20041016

Remembrance

I spent last night thinking through lots of stuff... Going through all the stuffs I can remember. It's interesting how much I've changed, and not changed. Things that were fun and stuff seem so boring now. Things that felt right now feels wrong. Haha. When you're young all you do is enjoy, without caring about the consequences. I'm still young, and I still do that at times I suppose. Just not as much as the past. Life is a paradox. Feels so long and boring at times, yet before you know it, 2 years have passed. And then it's too late to change anything. Too late for regrets.

I thought about what I really wanted in life, and why shit happens to me for no apparent reason at all. What exactly did I do wrong to deserve this crap, and what did I do right... Bla bla bla. I probably did lots of wrongdoings as a kid, some I shouldn't even tell anyone. Some of these can't even be forgiven. That's probably why I'm facing all these crap now. Yeah :). I do deserve them after all. Guess I got to stop whining and complaining. After that, it's my mistake. Just want to spend the rest of my life making up for all those mistakes... Make someone happy... Etc.

But then again I might not even deserve the right to do that. Yeah. Life rocks, I suck. Sometimes all I ever wanted to do was protect someone I like, or love if you want to put it that way, but all I ever do is end up irritating or hurting them. My parents all say I seem very cold from the outside, so cold that I'm unapproachable at times. Even my ex-girlfriend, and some of my friends say that. Haha. I don't feel any warmth in myself too. Bah. I try to care, be concerned, but all I ever do is irritate. Maybe this is a selfish world after all. Care only for yourself, no one else. Don't help unless asked. Is this the way to lead my life? This is selfish, and stupid...

And some of you are probably thinking I'm crapping, suit yourself.

Was reading the Bleach manga yesterday, when I saw this saying.

Unless I grip the sword, I cannot protect you.
While holding the sword, I cannot embrace you.


How true and meaningful... :)

Anyway, finally sold my XBox, and bought another 20kg of weights (4 x 5kg), and a pair of ankle weights, each weighing 2.27kg. Bought it at Parkway Parade with Tiong Guan. Still left with enough money to survive, and hopefully get someone something... I still have to by a 5ft barbell, and a pull-up bar. Sigh, that would set me back another 60 to 80 dollars. Bah. I've no life anyway, might as well start working out more... Too skinny :(. Need a job soon. Wonder how's everyone else doing... I feel so disconnected from this world. Solipsism, eh...? Haha. Everything's an illusion? I wish. Not.

Here I am drinking my troubles away
There you are kissing your new boyfriend
How am I going to pass another day
When I can't even begin to comprehend

Crappy writing from me, once again. Boredom is a dangerous feeling. Causes the mind to wander off and think of unnecessary stuff. Ignoring the important things, and focusing on the minor things in life. Yeah, I'm bored.

Before I forget, just want to post about a REALLY RETARDED friend of Roy. I didn't hear about it until today, but from what I've gathered, their conversation went something like...

Retarded Friend: Hey you should come to City Harvest Church with me...?

Roy: Why?

Retarded Friend: You don't believe in God, and I can sense the darkness in you.


Come on, I respect all religions, but telling someone he has darkness in him is absolute bullshit. I believe that evil stuffs and etc. exist, but you're saying you've NO DARKNESS in you? Roy must have suffered a lot, after being insulted by you. Lol. Sorry to all the truly devoted Christians out there, no offense :).

Lastly, I saw this really cute girl wearing a gray shirt on 38 today. Even Tiong Guan said she is cute. She's really cute. She sat at the last row, with her friend. I was standing initially, but there was enough space later on at the last row for me. So I went to sit, carrying 10kg of weights in one hand, and wearing the ankle weights. I was worried about hitting others, so I tried to be cautious and stuff. Anyway, the moment I sat down, both the girls went all the way to the other end of the seat. Am I that unfriendly? :( Bah. By the way, the other 10kg of weights were with Tiong Guan, and he got a sit before I did. To end this really long and redundant paragraph, I'm trying to tell you all that girl was really sweet. She even smiled at a baby. Sweet face!

Last but not least, I was wondering what my arm would look like with a tattoo on. So I got this font which is actually a collection of tattoo designs, and this is what I got.



Lol. Looks nice? Alright, enough shit from me. Take care and stay well everyone :).

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