20040928

Written In The Library

I wrote the following while in the library today, sometime around 4pm...

One more week and its the examinations. But here I am, unable to fully concentrate. I just finished Chapter 1 of Math, and there are like 6 more chapters to go. I'm rather confident of Chapters 2, 3, 4 and 6, but I've absolutely no idea what's going on in Chapters 5 and 7. And this is just Math. There's still MAP, OADES, PCOMSYS, and ELNDES. Although I'm sure of my MAP and OADES, I've no idea what's going on with the last few chapters of PCOMSYS. ELNDES is even worse... I've always been bad at this subject. The way I am right now, I really wonder how well I can pass, if at all.

Listening to X Japan's "Unfinished" just now reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. There's this part of the song that goes "But when you feel sadness, never can I stay with you." Maybe I was a lousy boyfriend. Looks: 3/10. Character: -3/10. Overall: 0/10. My temper sucks. Even when I try to control it it's still bad. And my stupid mp3 player just decided to play "Shattered Dreams" by Johnny Hates Jazz. Zzz...

For the first time, Gregory seems to be studying. Jian Feng is teaching him and he seems to be listening. Glad to see that. Maclean and Andrew are working hard too. Haha. Andrew has been a happy boy since getting together with Tiffany. ^_^

While everyone is working hard, here I am, unable to even study properly. It's partially due to my headache, but my head is filled with a lot of things at this moment too. Sometimes I ask myself, "So what if I'm in the DL?", "So what if I do get rich?", etc. What's the point when my dreams are already 1/2 gone. All this while, I've only had one simple dream. Get a sweet girlfriend and spend quality time with her and my friends. And then, succeed in my career so I can provide for her, make my parents happy, and help my friends. That's all. But like Kelvin and Joven, ;), it seems we are fated never to be with the one we like. I hate this. It's irritating me to hell. People always tell me I'm only 18, and still young.But it's seriously hard to believe. I'm only 18 and schooling, and I already can't get the simple things I want. Wouldn't things turn out worse as I get older? I don't even know how long I'll be in this world. I might just die tomorrow. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer. I always wanted a relationship that starts from childhood, till I grow old and die or something. Always wanted the first... To be the last. But that dream won't come true anymore. My father says I should be more realistic. But shouldn't everyone live their dreams? Be more realistic and judge everyone by how much money they possess? I don't know.

This shit is screwing with my head. I'm going back to studying. Bye and take care.

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