20040915

Pain Is Good

I'm so sick of all these shit happening around me. I can barely save myself, yet I want to help others. Am I stupid or what? If they actually appreciate it, it's ok. Some don't even give a damn. They're sad and here I am, spending and wasting time to cheer them up, and they don't even reply online. Fuck it.

Examinations are coming soon, and I'm not the least bit prepared. I'm worried about unnecessary stuffs everyday. To be honest, all I've been thinking if what I would do when I meet up with her sometime in October. It won't be like the past anymore. I really have no idea how I should be behaving. The girl I no isn't even alive anymore. Yes, she's still sweet, but that's about it. Why I can't completely let go of her, I will never know. The memories are priceless to me. Although they cause me pain. Maclean says I'm stupid to even meet her, especially when I know it'll surely be painful for myself. Thanks friend, but I just want a bit more pain to realise some stuffs. Pain is good, running away isn't. If you break a bone, you've to go through an operation, which is definitely painful as well. But you recover after that. Get it? So yeah. Life's pretty boring without pain and sadness. After all, without sadness, what's happiness?

One day, I might really submit myself to anything just for power. You all won't understand this. Maybe Maclean does. Without power, nothing else matters... At least, not right now. I think I will stop fooling around and making a joke out of myself. Some people seem to hate me for that :(.

Alright, this is just some random crap from me, as usual. Got to go sleep already. Good night!

2 comments:

kit said...

hey! seems like u're having lotsa probs..
well, i agree with maclean actually. it's not about running away, it's abt letting go.
by meeting her, it means u hvn't let go of her yet.
and if u truly wanna let go, why still meet her and be reminded of those memories (whether good or bad)?
what's the point? some things should just be left alone.

h8 said...

Nah. If I can see her and still smile, it would mean I've let go completely. Thanks for your concern :).