Cagnet - Close To You"

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