YCYC

20040923

Long Post...

This might turn out to be a really long post...

Today
As I stated in the previous post, I was up till 7am or so. Then I took a short nap till 8.30am, woke up, took my breakfast with me and left the house. Took a cab and reached school around 9 or so. Ate breakfast in class. Tiong Guan reached around 9.15am with the circuit, and again, the counter STOPPED working properly. Just yesterday it was FINALLY counting from 1 to 9, and today it started counting 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 again. Anyway, I went to the Cyber Centre with Roy to print out the ELNDES report and the OADES report. When I returned, the circuit still didn't want to work properly. Anyway, Gregory didn't bring his Discovery Journal, and didn't even bother to inform me about it. Seriously dude, have some RESPONSIBILITY. Then for no reason at all the circuit started counting correctly again. What the hell. Anyway, Mr Clement Chew then interviewed us, one by one. Mine went rather well. Come to think of it, he's not as bad a teacher as I thought he was.

Later on was OADES, and for some stupid reason the code that WORKED PERFECTLY fine at home did not work. Anyway after some modification it worked, and my group got an A for the demonstration. Haha. Anyway, I've no idea why Tiong Guan passed the fucking OADES report, which I SPENT ONE WHOLE NIGHT DOING ALONE, to another group to copy. What the fuck? I didn't really want to bother anymore. Hope I won't be stuck with this kind of members in future, seriously.

Sometimes all I ask for is a little appreciation. While you guys were playing your games, sleeping and enjoying in dreamland, I was up awake, doing all the report. And just because you patched like 1/5 of the circuit doesn't mean you've done a lot. I can easily do that part too, dude. Why don't you do the report alone? This is the THIRD report, and NONE OF YOU HELPED. Ok, Maclean did offered his help, but seriously, isn't it a bit too late? Firstly, PCOMSYS, then OADES and ELNDES. What have you all done? How I envy Jian Feng's and Roy's group. At least their members do their work.

Anyway, my diskettes (2 of them) somehow got corrupted before the OADES lesson, and Wee Quan drove me home so I can re-copy the OADES files and whatnots. Thanks a lot man. I didn't really have a good impression of him until today. Maybe I'm too prejudiced and stereotype people too easily. Boon Wei has been a great help for my ELNDES project as well. Seriously, thanks. Hope I've been of help to your OADES project.

Perfectionism
I've always been a perfectionist. This is probably why those people around me always feel very pressued and pushed by me. To those people who don't deserve it, sorry. Things should be as perfect as possible. Otherwise, why waste the time and effort to do them? If you want to do something, give it your all. That's all I will say. And I know some of you don't agree with me. Keep it to yourself. You probably don't even know how tough it is being a perfectionist. People say I'm proud and stuff, when all I really want is to do things as well as I can, and see where I stand.

Love & Lust
I've no idea what I am feeling right now. It's going to be 4 months since I broke up with her. In my current state all I care about is how a girl looks. But what I really want is just a nice girl who can share my dreams and stuff. I won't deny, without looks I won't even bother. Sorry if I sound like a bastard, but I've no intention of portraying myself as an angel on my blog. Dislike me if you want, despise me. I really miss the feeling of having someone wonderful by my side. But this very fact shows that I'll probably not find someone I really like for a long time. I'm scared I'll end up hurting a girl by using her as a substitute. I've no intention of doing that. Maybe I'm too young to talk about finding a soulmate and stuff. I probably am. Dreams are just dreams, they always will remain dreams. Dreams that came true before are shattered now... It's worse than them not coming true at all. But I'm still thankful I got some dreams realized for at least a while...

After I broke up with my girlfriend I've done some rather stupid things. Spending one week doing nothing but whining. Made my mother and father worry. Made my sister worry. Made my close friends worry. Went to ask a girl for her number. That was the first time I ever did that in my whole life. That girl is "5". And what do I realise now? It's probably an act to run away. I don't even know "5", how can I even like her? Seriously. And I seem to like every girl I'm talking to. What the hell? Someone please wake me up. I haven't gone to a temple for quite some time, I should go soon... Find some peace.

Dreams
My dreams are... Really... To get into the Director's List for 2 more years. Graduate with a Diploma with Merit. Then I'll have to go for NS. After that, go on to university, take Computer Science. Graduate well. Get a good job with good money. Visit my "relatives". Settle down. Enjoy life.

Hopefully get a soulmate on the way somehow. Treat her well. Spend quality time with her. Treasure her. I would want to sing Wang Jie's "Xi Wang" to her. Make her happy. Be a pillar for her. Just make her really happy. Make her parents happy. Protect her. Don't let her down.

But I don't think these dreams will come true anymore... Maybe some of them yes... I'll achieve them... But getting a soulmate, is probably impossible for someone like me. Maybe I should just forget about these dreams and work towards one goal... Power. With power I would be able to get all I want... Maybe not. I want to be happy... But I'm pessimistic by nature... Damn I should just die and be forgotten.

Alright, time to go... Got to finish up MAP by tomorrow... Good luck for your examination! ;)

No comments: